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Do you ever have times when you're ok?


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When I feel normal, which has been a lot more lately, I worry that it's too good to be true... Like one misstep and it'll all crash down... But I'm not anxious about it really. Just afraid, because whenever I felt "Okay" for such a long period of time, there was an even worse crash later.

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Guest Vapourware

Stability is possible - it can take a while, unfortunately, but it can happen. You just have to keep trying until you hit the right med combo and the right holistic treatment. It took me a while to be stabilised after being diagnosed, but being stable is a pleasant feeling.

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I'm not really sure when I'm okay because I really don't have a solid hold on what okay means. I know when I'm more or less stable because my mood cycles slow down and/or become less severe, but that's it. Then I have these almost sort of out-of-body moments, during which I wonder if that's what being okay means. Like I get to leave all the crazy in my body and hover somewhere outside of it, watching.

I do have times when I am utterly convinced that I have been misdiagnosed and do not have any mental issues and would be just fine if I got off all my meds. During those times, I have myself convinced that I'm okay. But those are actually my least okay times, objectively.

Gosh I'm having a bad time getting the words out of my head tonight. I sure hope the above makes sense to anyone other than me.

k

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It made sense.

I went into total remission for 5 years. I didn't even know you could do that! I guess for the average person with bipolar, they do find a treatment, and that is that. It was neurontin (and I was on depakote for migraine, so the combo) that started it, I stablized completely. I always stayed compliant, but I was only on an anti-depressant, and whatever migraine med I was taking, and I forget why I stopped the neurontin. I think I might have maxed out.

Then in 2006, I had a mixed episode. I am not as volatile as some people on the board, but I am cycling more. In 2009 and 10, I would have told you I was a rapid cycler. But until this latest episode, it had been 11 mo. since I was unstable. Now in retrospect, I see that maybe I wasn't quite as stable as I thought, but it was a pretty stable 11 months.

Now for me, in the last year and a half things have been tough, just because my husband and I have a lot of shit going on with both of our health. But through almost all of that, I was responding normally to a very stressful situation. Sure, I was unhappy at how bad things were for my husband, but normal people would be pretty distressed too. It was an appropriate response. To me, that is really when you are okay: When even if times are hard, you respond appropriately.

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It is possible. For me, it took 12 years of medication switching, assessments, several pdocs, many tdocs, ECT, but I can say I have a lot of normal days. At least I think that's whats normal!

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I've been OK for about 6 months, except for a non-MI-related headache that lasted 9 months. It took me years of med-juggling and a 12-shot stint of ECTs to get me here, but I really feel pretty "normal" except for some (OK a lot) of anxiety.

Tommy

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I've had many periods of time where I felt okay. Sometimes it lasts for a day, sometimes a few months. The thing that I hate most is that when I am feeling okay, I wonder how long it will last....how long until I'll feel like shit again. I'm hoping that, in time, I will get to the point where I will be stable for long periods of time. I think that it will happen at some point, it just requires patience and being dedicated to sticking with treatment.

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Thanks everybody. I get so discouraged. I've been treated since I was 13, I'm 25 now. I've had ECT, it didn't work at all. So many meds. I'm so tired of hoping that the new med I'm on will help me get better, b/c so far I've only been disappointed. I'm sick of people who don't understand thinking that I'm lazy. That one really gets me. I would do absolutely anything (almost) to feel better.

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I have small clusters of normal days in between my depressive days and hypomanic days. I cycle really quickly. I definitely enjoy my normal days and wish I had more of them. Hopefully after the next med tweak?? But then I've been saying that for 2 years now.

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I get them here and there

And yeah, whichever poster said something to the effect that they know they're stable/ok when there's big stress and you handle it without freaking out....I gotta agree. That's kind of how I can tell if I'm just on my way to being 'hypo' or if I'm genuinely doing Okay.

I could use more okay days.

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i was stable and sx free for 2 years once, it was heavenly, and yes, i do have lengthy periods of stability which allow me to get things accomplished... such as my education.

i don't expect full time 24-7 stability though, I think i'd be disappointed. i'm more interested in learning how to cope with instability at this point so i don't wreck my life quite as much.

anna

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When I had the year-long depressive episode from hell, I had one day a month that was OK, right after my period. Literally one day of sanity. It was bizarre and it sort of kept me from treatment for awhile, as I figured the depression must have been imagined or hormonal. Went on AD's, discovered that the mess was BP, and I have had quite a few episodes since then - most of which were short, as I made it a point to aggressively medicate them ASAP. Overall, though, I am much happier than I was before depression hit. Meds have made a huge difference, and so has therapy. So far, the combo I'm on has been working really well for the last three months, and I'm hoping it stays that way. If I can get through fall, then I know I will be alright, heh.

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