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Semi-friends SUCK!


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I told my internet friend that I would prefer if he didn't send me a 'Hello, what's up' email every morning. It was getting annoying, and I'm quite an introverted person.

He has since gone nuts, and said he is really hurt. I have apologized in emails twice, stating that I was a bit unwell, but that's just how I was feeling. He now says it will take time for him to be not annoyed with me. WTF?!?! How many times do you need to apologise for a rational request without someone guilting you and giving you the cold shoulder?!?

I am really furious, what is wrong with people like this - something doesn't go the way they want, so they take it out on you ad nauseum! I feel like I should just tell him to grow up or get rid of him, though he's usually a nice person. Also, I said I was unwell when I snapped, so is it not reasonable to expect some forgiveness? Is he not being sensitive to my illness in this situation?

What the frik is wrong with someone like that?!?!

Do I have a right to be annoyed that he's holding a grudge even though I've apologised a few times? He's usually a nice person, and a good friend, but I think maybe this is vindictive behaviour?!


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You absolutely have the right to be annoyed. He sounds like an asshat. To have sent you a message every single day? More than an asshat, a douchebag asshat. I would suggest not responding to him for a long time. He will either see sense and apologize, or he will go away.

Good luck!

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Yeah thanks guys. I guess I enabled it by responding every day. It's hard to know how to treat someone who "kills you with kindness".

I am so angry that he is holding a grudge because I spoke up. I don't want to lose this friend, but if they keep being pissed off with me then I will just ignore them, I guess.

What is wrong with people that smother you and then act all offended when you try to back off?!? Makes me glad I am a reclusive person. People and their issues bleeding all over me.

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your friend probably felt he was being helpful and is now hurt. I'd give the whole thing time to cool off before worrying too much about it. don't keep apologizing, just see what transpires.


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your friend probably felt he was being helpful and is now hurt.

That's quite likely, I suppose. My response was based on not having daily contact like that from anyone, friends or family, so it seemed kind of oppressive to me. I have an odd mix of the ability to be very friendly mixed with a lot of paranoia/irritability, so I often don't have the patience to deal with that kind of behavior. I can understand that someone trying to be friendly would be hurt if asked to stop, but that doesn't entitle him to hold a grudge.

Gah. Whatever else I was going to write is being driven out of my head by a small person practicing violin. It just doesn't matter how good he is, some days the high notes make me want to turn the strings into a garrote. (ha ha)

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  • 2 weeks later...

Had it been me, I would not have answered each and every daily e-mail he sent, if I found it annoying.

By continually replying to them, you were basically teaching him it was "okay" to keep doing it. Answering each one as it showed up in your in box was encouraging him to keep on doing it.

What I would've done was determined to answer him only so- many-times per week or per month.

Even if he sends me a message every single day, I'd only send him one e-mail per month or week.

Just because he sends one every day does not mean you're under obligation to answer each one, all the time, every day.

As for your current situation - you told him how the mail makes you feel, and now he's wounded -

That's for him to deal with. As long as you are genuinely being fair and kind to your friends, if they choose to get hurt by your honest admission that one of their behaviors bothers you, that's for him to deal with.

You're not responsible for his feelings, nor for how he chooses to react to what you said.

All you can do is tell him you value the friendship, but a daily e-mail is a bit much for you, you'd prefer him writing you only "X" number of times a week.

You can also tell him if he continues to send you a daily "How are you doing" e-mail, that you don't promise to read/ reply to each and every one, you hope to hear from him again, but if this miffs him to the point he never writes you again, tell him that's unfortunate, but you'll accept that decision.

It's his choice how he reacts to all that.

But don't take for granted that this guy is asking you how you are.

Having someone who expresses a true interest in you and how you're doing should not be taken for granted.

Most people are self centered and will only go on and on about their own lives and won't stop to think maybe they should ask you about yours.

A friend that cares enough to frequently write and ask how you're doing is very rare.

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