I'm addicted to benzos

[San]

I was put on Valium when I was 22 (I'm 26 now), after trying Ativan and Clonazepam (I was first put on a benzo at 17) and still being anxious. The cocktail I'm on should kill anxiety, but I'm anxious all the time. I was on Valium (10mg twice a day), and switched to Xanax (0.5mg 4 times a day) and it helped. My pdoc bitches that benzos are addictive when he prescribes them but the anxiety is so bad. I asked about Buspar, he said he doesn't prescribe it because he thinks its useless. I hate relying on benzos but my anxiety is out of control without them. I also worry excessively and have had some mild OCD symptoms in the past couple of years.. Arrgh! Sorry to whine, this seemed like a good board. I'm anxious posting this now!

[eccentrik_drummer_chik]

I was recently prescribed Vistaril for anxiety, it's actually an antihistamine but is known to quell anxiety as well, and it is supposedly not addictive at all. One 25mg capsule made me really drowsy though, but I've found that if I open a capsule and take part of the powder, it doesn't wipe me out and does seem to help with anxiety....

[Cetkat]

There are plenty of people here who are on, or have been on benzos long-term.. including myself. So that's not so much the problem as the fact that it seems like they're no longer helping you - which, unfortunately, happens for many people. This is probably compounded by the OCD tendencies.. which would be a very good thing to work on in therapy btw - hopefully you're already doing that. I take my Xanax prn, but it's rx'd .5 x3/day. I've found that it helps to take it when and in proportion to the anxiety you're having. Like, sometimes I go a whole day without any because my anxiety is low enough. Then, in cases when it is high, I take more than one to get through it. Only taking it as needed, rather than on a set schedule is probably the reason why I've been on the same dosing for years and it still works.

As far as Buspar goes, meh. Didn't help me, but it can have anti-anxiety properties. It could be something to try with med changes.. which brings me to:

You say your meds are supposed to kill anxiety. But, you're BP. SSRI's like Prozac can induce Hypo/mania.. which includes anxiety. Also, certain AAP's are more activating than others.. which is pretty much specific to the individual, but with me, Geodon left me activated whereas Seroquel and Risperdal didn't. Risperdal actually helped my anxiety because it can help with ruminations and that was a trigger for my anxiety. It wouldn't be off to say that it could affect OCD in a similar positive matter.

I'm not saying these are changes you should make, just that there's only so much a benzo can do.. You'll have to either just try to keep going the way you are - dealing with it via benzos and therapy; or, you'll need to look long and hard at your med list and see if there are any positive improvements that may be available. Of course, I don't know your history.. this may in fact be the best combo for you, but it's something to consider.

[snugglepuss]

Propanolol worked for me but my doctor didn't consider it a long term solution. I believe it's a beta-blocker.

[San]

Thanks everyone.

I need an antihistamine, I'm allergic to something in my house, so I'll try that. I need to get tested! (Oddly, I'm a horseback rider, and I do not sniffle or cough around my pony!)

My friend is in a band and takes a beta-blocker for high blood pressure, he says a lot of people in bands take them before going on stage. I have low blood pressure, but I'll ask my physician. (When I see him about allergies!)

I see a psychologist, and my old school counselor worked on relaxation with me. She is going to continue with it. I'm getting some apps from iTunes for my Mac and iPhone for self hypnosis and relaxation..

I think Prozac is making me angry, and I've been bordering on hypomania. My lithium level is in the middle (0.76) but I feel waaay better on it than off. My pdoc always thinks I need an antidepressant, or "another round" of ECT, even though I haven't had a true (except circumstansial, like when my grandma passed away) depressive episode since the ECT almost 3 years ago. I'm going to talk about going off Prozac, I'm on a tiny dose anyways. AD's tend to f*ck me up a bit.

But yes, I will discuss everything with my therapist on Thursday. She's good, I like her. She's a grad student, and has a lot of ideas and exercises. (I've had some terrible counselor's in the past!)

It's good to know others have been on benzos long term as well.

I currently don't do any drugs and drink very rarely. I smoke cigarettes, half pack a day, menthol, because I find it soothing. (I've been smoking for 5 years)

Thanks again.

[give&take]

a stimulant could help you

[Aurochs]

a stimulant could help you

Stimulants very, very rarely help with anxiety. More often, they make it worse. I can't take more than 30 mg of Vyvanse without getting really fucking anxious, for instance.

[San]

My therapist and I are working on relaxation techniques and exercises. I find relaxation CD's (well, mp3's) are helpful. Unfortunately, I can't see her this week.

I horseback ride if I get really bad (or if I feel like riding!), its so relaxing being around the horses and "my" pony (I lease her) is a total sweetheart. When I ride, there's nothing but my pony and I.

I've been on a couple of stim's and they didn't help, I was extremely sensitive to them and couldn't sleep on the lowest doses of Dexedrine and later Concerta. (My room was really clean though!)

I'm on Geodon (its called Zeldox in Canada) and it helps.

I get suicidal on most antii convulsant mood stabilizers, and neurontin, I tried it (its also not covered by my drug plan), but I find lithium is best for me.

[notfred]

You sound at best dependent but you have not presented anything that indicates you are addicted. People take these meds for decades without becoming addicted. Dependent, of course, which is OK.

nf

[San]

Thanks notfred, that makes me feel better. I take all my meds exactly as prescribed.<br>

[Anna]

yes i'd agree that taking the benzos isn't really teh exact problem, but how to control your anxiety better.

i'm a big fan of neurontin for anxiety, as I believe I have mentioned many times before. some people are amazed at how much it helps them.

I agree that a lot of the anxiety may be from your current med combo. if it were me (and granted, you are not me) I'd be askng about switching out the geodon for something like seroquel (which is a HUGE anxiety killer for me) or risperdal or something like that. And taking a good hard look at the SSRIs.

Anna

[San]

I've found the Geodon helpful for anxiety.. (It's actually a "new" med in Canada, its called Zeldox here, my pdoc suggested it) Seroquel makes me feel like I can't swallow, or breathe, and I start panicking. But that's just me. Neurontin isn't covered by my drug plan, and it didn't do much for me when I was on it. My list of meds I've tried is pages long..

I don't know how I feel about the prozac.. It helps sometimes, it doesn't help sometimes.. My moods have been pretty stable lately but I've always been an incredibly anxious person (even before all the Dx's and Rx's).. I think its just my character to worry. Right now I'm on summer break from college and bored, that probably doesn't help.

My therapist is working on the anxiety with me, and I'm learning self hypnosis and relaxation techniques. My pdoc wants me to go to a panic/anxiety group, I'm considering it.

[SashaSue]

I was put on Valium when I was 22 (I'm 26 now), after trying Ativan and Clonazepam (I was first put on a benzo at 17) and still being anxious. The cocktail I'm on should kill anxiety, but I'm anxious all the time. I was on Valium (10mg twice a day), and switched to Xanax (0.5mg 4 times a day) and it helped. My pdoc bitches that benzos are addictive when he prescribes them but the anxiety is so bad. I asked about Buspar, he said he doesn't prescribe it because he thinks its useless. I hate relying on benzos but my anxiety is out of control without them. I also worry excessively and have had some mild OCD symptoms in the past couple of years.. Arrgh! Sorry to whine, this seemed like a good board. I'm anxious posting this now!

What makes you think you're addicted to benzos? Because I'm not seeing it from this post.

Also, moving this to the benzo board.

[San]

I can't do without benzos, that's why I think I'm addicted. As a few have said, its more of dependent..

For example..

I switched from 0.5mg * 3 (plus one for PRN) of Xanax yesterday to 20mg (10mg am, 10mg pm) Valium and I didn't think it would be this bad. I'm completely going batshit right now. Well, have been since last night but tried fighting it, but can't.

I got ahold of my pdocs receptionist (he leaves early) and she's calling me first thing tomorrow morning after she talks to him about the med switch.. going to the ER is useless because they won't do anything except tell me to see my pdoc. That and I don't want to drive.. Sorry, kinda a mess right now.. gonna journal..

[give&take]

a good sedative that's even better than benzos would be clozapine. i could imagine you quiting benzos easyli with the help of clozapine. i was treated with benzos in the begining and switched to clozapine later. benzos are like a joke to me in compare to benzos and i don't feal like an addict because of the clozapine. it just bacame a part of my life that i can live with. btw. olanzapine is great too

[Aurochs]

Yes, AAPs can help with anxiety too, and they're a good thing to look at if benzos aren't cutting it. However, benzos don't cause weight gain, akathisia, TD, or any of the other side effects that antipsychotics are known for. If benzos work, they're likely to be a better option.

Getting anxious because you're not taking your benzos when the reason you're taking the benzos is to treat anxiety isn't exactly "dependence". It's dependence in the same way that someone might be dependent on heart medication.

[San]

I do take Geodon, it takes the edge off. I've been on several AAP's, and a lot of mood stabilizers. Clozapine kind of scares me because it has to be so closely monitored. I have always been one to worry and obsess excessively. Just having a tough time the past few weeks.

[Cetkat]

My experience is that Risperdal was the most effective for my anxiety and obsessive thoughts. You've probably been on it and like the Geodon anyway, but I figured I'd throw that out there.

Edit: Which I already kind of did. Stupid memory.

[San]

Hi Cetkat. I had major lactating issues on Risperdal. And that was on 0.5mg a day. I don't know if the risperdal injection would cause that, I'm going to ask, because it's a good med, and my pdoc brought up injections 2 weeks ago.

I'm soooo sick of this! My girlfriend is being really supportive. So is my mom. (I don't know what I'd do without her)

I'm going to say this.. I live in Canada, socialized healthcare, which some people think is bad.. but I've got to say, I've never waited long (more than a day) to get into my pdoc for med problems.. I'm on disability, so 99% of meds are covered, not therapy, but I'm on a sliding scale. All hospitalizations are covered as well, unless you want a semi-private, then you need additional insurance. I'm almost tempted to go inpatient, or to Safebed's (alternative to a hospital, run by Canadian Mental Health) because it helped last time.

I can't really take food right now.. I'm craving spicy pad thai. Maybe tomorrow.

I've cut down a bit on my smoking (I smoke about 1/2 pack a day)

[San]

I also just want to say thanks to everyone for your suggestions and support.

[SashaSue]

a good sedative that's even better than benzos would be clozapine. i could imagine you quiting benzos easyli with the help of clozapine. i was treated with benzos in the begining and switched to clozapine later. benzos are like a joke to me in compare to benzos and i don't feal like an addict because of the clozapine. it just bacame a part of my life that i can live with. btw. olanzapine is great too

Clozapine has potentially deadly side effects, and thus requires frequent bloodwork. I very much doubt anyone's pdoc would seriously consider it as a substitute for benzos.

[SashaSue]

I can't do without benzos, that's why I think I'm addicted. As a few have said, its more of dependent..

For example..

I switched from 0.5mg * 3 (plus one for PRN) of Xanax yesterday to 20mg (10mg am, 10mg pm) Valium and I didn't think it would be this bad. I'm completely going batshit right now. Well, have been since last night but tried fighting it, but can't.

I got ahold of my pdocs receptionist (he leaves early) and she's calling me first thing tomorrow morning after she talks to him about the med switch.. going to the ER is useless because they won't do anything except tell me to see my pdoc. That and I don't want to drive.. Sorry, kinda a mess right now.. gonna journal..

That just sounds like one benzo worked better for you than another, which happens, and is really not such a big deal.

[San]

That makes sense, SashaSue.. Unfortunately everything is a big deal when you're really anxious! :/

I was in a psych hospital in another city for assessment/ECT and they wanted to put me on clozapine but decided against it due to some blood levels.

[give&take]

Amisulpride is my No. 1 recreational relaxing drug. it also takes away my fear and helps me when i can't look after my household anymore cause of my concerns during hard times. the only problem is the prolactine. you should look into it and maybe also olanzapine.

[SashaSue]

Amisulpride is my No. 1 recreational relaxing drug. it also takes away my fear and helps me when i can't look after my household anymore cause of my concerns during hard times. the only problem is the prolactine. you should look into it and maybe also olanzapine.

Again, AAP's are rarely, if ever, used to treat anxiety.

[San]

My pdoc changed the Valium back to Xanax, I feel 100x's better. I actually managed to eat quite a bit without nausea or (involuntary) vomiting today, I hadn't been eating much because of the anxiety. I'm more functional.

I've never heard of Amisulpride, I don't think its available in Canada. Zyprexa had a lot of annoying side effects, weight gain, fluctuating blood sugar..

I've never had any pdoc recommend an AAP for anxiety.

[rowen]

Nothing wrong with needing benzos. They've gotten me through some tough shit. And need does not equal addicted.

If you're feeling a bit obsessive, mindfulness might be helpful to you. It sounds like you're doing some already (CD's, smoking, and riding horses can be exercises in mindfulness). If you can incorporate mindfulness into more of your daily life, you may find it makes some of the anxiety and obsessiveness easier to manage. It's very hard to do and I don't think it's possible to sustain mindfulness day in/day out, but it's a worthwhile skill to learn.

We have some titles on Mindfulness in the CrazyStore. Since you're in Canada, you'll probably need to order them elsewhere, or see if a library has them. Thich Nhat Hahn is a lovely author, and he has written many books on the subject.

[San]

Thanks rowen. There's always Amazon.ca or I could check out some ebook stores. I have "Self Matters" by Philip McGraw on my eReader, for self esteem issues,. My therapist is doing DBT with me, which is a lot of mindfulness, and when I was IP in a psych hospital we'd start each DBT session with mindfulness exercises. Writing helps a lot, too. When I get some extra cash I'll look into some of those books. Kind of funny, but my therapist told me that now is "not a good time to stop smoking". Horseback riding focuses me on one thing, and that's my communication with my pony. It's great exercise (I don't just walk around trails, I jump 3 foot courses!) I had a friend take pics of me riding inside over some small fences, and in every pic I'm smiling. Also, when I go back to school in September, my counselor there is going to work on relaxation and self hypnosis. (He's off for the summer, and my current therapist is a student and going back to school in September as well)

[dancesintherain]

Sorry to add yet another set of thoughts to the mix....but if prozac isn't helping as an antidepressant, going off it might make the anxiety better. In BP people, sometimes SSRIs can increase the agitation/anxiety. Alternatively, a different SSRI might have an anti-anxiety effect. They're kind of picky like that.

That said, i'd agree with the suggestions that a need for a benzo isn't the same as an addiction or even a dependence on them. They treat the symptoms, therefore you need to take them. If it works, it works.

[San]

danceintherain: No need to apologize.

I've just been on AD's for so long (once I was on 300mg Effexor, I came off it because it threw me into bad mixed episodes) I'm kind of afraid of coming off Prozac.. It is a low dose.

I'll probably leave my meds the way they are for a bit, see what happens. The switch back to Xanax helped a lot

[give&take]

More about Amisulpride: http://www.bcmhas.ca/NR/rdonlyres/8BFC92AF-4023-4D5F-BF51-38DF2B13F531/12666/2003_Apr_Amisulpride.pdf It says it's available in canada on the third page and it's also called Solian. It's really worth a try. I wouldn't recommend it as a daily schedule drug though.

These here are mine: http://www.actavis.ch/de-produkt-amisulprid_actavis-154.htm?confirmed (i live in Switzerland)

[SashaSue]

More about Amisulpride: http://www.bcmhas.ca/NR/rdonlyres/8BFC92AF-4023-4D5F-BF51-38DF2B13F531/12666/2003_Apr_Amisulpride.pdf It says it's available in canada on the third page and it's also called Solian. It's really worth a try. I wouldn't recommend it as a daily schedule drug though.

These here are mine: http://www.actavis.ch/de-produkt-amisulprid_actavis-154.htm?confirmed (i live in Switzerland)

Once again, AAP's are really not an appropriate treatment for anxiety.

[Anna]

AAPs can be an effective tx for certain types of anxiety, but not what I'd call "pure" anxiety I don't think. There are many other better options to try first.... Anna

[SashaSue]

AAPs can be an effective tx for certain types of anxiety, but not what I'd call "pure" anxiety I don't think. There are many other better options to try first.... Anna

If the anxiety is part of a mood episode, or a psychotic episode, then AAP's totally make sense. But for ordinary, regular anxiety, they don't seem like a good choice at all.

[Aurochs]

AAPs can be an effective tx for certain types of anxiety, but not what I'd call "pure" anxiety I don't think. There are many other better options to try first.... Anna

If the anxiety is part of a mood episode, or a psychotic episode, then AAP's totally make sense. But for ordinary, regular anxiety, they don't seem like a good choice at all.

If the anxiety is associated with OCD, or just doesn't respond to other treatments, AAPs also make sense.

But in any case, it's not relevant to the OP, because he's already tried a variety of AAPs and couldn't tolerate them.

[San]

I'm a "She"

It's not OCD anxiety, just persistent anxiety. And I do take an AAP, Geodon. I find the anxiety comes and goes during the day, and I always wake up anxious. (That's been happening for many, many years)

I've tried so many meds.. some don't bother me at all, some have side effects I can't stand .I think my issue right now is I'm not doing much (summer break), and I've always been anxious/a worrier. Too much time to think.

Right now my mood is pretty stable, and no delusions, my normal level of paranoia, I'm sleeping decently and eating decently. Today was a good day.

[give&take]

Can you remember what caused your anxiety?

[gizmo]

I can't look at all the responses right now, but I had a thought: what if you are getting anxiety from the mental meds themselves? Then a med like cogentin or artane may really help calm the inner agitation and constant anxiety.

I notice a big difference of I'm off my artane for a couple of days.

[San]

give&take: Not really, I start feeling overwhelmed and then I get shaky.. I've never been a calm person, I've always struggled with anxiety (and mood swings) as far back as I can remember.

gizmo: I'll look into those. It could be from the meds, but most of them I've been on for so long. At the moment I'm not in school (summer break) or doing a lot outside the house. I'm trying to learn a new programming language to give me something to do.. Physically I've been exhausted, so I haven't been horseback riding as much as I want..