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CookiesAndCream

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CookiesAndCream

CookiesAndCream

Posted
Posted

I know that introductions don't really tell you anything about a person. That only happens after they stick around and you chat with them over a period of time. But I will go over the main points.

I'm 22 years old, and a female. My name is Lisa Marie. I'm not worried about privacy with my name, there are millions of Lisa Maries. I live in The Middle of Nowhere, Ohio. I live with my parents still. I tried moving out once, but it was unsuccessful. I'm sure I'll share that crazy story at some point.

I'm here basically because of depression and SI tendencies. I've been on Paxil for 12+ years. It works to a point, but I think I've reached the limit of what medication can do. I feel like a failure because I've tried nursing school, but dropped out because I was overwhelmed and had a mini-breakdown. Another problem is that I'm a bully magnet. My classmates would mock me over a stupid question and I just gave up, thinking I was probably too stupid to continue. I plan to try again sometime soon, but fear of failure and lack of motivation, also money, are standing in my way. I've never held a job and I've been looking for close to 3 years now. I apply everywhere, rarely get interviews, and then get passed over. I think they see I'm 22 and have always been jobless, so therefore think something is wrong with me.

I used to be suicidal. My first attempt was at age 8. I don't believe I am in this point in time, but I fear those old feelings will return sometime in the future. I do see a doctor, but she doesn't know the depth of my issues, really. You can't sit with someone and explain that your entire life you've felt like a burden to your family and feel worthless. I especially can't because I always begin crying too hard and I can't talk.

What's more is that I feel like I'm undeserving of my depression, in a way. I have a safe place to live, food to eat, and people who don't mind taking care of me. So many people have much less, so what right do I have to be miserable?

And the final thing I have to say: I recently found someone willing to date me. He's really nice. We've been seeing each other since February-March. He's living soon to attend school out of state, and will be gone at least until September. He's had some events in his life that make him unable to go to school here. He wants to continue seeing me long distance, he'd only be able to visit me maybe once a month after Sept. for who knows how long. But I like him, and it isn't like I have suitors beating down my door, so I agreed. I've been a leaky faucet(crying) for 24 hours because he really has no choice but to leave. I know it's corny but these past few months I've felt happier with him than I have in years. Another speed bump in life, so to speak, is the fact that I'm bisexual, and half my family would disown me if they knew.

Wow, didn't mean to make my intro this long. :( Sorry about that.

By the way, I love the humorous captions in these forums! Can't get enough Monty Python, or humor in this world.

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Guest Vapourware

Guest Vapourware

Posted
Posted

Welcome to the boards. I'm yet another who had a breakdown when studying. I managed to graduate with a BA eventually, it just took longer than I had anticipated. More recently, I was basically told that social work [i was studying for a MSW] was not the appropriate career path for me so now I'm in the hunt for something else - and I'm 28! So, you've got plenty of time.

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