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My parents have fought all my life.

Their fights have always scared me.

When I was little my father punched holes in walls, in doors, slammed doors so hard they broke, and still breaks things when they fight.

Both of my parents are responsible for the arguments.

Because of these fights, I get anxiety any time I witness an argument.

My hands shake, heart rate increases, and by breathing becomes uneven. It makes me very nervous.

I am easily startled by sudden noises.

Sudden noises while witnessing these things are even worse.

They leave me jumping and gasping for air.

Someone told me this is a form of trauma.

Is that true?

Here is a poem I wrote one night when it was really getting to me.

Trembling

Here it is, quarter to three

Hands are shaking, on my knees

Begging, pleading, Father please

Stop the fighting, bring us peace

Curses flying, slamming doors

I can’t take it anymore

Yelling, stomping across the floor

Holes in walls and broken doors

Silent praying in my bed

Fetal position, filled with dread

A single pillow around my head

Drown out the hate, don’t let it spread

I try and let these melodies

Keep me safe and comfort me

I wish old times would leave me be

Not fill my nights with grinding teeth

Hands are shaking

Hold them still

Palms are sweaty

I have chills

Chest is aching

I do not feel

Heart is heavy

Is this real?

Silence.....

Has the storm passed?

The air still tense, I dare not ask..

At every noise I jump and gasp

Just when calm seemed within grasp

Life of trembling, feeling weak

See what you have done to me?

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Guest Vapourware

Whatever you want to call it, it sounds like your experiences have left you worse for wear. I can't diagnose you, but I would say that your responses are akin to some sort of trauma, because it has left you with inappropriate responses to benign environmental triggers. If you have a therapist, I would suggest that you talk to them about what you have written here. Being able to process your experiences will go a long way into moving on with your life.

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  • 2 weeks later...

A body wound or shock produced by sudden physical injury, as from violence or accident. It can also be described as a physical wound or injury, such as a fracture or blow. Major trauma (defined by an Injury Severity Score of greater than can result in secondary complications such as circulatory shock, respiratory failure and death. Resuscitation of a trauma patient often involves multiple management procedures. Trauma is the sixth leading cause of death worldwide, accounting for 10% of all mortality, and is a serious public health problem with significant social and economic costs.

distant healing

your post has nothing to do with the op's query. please refrain from trying to sell your crap here. this is a site for seeking support, not bullshit.

h

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I would also suggest therapy to do some trauma work so that arguments don't trigger you so much. Unfortunately, they happen a lot.

My parents argued a great deal, and it was difficult. I have found with therapy over the years, my ability to tolerate (and even initiate if it is needed, heh) conflict is improved.

that said, we have "safe conflict" rules in our home. When discussing difficult issues, me or my husband is free to leave at any time and resume the discussion when calm. in fact, we went through a structured therapy program to improve communication as niether one of us is that good at conflict. we still fly off the deep end occasionally while under severe stress, but generally , things have greatly improved. It's nice to know that csonflict does not have to be scary, wrong, or awful.

Things can really improve for you if you want it, is what i'm saying.

I was so traumatized by conflict (mainly from my ex) that I would literally go hide in a room or a closet whenever conflict happened. It really sucked. I've come a long way since then.

Anna

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Here is a poem I wrote one night when it was really getting to me.

Trembling

Here it is, quarter to three

Hands are shaking, on my knees

Begging, pleading, Father please

Stop the fighting, bring us peace

Curses flying, slamming doors

I can’t take it anymore

Yelling, stomping across the floor

Holes in walls and broken doors

Silent praying in my bed

Fetal position, filled with dread

A single pillow around my head

Drown out the hate, don’t let it spread

I try and let these melodies

Keep me safe and comfort me

I wish old times would leave me be

Not fill my nights with grinding teeth

Hands are shaking

Hold them still

Palms are sweaty

I have chills

Chest is aching

I do not feel

Heart is heavy

Is this real?

Silence.....

Has the storm passed?

The air still tense, I dare not ask..

At every noise I jump and gasp

Just when calm seemed within grasp

Life of trembling, feeling weak

See what you have done to me?

simply beautiful! and i hope that letting all of those words flow from the hurt you have inside helped you even for a little while.

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