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Stagnant Meds


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So, I've been in a major mixed state for a while now. I saw my pdoc tonight and she absolutely agreed that that's what I'm going through. I also asked her to re-confirm ny diagnosis, as I was having doubts. Bipolar 1 with mixed states and she assured me that I'd prolly be a lot worse if I had been taking nothing:-/ Sounds pretty bleak to me. I've been diagnosed several years now, but for some reason feel like I was just diagnosed and now what do I do? Today I feel wonderful, straight, happy mania w/o depression. Why should I take her advice and start risperdal again? Plus, I wanted to start Tegretol and quit the Lamictal which does shit for mania and she wouldn't let me. I want to fly!! I'm bubbling over and if I go home to my family they will shut it down. I wish I still had my own apartment in FL.

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I guess I'm afraid of the alternative, natch. If I take the Risperdal to knock down the mania, will I get severely depressed or will I stay somewhere in the middle? I've been a 32 y/o paranoid recluse for the last 4 years. Now I'm bursting and want to be out and about. How do I say possibly say no to that?

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Well, the mania/bursting to be out and about will turn bad eventually (unfortunately) so I'd vote for taking pdoc's advice on meds and staying ahead of the curve.

In my experience (whatever that's worth), only one AAP made me depressed, and definitely not severely - mildly - hell, it could've just been coincidence. Seroquel is the only AAP ever used to take me out of a mania (as opposed to switching AAPs) and it just took me out, it didn't crash me down.

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It didn't depress me at all, it actually helped ( a little) with my depressive symptoms. Obviously it works differently for everyone, but it mostly helped with paranoia, delusions and sleep for me. And just making my thoughts more...normal. Maybe you could just try it for a couple of weeks to see if it works for you?

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Yes, I think you are both right and I guess I won't fight it. It's just that when I'm baseline or depressed I prefer to be alone and it doesn't hurt that I have no one in my life. But when I'm manic, I crave companionship and activity and right now I feel sooooo lonely, I could cry. I don't know what that has to do with my original post, it just struck me as really sad, though.

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It's tough....I go through periods of being social and being very unsocial, and mood has a big part in that. So I get what you're saying there. Hopefully though Risperdal gives you stability, and balance, and you can have balance in other parts of your life as well.

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and quit the Lamictal which does shit for mania

...Yeah, lamictal doesn't tend to do much for mania, which is why people tend to call it the bipolar antidepressant. Doesn't really help to look at it as only an anti-manic.

Now I'm bursting and want to be out and about. How do I say possibly say no to that?

Let me put it thusly:when I was in rehab, and the group laeder showed a video on bp so the group could better understand where I was coming from, one of the meth guys said, "boy...that sounds just like being on meth"--which is what I'd been thinking but never dared say.

It starts out sooo good, then it turns on you. Nasty-like. Mania will always bite you in the ass if you let it go.

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I heart my risperidone. Really. It hasn't been depressing at all, it just extinguished the 7000 thoughts and ideas trying to push their way to the forefront of my consciousness.

To be honest, I haven't been depressed in a while, my illness changed. But I had multiple, year+ long, severe depressions in my 20s and early 30s. This does not feel remotely like depression, which is not to say you won't try the wrong one for you the first time. I actually didn't like the first one I tried. But now, I am very happy, because I have my mind back.

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Sometimes I don't think I want my mind back. I've always been depressed (first dx was MDD at age 15), and I was on the lamictal to help the depression like just as CrazyNotStupid said. But it seems as I get older (32), my illness is changing and now I spend a good deal of time in these miserable, raging mixed states. Just as of yesterday, I feel like I've been spit out by the mixed state into a state of pure mania. I've only been psychotic once and that was my first big break at 28, hence the BP1 dx. So, what comes next? Guess I won't know since I have to start risperdal again.

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I was a couple of years older than you (37) when I pretty much stopped suffering from depression. Now it is all hypo and mixed states for me (watch my next swing be depression, now). :rolleyes: Obviously, we are totally different people, but my point is, your history may mean less than you think, in terms of finally finding a combo that works.

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I was a couple of years older than you (37) when I pretty much stopped suffering from depression. Now it is all hypo and mixed states for me (watch my next swing be depression, now). :rolleyes:

Well, I'm pretty sure I will always prefer where I am now to those crushing depressions filled with nothingness. You know, I really don't know what I think. I'm manic and should just shut up!! Lol. Seriously, though, I have always known this disease to be progressive, so maybe this is just the way it's going to be from now on... Who knows? But your post at least gave me some hope that maybe I'm leaving the depressions behind. Thanks:)

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I just want to re-emphasize, we are different people. I was using myself as an example, not as a model, you know? The point is, you just don't know until you try it. I have just had that experience by starting an AAP. My pdoc talked to me about going off of it. Once I told him about how crazy-busy my mind was when I had thought I was doing "well," he agreed we are going to have to address that. So my meds will probably change. It is a process, for sure.

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I've pretty much always bounced between depression and mixed states. I've had some brief hypo episodes, but only a few. Since starting Risperdal and (Trileptal), my rage and racing thoughts and paranoia and delusions...pretty much all of the bad shit I was experiencing have pretty much gone away. Trileptal isn't really known to work well for depression, but it's actually evened my moods out quite well. It doesn't seem to be a popular med with people here, but it works for me. There is no way to know how it will work for you, since we are all different. You just have to try things. Honestly though, if your pdoc thinks you should try Risperdal, I think you should give it a go. Just make a deal with yourself/pdoc that you will give it a few weeks or whatever to try it out.

My pdoc doesn't like to add/change more than one med at a time, and that seems to be pretty common. Maybe you can start Risperdal and if it works and you want to stay on it and you feel like Lamictal still isn't working for you, you can change that to something else? It's just that if you mess with more than one med at a time, it's hard to know what is working or not working or which is causing side effects.

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My pdoc doesn't like to add/change more than one med at a time, and that seems to be pretty common. It's just that if you mess with more than one med at a time, it's hard to know what is working or not working or which is causing side effects.

That's exactly how my pdoc is. Ive taken the Risperdal before, but I just lost 14 lbs and I'll be damned if I did all that hard work for nothing. Im prolly talking too soon here, but it seems like I've moved into pure mania now. Happy, busy, can't sit still mania. I'm dreading taking my Risperdal in 10 or so minutes because I have to much to do. I can and want to keep going. My body is in urgent mode where nothing can wait until morning. Then I take my pill like a good little girl and feel resentment and anger. Still ticked that I couldn't have the Tegretol. It's the only thing I haven't been on, so why not try it??

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Let me put it thusly:when I was in rehab, and the group laeder showed a video on bp so the group could better understand where I was coming from, one of the meth guys said, "boy...that sounds just like being on meth"--which is what I'd been thinking but never dared say.

It starts out sooo good, then it turns on you. Nasty-like. Mania will always bite you in the ass if you let it go.

I've said that to my pdoc. It was the only way I could accurately express how "cracked out" (I also said that LOL ) I was...

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