just.confused Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Hi there, my names Eddie. I came across this site and decided to join so I could maybe find solace in advice from others who might be having some of the same issues I've been dealing with. To start, I'm 19 and throughout my whole life I've dealt with many hardships and near constant stress an many forms. I guess it really all started with my realationship or lack there of with my father. Now, I don't harbor much resentment towards him, but he has his problems. He's had problems with drug addiction and alcoholism and he's told me before that he suffers from depression, anxiety and bi-polar disorder. Also, my mother deals with depression and anxiety and is a recovering alcoholic, in her words. Other things that I've dealt with include the stress of two step-fathers who were mentally abusive, one of whom I am quite sure was trying to drive my mother to insanity, because at that time I had never seen my mom acting so strange. She suffered from delusions, such as believing our car seats were aliens to hallucinating about creatures on the rooftops in our neighborhood. Needless to say, we were very happy to get out that situation. After that, the stresses I had didnt completely dissipate, but things got better. Now, enough of my life story. I'd like to maybe get some adive as to what I can do to help with my problems. Ever since I was young I suffered from mild to severe depression, on and off. This stems, mostly I believe, from all the stress I've been subjected to, but it also has a long history on both sides of my family. The depression can sometimes feel just overwhelming and it has caused me at times to be very reclusive and antisocial. As well as decreasing my feelings of self worth and increasing my feelings of just not knowing who I am and helplessness. I am always very aware of my faults and weaknesses and I constantly fear that those attributes outweigh anything positive about me. Most of the time I just feel hopeless and apathetic. And just depressed. Also, Ive suffered from anxiety for years. This also runs in my family on both sides. Theres not much to say about this than that I suppose. My biggest worries come from my severe bouts of insomnia, my very small appetite ( I sometimes go days without eating and still have no desire to, eventually having to force myself to eat) and my, and this is the only way I know how to call them, pychotic breaks or episodes. The latter of these is my main worry. Since I was a small child, I've had issues that I find very hard to explain. Theses problems first started, I believe, with frequent nightmares. Dreams so terrifying and disturbing that I still remember them to this day. In addition, I've also dealt with sleep paralyisis on many occasions and I used to go lucid during dreams. I didnt have any bad feelings toward the lucid dreams, I should say. It was just strange and really very fascinating. But I digress. When the problems really started was when my nightmares seemed to manifest themselves in my waking life. That is to say, I suppose, that I started to have episode of hallucinations and feelings similar to those in my dreams. What happens during these episodes is very hard to explain, but Ill try because this is what I'd like the most help understanding. What happens is this: It usually starts with an overwhelming sense of fear and anxiety. Then it seems like all the sounds around me begin multiplying and echoing, at which point I get very scared. Once that has happened I actuallystart to hear what sounds like a huge group of people surrounding me and mumbling or yelling at me.. I can never make out clear words, just the mumbling and yelling. At this point it litterally feels like my sensory input overloads and starts attacking me. I guess thats the way I'll put it. Dyring all this I just get terrified. These episodes can last a short while to up to an hour I suppose.And then they just fade away. Thats the best explanation I can give and they happen seemingly at random. In addition to all this, IKd like to add that on several occasions Ive awoken from one of my nightmares and been subjected to these things. Almost like a nightmare while awake. For example, I remember once I woke uo downstairs in my living room under the impression that I was being attacked by flying pumpkins. As well as hearing the mumbling and yelling voices. This, you might imagine was very terrifying. Eventually the "dream", what have you, faded and I was able to fall back to sleep. I apologize for the length, I just wanted to be as detailed as possible to maybe get some opinions as to what I am dealing with as well as some advice to deal with these problems. If anyone can maybe shed some light on this I would be very grateful. thankyou, Eddie. A.K.A just.confused Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.