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when to just give it up?


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lately, i've been thinking i've been doing pretty good. not perfect, but more better than i have been for a long time. there a few rough days, but pretty good enough that i sometimes think, hmm, maybe i should ask to go off meds.

and then, bam! this week hits. it's just gone downhill since tuesday. that was when the anxiety hit. yesterday i had to work at a site over an hour away from here. i made it there in 56 minutes. this after promising partner and pdoc that i wouldn't drive so fast anymore. i just couldn't help it. today i feel like i am barely hanging on. i've felt like this before, but today was different. before it was both hands by my fingertips from a ledge. today it feels like one hand and only by my fingernails on that hand, which are bitten off into nothing. the shopping has switched from me to for small person. shoes are the new weakness.

i called the pclinic on tuesday to see when my next appointment with a pdoc is. there isn't one. but i am to talk to tdoc when i am there next tuesday about my concerns. i'm pretty sure she will schedule something since i have a lot of meds questions as well.

how do i know when it is time to just give it up and stop fighting and let go? and what happens if i do that?

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I don't know anyone who keeps getting better from their mental health problem as a steadily increasing rate with no relapses or setbacks. Most people I know have had time on meds when they have been well and time when they haven't been so well. That is certainly true for me. Our mental health is tied up in all sorts of things, our physical health, time of year, stress in our lives etc that it's not wonder that we can have a good stretch then feel ill again. As a general rule, the time to taper meds down slowly is after a significant period of time when stability has been constant and stress in life has been successfully handled without a relapse. It's at that point that you'd be looking to come off medication, even then there would be no problem or failure with going back on medication if after time without meds you began to struggle again.

It's probably more helpful to focus on your wellness and managing it in the long term, accepting the good and bay days as they happen, rather than look to a mythical future point when you're 'cured'. Letting go of the control urges around when to go off meds often frees you up to better manage the condition you have in the here and now. If meds help you control the illness, that is great news, even though the side effects and stigma around them does suck. It's best to focus on your quality of life foremost, rather than your status on or of meds.

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Titrating up on Lamictal was a hard time for me, and for others from what I've read.

I'm not sure exactly what you mean by letting it go, but I think it's best to keep hanging on.

Please, please, give up driving, at least for now.

Be sure you keep receipts so you can return unworn shoes, and maybe put your cards away and have SO dole out only the cash you need each day. (easy for me to say, harder for me to do when I need to myself)

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by give it up, i mean give up this feeling that i am coping, hanging on to "normal" whatever that is. because right now i feel like it's really, really hard to hold on. when is it time to stop fighting whatever is pulling me away from "normal" and just say, i give up? and what happens if i do that? each day it's getting harder.

i probably need new meds. or more meds. or, just take me away.

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I think you need keep *trying* to hang on, but you need to tell tdoc, and probably SO, that you are in a very bad way and need some real support right now. Stop pretending to the people who care and can help that everything is ok, because it's not. But don't give up on yourself. Not sure this is making much sense - I want you to give up the illusion, but not give up hope.

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I don't think you can "give up" in the sense you're talking about. It'll all just follow you down once you let go. Then you're at bottom and you've still got all the same problems and stuff.

I agree with the others that you cannot wait, you cannot put on a brave face to others. You need to be reaching out for help any way you can right now. You are staring down a crisis.

Recently, I let go. Or so I thought. I ended up nearly ODing on ativan. Don't let that happen. I got no relief from letting go. None.

And also, you need to stop driving for now.

k

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if this is crisis i don't like it. and yet, i don't think it is THAT bad. or maybe my view is clouded by what you see in movies and on tv.

took two valium (pdoc said i could take two since they are only 2mg each) and feel a little better. but still weird.

i've only been back at work 4 days. i'm not sure i can handle it. i wish i didn't feel like i have to take care of everyone and everything. i wish someone would take care of me instead. i've started looking for another job. preferrably part time, even though it will be hard. but i have to think that part time would be better than batshit crazy. i need to think of me.

i'm going to bed. maybe i'll feel better in the morning.

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