witchywoman Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 Hardly slept last night. Crying last night and most of this morning. I feel like no one cares. Im not good enough. Everyone hates me. Even my sil doesn't like me, because I hung out with my brother for his birthday and drank with him. However, apparently, its ok for her to get high with him. Hmmmm...how is that right? Hypocrites, Im surrounded by them! I miss my nephew, but she doesn't want to make plans for me to come see him. She is now keeping him away from my brother, even for supervised visits, because of what people are telling her to do!! Now, Im a horrible person who doesn't deserve to see my nephew. As I've said in my blog, we are having a bday party for my daughter on Saturday, and it will mostly be people from the husbands side of the family and his friends, who all hate me. I don't know if I can do it. There is an old guy friend who keeps making promises and then excuses for coming to see me. Im really feeling very hurt and used. :Trigger::Trigger::Trigger::Trigger: Im just very overwhelmed by these feelings of uselessness, depression, sadness, loneliness. I had very strong suicidal urges this morning, hating myself as much as I do, but because it's my daughters birthday, I wouldn't do anything. :Trigger::Trigger::Trigger::Trigger: I see my therapist tomorrow morning. Thankfully. At least I got a job. That's a positive. Hopefully once I start working, things will get better. I can only hope. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lysergia Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 i'm rooting for you witchywoman. i understand. and none of those terrible things you think about yourself are true. getting a job is a big deal and i feel proud of you. i hope your pdoc has good ideas tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
squirmy Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 i with you on some of what you wrote but let me in on this ,,,,do you really like people i mean all people good people bad people trusting people untrusting people since i have been hit with this diagnosis i'm just charecter for people disrespect i cannot give input because i'm crazy and its not worth a grain of salt and if my advise is good and concise its because crazy people are like a blind hog they find an acorn some of the time the way i see it the least amount of people i deal with the less people have got to deal with me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SashaSue Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 Witchywoman, call your pdoc. You really need a med tweak of some kind or other. Especially with the stress of starting a new job soon, you want to squash this asap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gizmo Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 It sounds like the stress of the new job may be amplifying all the liitle negative things in life and turning them into Big Things That Are Your Fault. As I term it, you have on your shit-colored glasses. Its not you, and some adjusted meds should really help. Keep posting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Will Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 Witchywoman, I think Sasha is right in the need for a med adjustment. I hope your new job goes well for you. Please take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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