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Tired of being asked to drop the meds


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So again after almost a week without my lithium my family says I'm better off without it....In just a few days I did some stuff I kind of regret, like cutting my hair dying it a color I hate, cutting it more, cursing my pdoc, the hospital and everything in between, been jumping and being all "jolly" and then bam fucking bottom ground, so after an "un-fight" with my mother she said ok buy your meds, so now it's back to zero my sleep has gone again to hell, I'm really anxious and I just want to scream out, I hate it, I can't I don't want to freak out my daughter, she's seen me cry and tries to comfort me or starts crying with me.

Last week I started thinking about throwing myself to the traffic, but then I remembered I have goals and I'm closer now, so I have to stay focused but heck.....It's been horrible, depression and other stuff are considered just excuses for laziness.....I'd rather be working my ass 17 hours a day than feeling this crappy and every time I hear "you don't need to take meds" it stirs something within me, I'm kind of calmed, mostly passive, so I don't say anything, I don't want any more drama around me but damn, I feel observed as some sort of impostor, I'm tired of all this, it's hard when the people around you don't realize you are trying your best to work and not implode.

*sighs* sorry for ranting I needed some venting

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Guest Vapourware

Are you in contact with your pdoc now? If not, I think it is a good idea to talk to them about your current experiences. They can't help you unless they know the full story. You may need a med tweak, or a change in medication altogether.

I'm glad that you are back on medication. It may take a little while to kick in, because of the fact you have stopped. To be honest, the only way you can get the best out of your meds is if you are taking them on a consistent basis.

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vapourware is right, you should be taking meds, and consistenly at that, to get the most out of them. I have stopped taking my meds for periods at a time, and the results have always been tragic for me. don't worry about what your family says, only you know what is best for you. it would be great if they understood, but sadly I don't think that they do.

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Why are you letting your family convince you to stop taking your meds? You obviously need them to stay feeling balanced. Hopefully you'll start feeling better soon. If your family can't be supportive of you staying on your medications, maybe you should not discuss that stuff with them anymore.

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Your daugter is more important than your mom. She's more important than anyone. Take your meds, be as balanced as you can, and fuck everyone else. Or put more diplomatically, don't talk to them about it. Join DBSA or NAMI or find a friend who actually does understand and talk to those folks instead.

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It sounds to me like your family might need meds. Is there some kinda religious conflict maybe Jehovah witness or something like that I agree with everyone else I wouldn't share my business I mean I don't its none of there business

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don't talk to them about it.

Exactly. Don't you bring it up, and if someone else starts talking to you about meds or mental health, be alert and immediately shut the conversation down. No ifs, ands, buts. Just draw a line and establish what is going to be off limits from now on and tell them that. And you don't owe them a reason why. None of their business.

ETA you can say its just what you are choosing to do

Edited by y58
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I try to stay as far as the topic as possible, but heck almost every female in my family has some sort of mental thing going one, they say they are concerned about the lithium, since I've been down beat, sometimes I sleep to much sometimes I just can't (clonazepam isn't working at all) last year my grandmother almost died because a drug cocktail they were giving her that included lithium among other meds some for her Alzheimer's (it runs in the family) and schizophrenia. They argue I'm more "alive" when I'm not taking it, I just have no will whatsoever.

I don't want to tell them about the meds but since I live with them now, when I have to go to the shrink I need someone to stay with my little one, so they know. I tried going through the whole shrink thing without my close family knowing, an aunt helped me with that but once my mother knew of it, agh it was the spanish inquisition here, and I'm just tired.

As for the shrink status...until october will I be able to see the public one, I can't pay the private shrink anymore, I just hope the shrink doesn't ditch me again.

I'm failing with my meds continuance I go some time with them, some without and the effect they were having at first, I had even started stuff I loved like painting, writing and even learned to play piano but now i just don't even feel like doing anything I cry a lot, in the worse places, my chief at the museum told me to call her if I ever felt like not coming out of my bed (I had to explain to her my situation, because she noticed I looked sad sometimes and my face may be betraying me because I think I try to always have a "neutral" face and try to smile.

My shrink told me I had another thing as well, temporal lobe thing....dunno if what he gave me was supposed to make the weird feeling, smells and lights stop but it didn't [i know there is another topic about that] My muscles twitch every now and then, and my hands shake more often (I was told that was because of the lithium, is that so?)

I made some resolutions for my life and I don't want to give up...but just sometimes I feel like nothing is worth.

It's been tremendously helpful to find this site, here I don't feel like a liar, I wanted to blog, but I' afraid someone in my family may read it.

Thank you all for your comments

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It's been tremendously helpful to find this site, here I don't feel like a liar, I wanted to blog, but I' afraid someone in my family may read it.

If your user name is your real name, I suggest you change your user name to something no one would ever guess about you. A mod can help you, I don't know the details of how to do it, but I know lots of people have.

This isn't facebook and you will notice that most people have anonymous user names. I would also select a password that no one in your family could guess, and set up the site so it doesn't automatically open for you when you pull up the site. That way even if someone at your house finds the site while sneaking a peek at your browsing history, they won't be able to get on the site or figure out who you are, or what your password is.

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  • 1 month later...

Well I got my lithium back and then again it's gone, my mother took my prescription and hid it, he said "no you sleep too much using that" so I've been over 2 weeks without my 1200mg of li....I feel like rubbish, haven't been able to see the pdoc yet /until october 11hopefully, my closest friends have noticed (and my coworkers as well) my change in attitude despite I'm trying my hardest to be miss nice girl (I'm a guide on a museum....go figure) I was also so excited about my prethesis for my masters degree and now I'm just blocked, the family doctor changed me from prozac to imipramine to see how that works, my clonazepam dose has been doubled and yet...nothing seems to go better, I just feel like crying, I try to draw or paint but my inspiration seems to be gone, still can't sleep pr over sleep and my carbamazepine is the same 6 a day.....I'm just tired of all of this.

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Tell your mother that stealing legally prescribed medications is illegal and interferes in your medical treatment. Call the cops if she doesn't give them back to you. Seriously. Until she learns there are consequenses for her unintelligent acts, she will only get worse and worse.

If you don't do something, then you are basically agreeing to stopping the medication.

Yes, lithium can give you tremors.

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Your daugter is more important than your mom. She's more important than anyone. Take your meds, be as balanced as you can, and fuck everyone else. Or put more diplomatically, don't talk to them about it. Join DBSA or NAMI or find a friend who actually does understand and talk to those folks instead.

Yes, I totally agree with Stacia. You are an adult and you have a child. You NEED to stay stable and medicated to be a good mother, and for your own life. From what you wrote it sounds dangerous, dangerous when you were off your meds. Lithium - a salt. So simple. So wonderful if it works for you.

Your family is ignorent about mental illness. Do go to a support group meeting with DBSA or NAMI, or look up MeetUp - they have bipolar groups all over the company. You could also get a lot of support here especially over in the blogs. Take care of yourself.

edit: I just saw your last post. Your MOTHER stole your Lithium???? Crazy bitch. That is very illegal and horrible. It is easy to tell you to call the police but it would be much harder to do it. Is there any chance you can move? You said your Aunt was more supportive. Could you live with her?

Edited by bpladybug
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