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finally, hello

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i've been browsing this site for a little over a year now. finally worked up the courage to get on it.....

welll here goes!

i'm 16, and i've been depressed since 12. in the span of those years, 3 half-hearted suicide attempts, disordered eating, panicking, anxiety, and a lot of cutting. i didn't really know why but relatively recently i've uncovered some repressed memories. at 10/11, i was kind of forced into blowing an older boy. (this one resurfaced the first time i voluntarily performed oral sex). since then i've come to remember more things. i was r*ped at 12, and dispite the fact i hadn't gotten a period yet, wound up pregnant (talk about bad timing, huh?) trying to hide the sudden weight gain, and pretty fucked up by the experience, i stopped eating all together, in addition to terrible morning sickness. which led to a miscarriage at around two and a half months (i figure malnutrition?). Strangely, apart from feeling worse about remembering these things, i feel more validated, or less confused. is that weird?

i've never shared this story before... but i felt now was as good a time as any


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Welcome. I am glad that you were able to share with us. This is a good, supportive place and i hope you like it.

I think that remembering our traumatic experiences can feel a lot of different ways and there isnt anything wrong with feeling a sense of relief. Sometimes the memories help things make sense.

Take a look at the rules when you get a chance and feel free to PM a moderator or admin if you have any questions about anything.

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