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I feel like ass and I'm angry too


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So I feel really crummy. Like I can't get up off the couch, can't clean anything, can't really do anything but feel like crap. I fucking cry a lot for no apparent reason and spent most of yesterday doing that when I wasn't yelling at SO or being snappy with someone else. I'm really mad too, and I was wondering if those of you who get depressed (which I may not be, it just really seems like it to me, so sorry for posting on this forum when I don't have an official DX) also get irritable at the same time or if maybe this is a side effect of one of my meds.

Man, I hate it when one of the SE is BITCH. I'd rather not be a bitch.

I feel really bad. The other day, SO asked me to please come sit with him and I just gave him the shittiest look ever and asked "why?" and that's the kind of shit he's dealing with right now. Me yelling at him for him doing things he wants to do, snapping (not yelling) at the little one which I fucking hate and makes me feel even more like shit, as it should. I seriously think I'm so mad I have a damn headache. I'm really donig my best to bottle it up too, and I'm not doing too bad considering what I WANT to do and what I'm actually doing.

I'm crying and yelling and don't know if this is something that commonly happens together (because usually it doesn't happen at the same time for me) or if I need a med adjustment to get rid of the BITCH.

Sorry if this made no sense, or if it's stupid. I just really don't know how these stupid fucking mood things work when you're on meds that are supposed to be helping but aren't.

Thanks.

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You should really put in another call to your pdoc. SOMETHING isn't working. That much has got to be obvious to you. That wasn't meant to be rude, just honest. I feel really bad for you reading your blogs and your posts. Be more direct to your pdoc how desperate you are getting. Thoughts like that aren't normal. Sounds like you need a change or increase in meds. I know that sucks big time. But hang in there. You can do it! I believe in how strong of a person you are! You really are. Don't forget that.

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So I feel really crummy. Like I can't get up off the couch, can't clean anything, can't really do anything but feel like crap. I fucking cry a lot for no apparent reason and spent most of yesterday doing that when I wasn't yelling at SO or being snappy with someone else. I'm really mad too, and I was wondering if those of you who get depressed (which I may not be, it just really seems like it to me, so sorry for posting on this forum when I don't have an official DX) also get irritable at the same time or if maybe this is a side effect of one of my meds.

Yes. I do get very irritable. But I also don't know anything about the meds you're on - sooooo - if it seems like it's being brought on by the meds & depression isn't something you've dealt with before, that seems a likely culprit too... Definately worth it to bring it to your docs attention. If you're having trouble being assertive enough with the doc for him/her to take notice about this stuff - maybe a list would help - or write down some of these 'raging / crying bitch' feelings, so you are sure to get your point across when you're explaining ;-) Being such a bitch you want to crawl out of your own skin is one of the shittiest feelings - and getting rid of that is, for me, one of the best things about meds that are working right. So yeah, if it's not a side effect, maybe you need an addition to your arsenal ;)

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I don't know if it's being brought on by the meds or not. I called last week to see if there was anything they could do with my meds, but I ended up just asking how long it would take for the Lamictal increase to take effect. I don't know why I have NO balls when it comes to asking questions about my meds.

I'm leaning towards NO on the being brought on by meds thing because I've felt this way for well over a month. I figured maybe it just goes along with the depression, but like I said, it doesn't typically happen with the depression with me. Usually when I get depressed I'm just down for a while, not all crazy angry. I don't know.

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Anger/irritation/bitchiness wasn't a symptom of depression for me during the first two episodes at all...but it was without a doubt what made others around me (and eventually me) realize that some depressive symptoms were popping up recently. Its still not 100% under control, but its better after a med adjustment (for me, one more lamictal increase).

Id second the suggestion to go ahead and advocate about a med change...you've really tried to stick it out for a while, but the depressions hanging around pretty hard. That's med change time in my book...or at least a time to have your psychiatrist seriously consider it.

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I related with a lot in this post - I know exactly how it feels to be mind blowingly furious with the people you care about for NO REASON!!! Gahh I hate myself so much when I have episodes like this, I used to having screaming rows with my parents if they asked me how my day was, or something equally as trivial. If my ex even breathed wrong when I felt like that, I would stoop as low as possible and totally batter his self esteem, the things I said to him were horrifically abusive, and probably a reason he is my ex!

I don't really have any answers to your post, because I'm still trying to figure them out for myself. I am not on any meds right now, because I'm too damn scared to take them, so its not a side affect (for me anyway). All i know is that I totally understand this mood, and I think half of it for me is the frustration surrounding depression, not being able to communicate exactly how I feel and being furious with my loved ones for not being able to read my mind and emotions. And it all kind of mounts up, because you are angry, then angry at yourself for how you acted, and angry because you don't understand it, then you start to rationalise the anger and blame the people you care about for how you feel and the vicious cycle starts again.

It's one huge cluster of frustration and anger!

I hope you find a solution to this very soon, whatever happens dont do what I did and push everybody away, we always hurt the ones we most care about.

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  • 3 weeks later...

So I feel really crummy. Like I can't get up off the couch, can't clean anything, can't really do anything but feel like crap. I fucking cry a lot for no apparent reason and spent most of yesterday doing that when I wasn't yelling at SO or being snappy with someone else. I'm really mad too, and I was wondering if those of you who get depressed (which I may not be, it just really seems like it to me, so sorry for posting on this forum when I don't have an official DX) also get irritable at the same time or if maybe this is a side effect of one of my meds.

Yes. I do get very irritable. But I also don't know anything about the meds you're on - sooooo - if it seems like it's being brought on by the meds & depression isn't something you've dealt with before, that seems a likely culprit too... Definately worth it to bring it to your docs attention. If you're having trouble being assertive enough with the doc for him/her to take notice about this stuff - maybe a list would help - or write down some of these 'raging / crying bitch' feelings, so you are sure to get your point across when you're explaining ;-) Being such a bitch you want to crawl out of your own skin is one of the shittiest feelings - and getting rid of that is, for me, one of the best things about meds that are working right. So yeah, if it's not a side effect, maybe you need an addition to your arsenal ;)

"Being such a bitch you want to crawl out of your own skin is one of the shittiest feelings " This is how I describe myself to everyone. That is how I feel right now. I TOTALLY understand what your going through. I have a husband & 3 young girls (9,6,4,) and the two younger ones are home with me one goes to school for 2.5 hrs...so that does nothing for me. I feel like I wanna rip someones head off alot of the time. The WAVE of rage just comes over me & no matter what I do I cant shake it. Sometimes it goes away then it comes back for days at a time. I am going to see doc tomorrow about doing something different. I take celexa for depression and wellbutrin for motivation.

I hope it gets better for you and just know you are not in it alone. :-)

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Hmm, it doesn't seem unusual for anger/irritability to go hand in hand with depression. Back when my own depression first started, I'd also have rages. Not surpising seeing as when you feel horrible you tend to be like a raw nerve, lashing out etc.. I am not sure if it's any worse or better than the "normal" passive, quiet depression as displayed in zoloft commercials and such.

But yes-- the whole wanting to crawl out of your skin feeling is godawful. Sometimes it's so intense I feel like I'm vibrating and about to implode. And yes it comes with crying for me too. Doesn't seem too strange to me. There's so many (stupid annoying and inconvenient) ways that these moods and feelings spill out of us. Crying, yelling, wandering around in a blind rage and so on.

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To me, this sounds more than anything like a mixed state. You really need to call your pdoc and tell him exactly what's going on. This shit won't fix itself.

i agree with Sasha... please do call your pdoc. it's true this won't just get better on its own if you are in a mixed state. hope you feel better soon.

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To me, this sounds more than anything like a mixed state. You really need to call your pdoc and tell him exactly what's going on. This shit won't fix itself.

i agree with Sasha... please do call your pdoc. it's true this won't just get better on its own if you are in a mixed state. hope you feel better soon.

I don't know if you guys are referring to me or not, but I'll answer anyway.

It seems to have gotten better. I'm just mildly depressed and irritable now. I don't know if it was the increase in Lamictal or if it went away on it's own. Not sure about it being a mixed state. I had called and told them what was happening about a month ago and that's when they increased the Lamictal. I started to feel better last week probably in terms of depression and irritability. P-doc said on Tuesday that it might be bipolar, and then he gave me some Lexapro, so we'll see what happens with that.

Thanks everyone!

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