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I had a diffcult pregnancy where I was in and and out of the hospital and almost lost my baby and my own life. I had been feeling a little depressed after my baby was born about the challenges that I faced while I was pregnant. Working at a hospital did not help some of the memories that I have about being a patient. Before Christmas, I visited a therapist to talk about my pregnancy. She suggested that I be put on an SSRI. I wasn't done breastfeeding, and I when I was, I made an appointment to see the pdoc assciated with the clinic. During the assessment, he refused to talk about the reason that brought me in there (my difficult pregnancy) and was very focused on bipolar-like questions. At the end he said, "I'm going to put you on a mood stabilizer. You have bipolar disorder." I was confused why he diagnosed me with bipolar disorder when I answered honestly no to every question except for having feelings of sadness. I asked him why he thought that I had bipolar disorder, and he wouldn't tell me. I had heard a rumor (which I didn't really take much stock in or I wouldn't have went to him) that he diagnoses all of his patients as bipolar, and since he didn't give me the reasons as to why he thought that I am bipolar, asked him about what I had heard. He told me to get out of his office. I had my ten-month-old with me, and he startled both of us.

Later that day, I went to work in the ER of the hospital. He called my work and told one of the doctors that I had been seen earlier that day and that I had left upset. He also asked about my work ethic. He never called my house or asked to speak to me when he called my work place. A couple of weeks ago, I got permission to view his dictation from the visit with the psychiatrist. He lied in approximately 2/3 of it and said things like I had been having a decreased need for sleep and that I have had difficulty sleeping even before pregnancy -all untrue. He also diagnosed my with Bipolar probably manic with psychotic features, histrionic personality disorder, probably long standing history of mood disorder, and gave me a GAF of 55.

My hospital terminated him from the hospital and the clinic due to the HIPPA violation. Since my visit, I have heard of 5 people who were diagnosed as bipolar by him who didn't think that the diagnosis accurately reflected their condition. People around my work know of the phone call. It has circulated rapidly. I feel very embarrassed, and I think I feel depressed because of the constant questions. I want help, but I am scared to reach out after what has happened since seeking help ended up causing me to feel even more hopeless.

I am left to wonder if he was just mad at me or if I am severely mentally ill. I have never taken medication and am usually a happy person. I want to feel good about myself again.

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He got fired for violating HIPPA. I wouldn't put much stock in anything he said or did. If a doctor can't abide by simple things like patient confidentiality laws, that's an indication that they most likely can't be trusted at all.

Go see another psychiatrist. See if you can get a referral from another doctor or a friend. There are very good doctors out there who will be able to help you.

It also sounds like you'd benefit from a therapist on an ongoing basis to process some of the things that happened during your pregnancy and labor and delivery. That may do you more good than medication-- it's hard to tell.

Thank you for responding. I think that I could benefit a lot from having someone to talk to that is understanding about the difficulties that I went through in order to have my daughter. I did talk to the chief of psychiatry at my hospital, and he said not to worry about what had happened with the psychiatrist. He has known me since I worked psych as a student, so it made me feel good that he wasn't concerned about any serious psych issues with me. He told me to put it out of my mind. This is easier said than done.

I was doing well, until over the past couple days, people keep asking me questions in relation to the HIPPA violation. It's uncomfortable, and I thought that I was getting over what happened a couple of months ago. I've been second guessing all my thoughts and every action. I wonder, do I do XXX because I really do have HPD?Then I think no, I only really have one criteria for the disorder (I'm sensitive sometimes to things people tell me) so I probably don't really have that disorder. It's been a frightening experience that I really didn't need.

Another question that I have is whether or not I tell the new therapist/psychiatrist about what happened with my first psychiatrist including the diagnoses, the HIPPA violation, fraudulent charting, being investigated (currently by my insurance company in the fraud department), and his termination. I want to start anew, but this recent event has caused me some distress that I would like to talk about but am at the same time afraid to discuss with someone who might get mad that I got another psychiatrist fired.

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I don't think any responsible pdoc or tdoc would see your situation as your having gotten your previous doctor fired. He got himself fired, with his egregious violation of the law. I think you would probably benefit from discussing this episode with your future tdoc/pdoc, as I'd guess it's created some trust issues for you around mental health care providers.

I agree with Dianthus that a tdoc is probably the best place for you to start. It's hard to tell how much you might need therapy v. meds, but therapy seems like a good first step.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. It really is incredibly fucked up, and just appalling.

When people at work raise it with you, can you just nicely say, "No comment," more or less?

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I don't think any responsible pdoc or tdoc would see your situation as your having gotten your previous doctor fired. He got himself fired, with his egregious violation of the law. I think you would probably benefit from discussing this episode with your future tdoc/pdoc, as I'd guess it's created some trust issues for you around mental health care providers.

I agree with Dianthus that a tdoc is probably the best place for you to start. It's hard to tell how much you might need therapy v. meds, but therapy seems like a good first step.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. It really is incredibly fucked up, and just appalling.

When people at work raise it with you, can you just nicely say, "No comment," more or less?

I agree that he did get himself fired. I had no control over him calling my work and asking bizarre questions. My hospital delt fairly swiftly with him, and as I learn more about him, I have found that there have been some long-standing issues regarding his behaviour. It's been quite an ordeal. If I can find any comfort in the situation it is that he no longer can treat patients in this area. I'm not the person who initially filed a complaint against him at the hospital, but I did file a complaint with the Civil Rights office. Hopefully something will come of that so that he will think twice about violating privacy. The worse part about the HIPPA violation was that I really think that he had the intention to damage my reputation which is even more disturbing.

I work at a small community hospital. I certainly can say that I don't want to talk about when questioned. I don't want to be rude, but I also want to dispel some of the rumors. Some people have come up to me and told me their experiences with this particular psychiatrist also which has been enlightening. Mostly, I've been trying to remain to myself at work by avoiding people.

So, there a therapy doctors that focus more on talking? I would be okay with taking medications, but I do feel like talking would be a great start. You are right that, even though I work in the health care environment, I don't trust doctors as much as I used to.

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I would imagine that his HIPPA violation involving you was the last straw, the straw that broke the Camel's back. I suspect they have known he was a crack pot for a long time, you mentioned fraudulent charting (!) and finally had a legal violation to use as a justification for termination. Much easier to prove he broke the law then to fire him because he was unprofessional or they did not trust his standard of patient care. I am glad you got away from this man fairly quickly.

A good doctor would know that there can be enormous hormonal changes, and that you had a difficult pregnancy. This can grateful affect your state of mind.

If I were you I would find a trust worthy therapist and work through this event. I am sorry you went through this. But at least that doctor is gone. If you have further issues with depression, loss of sleep, irritability, extreme emotions or any of those other mood disorder symtoms then you could see a psychiatrist. But i would go to the Chief of Psychiatry who has been kind to you and ask HIM which doctor he reccomends for you. Someday this terrible experience will be a memory.

Good luck, and enjoy being a mother. And since post partum depression is so serious have a doctor lined up if you have a another child. OH, that histronic personality disorder. Just forget about that. He saw you for what? 40 mins? screw him

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I would imagine that his HIPPA violation involving you was the last straw, the straw that broke the Camel's back. I suspect they have known he was a crack pot for a long time, you mentioned fraudulent charting (!) and finally had a legal violation to use as a justification for termination. Much easier to prove he broke the law then to fire him because he was unprofessional or they did not trust his standard of patient care. I am glad you got away from this man fairly quickly.

A good doctor would know that there can be enormous hormonal changes, and that you had a difficult pregnancy. This can grateful affect your state of mind.

If I were you I would find a trust worthy therapist and work through this event. I am sorry you went through this. But at least that doctor is gone. If you have further issues with depression, loss of sleep, irritability, extreme emotions or any of those other mood disorder symtoms then you could see a psychiatrist. But i would go to the Chief of Psychiatry who has been kind to you and ask HIM which doctor he reccomends for you. Someday this terrible experience will be a memory.

Good luck, and enjoy being a mother. And since post partum depression is so serious have a doctor lined up if you have a another child. OH, that histronic personality disorder. Just forget about that. He saw you for what? 40 mins? screw him

More like he saw me for ten minutes, tops. Have you guys actually known anyone to have be diagnosed with HPD? When I worked on the mental health unit as a student nurse, I didn't have a single patient with histrionic personality disorder. Borderline personality disorder, sure, but none who were histrionic. I thought my gaf was funny, too, since I work full time and go to school. A 55? Get real! I can almost qualify for disability the way that he described things! Oh, and psychotic? I went to work afterward. I think that they would have sent me home if I were truly psychotic.

We recently had a doctor who is accused of 5 million in Medicare fraud (trial set for July). It took 2 years for the hospital to get rid of him. It took less than a month for my doctor. I'm sure that are things that I don't even know about. Usually they baby doctors a little.

The head of psych did say that if I did want to talk to someone about what happened that I should go out of the county. I personally know from work the remainder of the psychiatrists in my area. He didn't recommend anyone specifically so I'll have to search around. I want to see a good doctor this time so I'll be doing my homework.

Being a mother is wonderful. This was my third child (ages 4, 2, and 1) and I had the same pregnancy condition (hyperemesis gravidarum) with all three. During my last pregnancy, I had a PICC line then a feeding tube, and at my sickest could not stand or walk on my own. My pregnancy was emotionally hard because some of my doctors attributed the hyperemesis to psychological aspects -therefore assuming that I did not want my baby, simply had an eating disorder, or wanted attention. It was hard to be judged when I needed medical assistance especially from the hospital community since I am a part of their system. Unfortunately, these are common misunderstandings for women who are diagnosed with hyperemesis. Contrarily, my pregnancy was planned, wanted, I don't have marital issues, I don't want attention, and I don't have an eating disorder. My children are healthy and beautiful. I wish that I did not have to go through what I did to have my babies. I have no doubt that if I would have been treated more promptly and withought stigmatization and mean comments, I would not have gotten depressed. It's been a rough haul, almost too much for me to handle.

One more question since my experience with the psychiatrist: Do people with bipolar disorder get depressed for a reason (like a trigger) or do they become depressed for no apparent reason?

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The psychiatrist did not want me to talk about my pregnancy, did not ask if I had post partum depression with my previous pregnancies, and never asked anything about anxiety. As a nurse, these would be things that I would ask a patient, however the fact that I had a baby (who was sitting on my lap during the assessment) was completely ignored. I thought that these would be no brainer questions that I would get asked, and I was very suprised that they were neglected.

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Ugh, that's awful. I hope you find a great doc you like. As for me, I can get depressed all by myself, but it's usually part of a mixed episode or I'm coming off of a manic one. Triggers set me off, but sometimes I just wake up that way.

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Ugh, that's awful. I hope you find a great doc you like. As for me, I can get depressed all by myself, but it's usually part of a mixed episode or I'm coming off of a manic one. Triggers set me off, but sometimes I just wake up that way.

That would be frustrating. For me, I keep thinking about some events that happened last year. I've done a fair amount of ruminating about everything which makes me feel frustrated. Working in the same environment where I was treated brings back the memories such as the smells, sounds, and people who work at the hospital.

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Personally I wouldn't take any stock in the DXs that were given to you by that doctor, given that HIPPA violation. If you really want to clear up your DXs, I think you need to see another pdoc for a second opinion.

I've found that my depressive moods can be triggered by situations events at times, but there are also times when it can occur without any triggers at all.

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Bipolar episodes (like depression) can be triggered by situations or for no reason at all. Or there could be triggers that someone isn't aware of. It's tricky.

I understand what you mean when you say that the medical community didn't take your illness seriously during pregnancy. I didn't have a physical illness, but pregnancy seemed to set off the whole bipolar disorder mess with me. Before that, I'd been highly functional and not on meds. I spent a lot of time before I found my current psychiatrist being told things like I didn't want to be a mother and I had marital problems etc. etc. instead of it being organic/biochemical in nature.

I really think a therapist will help you process a lot of this. I have a friend who also had a very serious physical illness due to pregnancy, and we both agree that it's really hard to explain all the emotions that go with having such bad experiences with something that's supposed to be so joyful. Dealing with your mistrust of the medical establishment after all of this is something to work through in therapy too.

Can you intimate at work that you can't talk about the HIPPA thing? Sort of how people say their attorney said they can't talk about XYZ when they're in a lawsuit? I'm thinking something along the lines of a very general, "I'm really sorry, it's something I was asked not to talk about and I really don't want to get into trouble." At least that way you could pass it off and seem more polite if you're not comfortable just telling people to bugger off and mind their own business.

As far as HPD goes, it's really hard to diagnose personality disorders, IMO, until you've spent a lot of time together as doctor and patient. I wouldn't worry about it until you've had a longstanding relationship with a therapist and/or a psychiatrist.

I am saddened that pregnancy was anything but joyous. I think that there is definitely a grieving process when something doesn't go as expected. I felt so attacked when people would ask me if I really wanted my baby and if I had an eating disorder. I felt so frustrated that I had to wait until I lost 30 lbs and was in liver failure before I could have alternative nutrition. I was definitely in a vulnerable state of mind when I was pregnant. I had my life and my unborn child's life to look out for. I can understand how pregnancy can change a person's brain chemistry. I'm sorry that it took so long to get recognize. I think that post partum depression is so common that most just attribute depression post baby as that. It takes a skillful practitioner to see that there is more than simply the baby blues.

I think that you have outlined a good way of handling questions about what had happened. Thumbs up.

Hopefully, the pyschiatrist was just really mad at me when he diagnosed me with HPD. If my psychiatrist was making a connection between hyperemesis and histrionic personality disorder as a form of hysteria (which hyperemesis was first proposed to be back in the 1890s) then I can see why he would think that. Or maybe he thought that I was just a whiny American girl? Who knows? Actually, if I had to pick a personality disorder that best fit me, I always thought that it would be avoidant personality disorder. Even that, though, is a stretch. The whole thing was very hurtful.

You guys have been extremely helpful. I feel very much less depressed after conversing with everyone and so much more hopeful. You possess insight and an understanding that is not found everywhere, so I thank everyone who has responded. I'll be searching around for someone good to talk. I need to convince my husband that it is okay to see someone else. He was a little taken back by what happened a couple months ago and thought that it was ridiculous. I will keep everyone posted on how the progress that I make and my future treatments. Hopefully, the lessons that I learn from this experience can go toward helping someone else. :)

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  • 8 months later...

It's been almost a year since I saw that pdoc and was diagnosed with both bipolar disorder and histrionic personality disorder. I wanted to update this thread so that other people can learn from my experiences and to thank everyone who responded to my concerns. You guys are life savers!

Firstly, since last year, my children are doing great. My daughter is going to be two this spring, and she is so beautiful and smart. You would not be able to tell that my pregnancy with her was life threatening. My issues with hyperemesis gravidarum that lead me to become depressed are mostly resolved. I still get slightly anxious whenever I hear my old OB doctor overhead paiged at work, but this is just a minor problem. I feel like I have almost totally physicially recovered from the hyperemesis, and I can walk and run like I did before getting sick. My fingernails are almost back to normal also, which took a beating from the prolonged malnourishment that hyperemesis played on my body. I still think about the events that happened during pregnancy at least once a day, though now, I think about how lucky I am to be physically healthy instead of getting myself depressed about everything.

The U.S. Human Civil Right's Office sided with me with the complaint that I had filed. Since my hospital was subsequently audited to insure that they followed HIPPA guidelines as much as possible after the event and to determine what happened during the HIPPA violation, I am told that people stood up for me at the hospital board meetings. I, along with some of the other nurses who had seen this pdoc for various reasons and diagnosed with bipolar disorder without given a rationale, filed a complaint with our insurance company. The last thing that I heard was that the pdoc is going to be audited by the state because they saw some disturbing diagnosing trends...that is...ALL of his patients are diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

As for overcoming my second traumatic life event (the first one being sick with hyperemesis) and secondly being diagnosed with some pretty severe psychiatric conditions, I have simply learned to trudge on with life. I have accepted the diagnoses as much as possible, and by doing that and being okay with being mentally ill, I have learned to live my life by becoming more who I truly am and not worrying whether or not people will treat me differently because of what they heard at work. It is rare now that anyone brings up what happened with the pdoc. I did get teased once by one of the ER docs by him calling me the "compliance officer." I brushed this off as best as I could.

People have come up to me who have been newly diagnosed with bipolar disorder to talk, and I am okay with this. I am thankful for my experience with the pdoc now because it has helped me open myself up to those who are struggling with their own issues. I have not seen another pdoc. I let go of my bitterness surrounding both events and moved on which brought me back to the emotional state of mind where I was at before my pregnancy.

Overall, I would say that life has been good to me this year. I am a more confident person. I am in the my last semester of pre-medical requirements and plan to apply to medical school this spring (maybe this proves that I've been manic for the last two years, haha!). I also have a semester left of master's degree left to go. My goal is to eventually become an OB/GYN so that I can help other women through their pregnancies more gracefully than I did. My husband and family have been very supportive of me during and have aided in me getting my life back to where it was.

Looks like with the new DSM coming out, I'll be moving over to the borderline waters since HPD is being discarded! Yikes. That's a lot to think about.

Thanks again. I'll keep you updated again next year about being bipolar, histrionic/borderline, and hopefully about being accepted to medical school!

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Sarah, I am glad you are doing better, and your children too.

It is great that you filed a formal complaint.

What puzzles me is that you have 'accepted your diagnosis' ???

Are you referring to the DX that crackpot gave you?

They are meaningless.

You are successfully raising children and in a demanding

pre med curriculum in college. You are coping with a lot of stress and doing well.

If you were really bipolar you would have MOOD problems, hypomania and depression.

insomnia, anxiety, and more

You would need medical care. You sound like you are doing great.

As much stress as you are under you might have had an episode

or felt compelled due to symptoms to find another psychiatrist.

I am glad you are doing so well. Congratulations for making it through such a rough experience

with both the pregnancy and the unprofessional psychiatrist.

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I agree, I'm not sure why you agree with the diagnosis considering the doc was dx'ing everyone with it. You would feel like crap if you were bipolar... I couldn't do anything very well without treatment, even making and eating dinner was hard. It was apparent to my husband that something was really wrong.

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Sarah, I am glad you are doing better, and your children too.

It is great that you filed a formal complaint.

What puzzles me is that you have 'accepted your diagnosis' ???

Are you referring to the DX that crackpot gave you?

They are meaningless.

You are successfully raising children and in a demanding

pre med curriculum in college. You are coping with a lot of stress and doing well.

If you were really bipolar you would have MOOD problems, hypomania and depression.

insomnia, anxiety, and more

You would need medical care. You sound like you are doing great.

As much stress as you are under you might have had an episode

or felt compelled due to symptoms to find another psychiatrist.

I am glad you are doing so well. Congratulations for making it through such a rough experience

with both the pregnancy and the unprofessional psychiatrist.

I agree, I'm not sure why you agree with the diagnosis considering the doc was dx'ing everyone with it. You would feel like crap if you were bipolar... I couldn't do anything very well without treatment, even making and eating dinner was hard. It was apparent to my husband that something was really wrong.

Why have I accepted being bipolar and histrionic? Because it was the easiest way that I could move on. By resisting, I created more turmoil within myself. I have embraced the disorders (sans meds and formal therapy) and learned to live in my own skin and be okay with any negative opinion that is thrown my way. Accepting something might not work with all people, but it seemed to put at rest the inner battle that I experienced after being diagnosed concerning whether or not I really have those disorders. I think that acceptance is a tactic taught to borderlines to overcome their issue so I applied it to my situation. I couldn't fight anymore; there's only so much that you can beat yourself up before you need to just let go.

After getting over the sadness of being mentally ill and all the loss that comes with that, I feel more comfortable with letting myself hang loose so to speak. It's akin to a gay person coming out of the closet for me. If I am finally okay with having my worst fears come true (such as being diagnosed with bipolar disorder) then I don't need to be afraid of it anymore. By doing this, I allowed myself to elevate my mood to where it was before pregnancy. It gave me permission to be happy again and not care if something thinks that I must be hypomanic because I'm smiling.

I think that my pdoc was a very angry person. I honestly hope that he is doing better with whatever demons that he has in his own life.

He did diagnose all of his patients with bipolar disorder and probably still does at the jail where he works now. I was told by another one of the nurses who he diagnosed as bipolar that she reasoned, "well, even a broken clock is right twice a day." However, I do think that he is probably wrong about a lot of us who he diagnosed and has probably made many people worse by giving them mood stabilizers which affected their health adversly or caused more mental anguish. He has done a diservice to people who truly have bipolar disorder since now it seems like it is the new fad and everyone has it. His uncareful diagnosing hurts more than just his patients. It hurts everyone in the mental health community.

There are some tools that I used to get through last year. I found meditation helpful and oh so relaxing. Whenever I start to have any negative thoughts about something like the events that occured during my pregnancy, I press my pointer finger against my thumb and it reminds me of the peaceful feeling that I have when I meditate. It works almost every time and is very helpful when life gets busy, which it will being a mother of three. It's almost like pushing a reset button. This is probably a lot like mindfulness that borderlines are taught.

Another thing that did last year was to "fake it till I made it." This meant that I pictured what my best self would have reacted to situations and did that no matter what. Eventually, I was acting on what my "best self" would have done withought really thinking too much about it. Learning better coping mechanisms was key to getting back to normal.

So my tools this year, which worked IMO, were to accept my traumatic pregnancy and mental health disorders; meditate; and fake it till I make it. I hope that advice can help another, but I realize that everyone is different.

Somehow, I have made it through school. I actually believe that it helped me keep my mind from thinking about the things that upset me. Doing well academically also served to increase my confidence. Also, studying the things that make me happy increased my mood 100%.

": ) :" is so clever, BTW.

Thanks for everyone's encouragement!

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So my tools this year, which worked IMO, were to accept my traumatic pregnancy and mental health disorders; meditate; and fake it till I make it. I hope that advice can help another, but I realize that everyone is different.

I am glad you are doing so well now (having just now read the horrifying tale of that pdoc, holy shit).

I do feel compelled to point out, however, that the reason acceptance, meditation and 'fake it till you make it' worked out well for you is almost certainly because you were never mentally ill in the first place (I admit, I do not understand your 'acceptance' of MIs that there is no reason to believe you actually have), and that sort of advice can sound rather patronizing and dismissive for those of us who have struggled with MIs that, unfortunately, will not get better just through acceptance and meditation.

I hope you'll get into med school, I'm sure your experiences will help make you a great OB-GYN. :)

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So my tools this year, which worked IMO, were to accept my traumatic pregnancy and mental health disorders; meditate; and fake it till I make it. I hope that advice can help another, but I realize that everyone is different.

I am glad you are doing so well now (having just now read the horrifying tale of that pdoc, holy shit).

I do feel compelled to point out, however, that the reason acceptance, meditation and 'fake it till you make it' worked out well for you is almost certainly because you were never mentally ill in the first place (I admit, I do not understand your 'acceptance' of MIs that there is no reason to believe you actually have), and that sort of advice can sound rather patronizing and dismissive for those of us who have struggled with MIs that, unfortunately, will not get better just through acceptance and meditation.

I hope you'll get into med school, I'm sure your experiences will help make you a great OB-GYN. :)

It's certainly not meant to be dismissive or patronizing. I understand what you are saying. It's like telling me who had hyperemesis gravidarum (severe nausea and vomiting in pregnancy) that crackers, ginger, eating small meals, and sea bands will cure the nausea when with hyperemesis usually nothing rids the nausea and vomiting. It's insulting when people tell us to eat a cracker. In fact, we have a name for it -being "crackered."

Acceptance and no longer playing the victim role allowed me to become more proactive with my actions. These really sound more like borderline personality tools more than anything else and not so much bipolar tool since I originally saw myself as a victim and that there was no way that I could be histrionic and bipolar. It would be really nice if I were truly normal. The fact is, however, that I let my pregnancy get me down. Normal people rebound from diffcult periods in their life quicker than I did. I had ineffective coping skills for sure. I believe that situational depression or adjustment disorder better fits what I had with a smattering of a little PTSD, but only time will tell if I ever get down about myself again which would definitely indicate that I have more serious things going on. For now, I'm running with with my "normal."

Maybe acceptance was the easier way out, but don't think that it was all bad. It has allowed me to have a bigger heart toward people who no one wants to be around such as people with personality and mood disorders. I have felt the stigma that goes along with being bipolar. I have learned a lot of lessons from this experience. You guys more than anyone know what bipolar is and what it does to people. If better life managment skills helped me overcome my difficulties, and usually they do not for people who have bipolar disorder, then maybe I was wrong to believe anything that the "crack pot" said.

Unfortunately, the damage is already done in terms of being diagnosed with BPD and HPD. It is in my chart, and if I use my hospital system, any doctor that I go to will see it especially now that we are going to a new computer system. The system will hold information from up to two years ago. Although, on my paper chart, my dictation is "disputed" this doesn't show up on the electronic version of my file. I will forever be bipolar by computer until the next system comes along. It will be up to whatever doctor I have as to whether or not they believe my story.

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