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Obsessive thoughts


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So I was in a meeting yesterday for work (BTW - no body I work with knows I'm MI) and I'm looking at this really important dude...my boss's boss. And for one thing he's ginormous...like a football player. He's got these great big hands that could squash a person...and suddenly I realize that his thumbs are all jacked up. They're about a million times worse than mine. I played it cool but I was completely mesmerized..and I couldn't stop thinking "OMG he's a freak like me" then I started to notice that he would pick at his thumbs when he was listening to someone drone on about something. And, did I mention this?, his thumbs are huge. Like these magnificent beacons calling to me...

every since I noticed it in this meeting (which was over 36 hours ago) I can't stop thinking about this guy - I want to talk to him about his fabulous thumbs and I want to touch them (which is really weird...because I usually don't like touching people at all) and see if they feel the same way that mine do...I want to know if he's been doing it forever, does he try to stop, is he ashamed? Maybe it's eczema or something...could I peel a little bit off for him? I'd let him do mine...it'd be like trading baseball cards.

Of course, I'm not going to say anything to him (although I have come up with several legitimate reasons to talk to him since yesterday - what if he notices my thumbs? we could start a club...like a secret society called Dermis) The point is that I've been obsessing about this. It's intruding on my thoughts - I'm supposed to be doing homework for grad school right now. This is the ridiculous crap that creeps into my feeble brain all the time...I'm giddy about a pair of huge, flaky thumbs that reside in an office the size of my living room.

I'm just trying this forum post thing to see if it helps me stop obsessing...I've never had an outlet before and I cannot believe I am actually allowing people to see this crazy shit. I can't tell if I'm more afraid that people will ridicule this post or ignore it.

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I was just diagnosed with OCD on Monday. Yesterday I kept thinking about smacking myself in the forehead with a key chain. It makes me feel better to talk about the ridiculousness of these thoughts; hopefully it helps you too. Incidentally, as a disclaimer, I don't recommend smacking yourself in the forehead with a key chain OR feeling your coworker's thumbs. : )

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Thanks for responding Storm. Interestingly I've spent many days thinking about smacking myself in the forehead with various things - most frequently my office phone's handset. When I was in high school/college I thought about smacking myself with my textbooks all the time. It's actually really great to know that there is someone else out there with these thoughts!

I'm still dreaming about those thumbs BTW - I have another meeting with this guy tomorrow...that's probably why I can't stop thinking about it. I'm looking forward to it...I want to get closer to them and really get a good look at what's going on there. I'm fairly certain that by Saturday morning I'll be over it and on to some other weird thing. Until then I'll be thinking of whether not I can get away with shaking hands with him...then I could accidentally touch a thumb. But shaking hands would be out of character for me and I'm not sure I could make myself do it. It would be so righteous if he initiated the hand shaking...then I'd have to do it.

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The "O" side of OCD is pretty new to me. I've had compulsions for 30+ years, but I haven't had disturbing obsessive thoughts until the past few weeks. Looking back, I've had obsessive thoughts before, but nothing that was disturbing. Countless times in work meetings, I've had a sudden urge to make out with a male coworker. Not anyone in particular, just whoever was handy. That's been going on for 15 years or so. Lately it's become self-harm; the other day when I was loading the dishwasher, I had an urge to stab myself with a dinner fork. I slapped myself the other day (at home, with no one around to see). I get the urge to drive my car into oncoming traffic. I'm not suicidal (been suicidal before, and this ain't that); I just get these weird urges that come and go quickly.

So I'm still getting used to this whole idea of having crazy thoughts flash through my head. How long have you been dealing with these? What types of meds/therapy/etc has helped you with them?

Thanks for sharing...I do find it oddly comforting, too, that you also think about smacking yourself in the forehead with things. And you're a skin picker too? That's how I got started down this road, when I was around 8 years old. I still pick every day...don't know how I'm ever going to stop doing that.

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The "O" side of OCD is pretty new to me. I've had compulsions for 30+ years, but I haven't had disturbing obsessive thoughts until the past few weeks. Looking back, I've had obsessive thoughts before, but nothing that was disturbing. Countless times in work meetings, I've had a sudden urge to make out with a male coworker. Not anyone in particular, just whoever was handy. That's been going on for 15 years or so. Lately it's become self-harm; the other day when I was loading the dishwasher, I had an urge to stab myself with a dinner fork. I slapped myself the other day (at home, with no one around to see). I get the urge to drive my car into oncoming traffic. I'm not suicidal (been suicidal before, and this ain't that); I just get these weird urges that come and go quickly.

So I'm still getting used to this whole idea of having crazy thoughts flash through my head. How long have you been dealing with these? What types of meds/therapy/etc has helped you with them?

Thanks for sharing...I do find it oddly comforting, too, that you also think about smacking yourself in the forehead with things. And you're a skin picker too? That's how I got started down this road, when I was around 8 years old. I still pick every day...don't know how I'm ever going to stop doing that.

I've been dealing with this since I was very little. I know because every time I ride as a passenger in someone else's car I have the urge to open the door and get out...while the car is moving and when I was five I actually did it...or tried to. My mom grabbed me before I actually got out. I can't stop thinking about what it would be like to put my feet on the ground while the car is moving. But only when I'm a passenger (and now that I'm single again I'm very rarely a passenger). I started picking when I was 8 too. It never occurred to me that the random urges to slap myself were abnormal until I was 12 or so. I used to think about how i should stop with the skin picking...all the time but I never could stop and these days I don't really worry about stopping anymore - to me, there are worse things I could be doing.

I've never come across any meds or therapy that have helped with any of my OC stuff. I've come across some that have made it significantly worse tho. I've always been more concerned with my depression because I've been suicidal my whole life (I first thought about killing myself when I was 8) So far, Cymbalta is the only thing that takes the edge off of the depression - I am still suicidal quite frequently tho - I should talk to my pdoc about upping the dosage - but it makes me very sleepy and it makes me gain weight - the weight gain thing is like the antithesis of helping me in my mind because it's one reason among many that I can use to tell myself I should kill myself. So - rock and a hard place I suppose. The best thing that I know of to keep me from acting out any of the urges is to be around other people - which isn't always possible i know. But for me, I am generally way more obsessive and paranoid about what other people see me doing than I am about the random things I think of doing - so if I'm in my office and I get the urge to pick up the phone and slam it into my face...I get up - walk to the cubicle area and pretend to be looking for some sort of paperwork or a stapler etc. I generally end up with the feeling that everyone is now looking at me and the urge quickly passes.

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