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Confidence in meds...


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Recognizing that the biological component of BP disorder is paramount, at least once the illness has initiated,

the psychological aspects such as stress control are also important. (Don't ask me to defend or expand

that statement if you don't know what I mean or don't agree, because it's not important for present purposes.)

My problem is that this has been a long, long episode for me and although I am much better, I seem to wear

down by the end of the day, and anxiety begins to appear.

I think what happens is that my mood state simply worsens with fatigue. More specifically, a bit of

short lived panic starts to occur. (I have klonopin to deal with panic, but I don't take it

for these "mini-panics," because I can cope with them.)

The thing troubling me is that I don't have a lot of confidence going forward with depakote, after

switching to it from years of reliance on lithium. I think by the time I was put on depakote I may

have been already cycling out of the episode.

All of the above is prologue just to say:

I find it hard to face the future without a lot of confidence in my mood stabilizer and I think that

lack of confidence is going to be a stressor for me.

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Honestly, Will, this kind of sounds to me like you're making excuses for having another episode before you're even done with this one.

If you're concerned about your mood stabilizer, discuss that with your pdoc. Try to come up with an emergency plan, so you'll know what to do, should symptoms emerge. A lot of people seem to keep a little bit of an AAP around for that reason.

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Sasha,

Actually I think the post was self-pitying, appealing for sympathy which I don't really need.

I agree with your 2d paragraph about having an emergency plan, and I already have one.

Obviously I keep a store of Seroquel. (Do you think I'm a complete fool? Don't answer that.)

In fact, I've broached the idea with the pdoc about having something else on hand as well.

Something like geodon maybe to knock me out when I get too high. Seroquel just doesn't

put me to sleep when I'm manic and that inability to sleep is when panic tends to occur.

It is the panic and rage that puts me on the street and lands me on the hospital.

Anyway, thanks for the reply. I think it would be good therapy for me to respond to others

on the board who are having trouble, but I don't know if that is a good idea in all

instances when I get the impulse if I am not completely stable myself.

I'm going to get about the day's tasks now. (BTW, if you thought I was being facetious

about your spirit surviving the sun's implosion, I was not. I'm interested to see if this

religiosity hangs around when I am more well. I think it will this time. And, if you actually

read all of this long post, you're a better person than I am.)

Will

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Those two posts were awfully deep.

The bottom line is that many, many people with BP need to change their meds repeatedly until they find a med/dose that works for them. And some of those people will have additional episodes while tweaking their meds. It's just the nature of the disorder. If you don't feel confident in your meds, you can either wait it out to see if you have another episode, or you can talk to your pdoc about it.

But you are not alone. Many people are doubting of their meds and are just waiting for something bad to happen.

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Guest Vapourware

If this helps, personally I've found valproate has been good in knocking down mania. If mania is a problem, then I think it's not a bad drug to try.

I agree that it can be hard to have confidence about your medication. There have been times recently when I have questioned the effectiveness of my treatment and whether I should be looking at a different medication regime altogether. The main problem with psych drugs is that you can't predict with any certainty how you would react to them, unless you try them first, and they also take time to start working. It's frustrating but unfortunately it's part and parcel of having MI.

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Sasha,

Actually I think the post was self-pitying, appealing for sympathy which I don't really need.

I agree with your 2d paragraph about having an emergency plan, and I already have one.

Obviously I keep a store of Seroquel. (Do you think I'm a complete fool? Don't answer that.)

In fact, I've broached the idea with the pdoc about having something else on hand as well.

Something like geodon maybe to knock me out when I get too high. Seroquel just doesn't

put me to sleep when I'm manic and that inability to sleep is when panic tends to occur.

It is the panic and rage that puts me on the street and lands me on the hospital.

Anyway, thanks for the reply. I think it would be good therapy for me to respond to others

on the board who are having trouble, but I don't know if that is a good idea in all

instances when I get the impulse if I am not completely stable myself.

I'm going to get about the day's tasks now. (BTW, if you thought I was being facetious

about your spirit surviving the sun's implosion, I was not. I'm interested to see if this

religiosity hangs around when I am more well. I think it will this time. And, if you actually

read all of this long post, you're a better person than I am.)

Will

Geodon isn't always the best anti-manic. How much seroquel do you take? Maybe a higher dosage would do the trick.

As far as responding to other people, unless you're completely batshit, which you don't seem to be at the moment, the more responses, and different perspectives, any question gets, the better. Respond away!

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Thanks for the reponses Sylvan, gizmo and Vapour. My questions and my doubts are rhetorical in nature. I basically know the life that is in front of us.

(Edit: By saying my questions are rhetorical, I don't mean to imply that I don't consider your responses as important for my consideration, because I do.)

"unless you're completely batshit, which you don't seem to be at the moment" --

those possibly being the sweetest words you've ever said to me,

I'm going to take that as "I love you too"

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"unless you're completely batshit, which you don't seem to be at the moment" --

those possibly being the sweetest words you've ever said to me,

I'm going to take that as "I love you too"

laugh.giflaugh.gif

but seriously, you're not the only one who doubts his meds. i think all of us are completely in the dark when we start out and though it gets better the more things you try, you can never be sure what your brain will invent next. i personally tend to think that my disorder evolves just to adapt to the meds i am taking, much like bacteria have evolved to live with antibiotics. it's just creative like that. but it doesn't mean one should stop trying. if lithium didn't work out for you, there's bound to be something else, or a combination of something else. for me it was carbamazepine, at least at first because right now i can't say i am symptom-free. just keep trying, there is a way out of this!

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domovoi,

I completely agree with you about the incredible power of the bipolar brain to mutate, so

that, especially when sick, we always seem to be below the top of the bell curve of normality,

tilting toward mania or depression.

I had started to direct this post towards all the things wrong with my life because of the illness.

But I can't do that because I don't live in Haiti or even in any of the abjectly impoverished places in the USA.

When I'm rational I can see this. When I'm depressed there are times I can't. I guess I'm basically OK

right now.

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