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I can relate to the difficulty in accepting a diagnosis. I have had the same issue myself. And I have also been through thinking that my meds are just to control me, and also that my alleged psychosis is just a relative of mine trying to get away with things that they have done to me by pretending it is all a delusion. I had a thread about all this a couple of months ago.

Part of my problem is that I have bad insight when I have symptoms, though currently I am doing well. The other part is that I did not want to be proved wrong when I was so convinced that I was actually right.

Is this feeling something you are able to discuss in therapy? I am sure that a lot of people have difficulties with accepting new diagnoses, whatever they may be. I don't know if it would help you to think that you have had the problem for however long and actually the only think that has changed is that you now know what it is, therefore you can get the right treatment and get your life back.

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I feel disappointed in myself for allowing myself to become so mentally ill.

Mental illness is like a giant steamroller. There is nothing you could have done to stop it from starting. You don't have that much power or control. In most cases medication can help to live a more normal life.

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This diagnosis isn't very cheery. But it isn't a death sentance. Really. I think schizophrenia has a worse reputation than it deserves. There is definitely a stigma.

I think accepting a diagnosis may be part of what will help you recover from it. I have a hard time with the whole being on medication indefinitely thing, but my doctor is not heavy handed. I've found that it is better for me to comply with taking meds because it is better for everyone if I don't have psychotic episodes. I think I had to look at it from sort of a third person perspective. If someone I knew was diagnosed with schizophrenia, I would feel, objectively, that they should work with a doctor and be on medication (some mental illnesses can be easily worked through without medication, but others are difficult to manage without them, in my opinion), especially because people can do dangerous/harmful/embarrrasing things when they are in the throes of psychosis. That was important for me to keep in mind. I would never be able to live with myself if I physically harmed someone from being in an episode.

But people really do recover. Medications are a lot better than they used to be (as awful as they feel sometimes, they really are there to help you... even though many things about the drug industry are completely @#$%ed up, in my opinion.) People with psychosis really do often reach a point where they no longer face episodes and can function normally. You can get a sense of that from these boards I think. Having a mental illness, even a relatively severe one, does not need to define you (I had to remind people in my family of this a lot.)

It was really difficult for me to accept my diagnosis. I don't think I ever had a doctor or anyone forcing it on me... The doctor usually wrote "Psychosis not otherwise specified," but I feel pretty sure I have schizoaffective disorder. After my first episode I was not compliant with meds and I did okay for about a year and a half, then had another, less severe episode. I decided after that that I really did need medication and maybe I really did have a mental illness.

I am not sure if I will need to be on meds for the rest of my life. Right now I am on a moderately low dose, which I'm happy about. I would like to eventually be off of meds, but I will have to have a long history of success before I can go off of them I think, as well as a doctor's blessing.

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I think schizophenia has such a poor outlook is due primarily to non-compliance with meds. I'm not saying if you take your meds you will have perfect life, but they will likely stabilize you so that you can live a happy productive life with a minimum of interference from mental illness.

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Don't blame yourself for your illness - it really isn't your fault at all. And I agree with what the others have said. It isn't pleasant to think about, but it isn't a death sentence either. Meds can and probably will gratly improve your life, as soon as you've found the right one for you. It's not easy to accept a diagnosis like that, I know that. How long has it been since you've been diagnosed?

If I get delusional thoughts, I find reality checks to be very helpful. If you're worried your meds are tainted by demons or able to control your mind, ask someone you trust about it, friends or family perhaps. Or us fellow crazies here at CB. I find it really helps me when I have some kind of delusions.

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Guest Vapourware

Yes, the primary difference between scz and sza is that sza has mood episodes and psychosis outside of mood episodes. Sza is generally seen as part of the schizophrenia spectrum, but because of the mood element, it can be hard to differentiate between sza and a mood disorder with psychosis.

A few people have already raised good points. MI is noone's fault. It's like blaming yourself because you have a certain hair colour - it's absurd because it's outside of your control. You can control how you react to it, though. I've been through the whole 'meds are poison' path myself because at one point I was convinced my pdoc was trying to kill me through medication. Thankfully a lot of reality checking by a lot of kind people on CB and my therapist helped me to get back on my meds. I have found being med compliant to be very helpful in my treatment and also having people around who can let me know when my thought processes were faulty.

The initial dx can be overwhemlming. When I was dxed, my therapist said that it was okay to have something of a grieving period. Perhaps you might find that helpful too.

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I fought it hard. I wanted my delusions to be true.

I admitted I was depressed pretty easily but schizo- anything...that was very hard to come to terms with.

however I found that the treatment for what I am diagnosed with really helps. really works. so it's easier to accept. also opening up and finding connections with others who are mentally ill had helped too.

it'll be ok. it's hard to accept, is all.

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I can definitely relate. I know that my diagnosis fits me. I know that I have symptoms and need to be on meds. I STILL have trouble accepting my diagnosis sometimes, especially when I'm feeling better. I just try to remind myself that It's not my fault and that I don't have to let it define who I am. I also remind myself, when I contemplate going off of my meds, what happened the last time I did that (I spiraled into a psychotic mixed episode). It's not something that comes easily, acceptance. It will take time, it's a process that you have to go through. The best thing you can do for yourself (In my opinion) is stay in contact with your pdoc/tdoc and stay on your meds.

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I'm going through a very similar situation. My psychiatrist believes that I have Schizophrenia or Schizoaffective Disorder, and I'm having a really difficult time accepting either of these diagnoses. A part of me believes that I'm not psychotic at all and that my experiences can be attributed to an entity that is capable of controlling my thoughts and emotions. Everyone tells me that this is a delusion, but I'm not sure. It seems so plausible and real to me.

Despite listing my prescribed medications in my signature, I too am med noncompliant. As hypocritical as I am for saying this, I think that you should keep taking them. Medication can definitely alleviate your symptoms. I'll most likely need to go back on mine sometime in the near future.

Please don't feel disappointed with yourself. You didn't choose this. No one does.

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I'm going through a very similar situation. My psychiatrist believes that I have Schizophrenia or Schizoaffective Disorder, and I'm having a really difficult time accepting either of these diagnoses. A part of me believes that I'm not psychotic at all and that my experiences can be attributed to an entity that is capable of controlling my thoughts and emotions. Everyone tells me that this is a delusion, but I'm not sure. It seems so plausible and real to me.

The thought control is the one thing that everyone tries to tell me is a delusion but I know otherwise. I still really struggle to see where the others are coming from here.

And I have always blamed any delusions that I am aware of on the thought control. This, however, is getting a little better and I can now accept that this wasn't always the case.

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my diagnosis right now is also paranoid schizophrenia. although schizophrenia is often seen as having a poor prognosis; paranoid schizophrenia is known to have the best prognosis amongst the different subtypes of schizophrenia. I didnt have much trouble accepting my diagnosis because every since taking medications at least i never really feel sick. I mean, its not like i have a flu where i feel miserable all the time. I often have doubts that i really have it, but my family always tells me that I do. Experientially, for me, it only felt very miserable when i was in a full blown episodes and especially the time I had to be hospitalized. Between episodes I had delusions and it would also feel quite bad. Nowadays it doesnt feel that bad(mostly i assume cus of the medication) besides having some thoughts/ feelings that I am evil and being somewhat "disfunctional." Going to school, for example, is somewhat difficult for me. However if one can get the psychotic symptoms under control(with medication) like i have been doing for a while then life can be hopeful and the stress/anxiety that results from paranoid delusions can be reduced.

I have also thought for a long time that my illness is my fault. That it was a result of a weakness on my part and that i could have prevented it. However, when i think about it now I dont think that is the case. Noone really knows for sure what causes schizophrenia so i dont thinkk there is any basis in thinking that my illness is my fault.

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