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First of all I am sorry about my questions. You must be tired of listening to me. I am not suicidal or anything but I want to die. I wish I was feeling suicidal right now so I can end it all here and now. But I am tired of these thoughts ruminating in my mind, day in day out. I work and it's really effecting me now. I am paranoid about other people talking bad about me. I don't think anyone understands just how much this is affecting me. I am asian and my family are putting pressure on me to get married, by a certain age. But I've told them that I can't because of this illness. But they are all in denial that I have it. My life feels like it’s on hold and I’m at a dead end road. What’s going on? I’m never going to get past this. I just feel stuck. I’m just having a really bad day.

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I'm so sorry, Ishy. I know what it's like to have a family that doesn't understand...either by willful ignorance or plain stupidity. It really fucking blows to be invalidated like that. It makes you question yourself, when you should really be questioning them. No one can completely understand what it's like to be you and it's incredibly unfair of them to place value judgments on your level of sorrow.

But a lot of us here understand *a lot* of what it's like to feel like you're feeling right now. It sucks. It really, really, really, sucks. I was there the last couple weeks out of seemingly nowhere.

Just know that you're not alone in this and there's help. Are you seeing a therapist and psychiatrist? It's imperative that you address this with them. Taking care of your mental health is their *job*. That's what they are paid to do.

What helps me when I'm hopeless is looking through funny sites like happychairishappy.com (I fully admit to being a dork) and looking through things that remind me of silliness; not necessarily happiness. Because being reminded of happiness just makes me feel even worse that I'm not happy at the moment. Fresh air and sunshine help a lot. If you have friends, go out with them and force yourself to be part of the conversations and events. Even if it's only going through the motions, it still serves to distract you a bit from the misery.

It will get better, but you need some time, caring, and medication. Don't give up because things feel so godawful bleak and hopeless right now. This is just *right now*. And while it blows great big donkey balls to feel this way, it's only a temporary thing.

I'll have to remind myself to read what I've just put the next time I feel like life is more of a burden than I can bear.....

Be gentle on yourself. It's not your fault you feel shitty.

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