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What do you do when reality is worse than a nightmare? Is there anyway out except for suicide?

Through my own fault, I have dug myself into a hole so deep that it is impossible to get out of. I try to cut myself some slack because I know a lot of it is my illness. But that doesn't change the facts. And that doesn't change the self-blame. And that doesn't change the reality. But I'm paralyzed now and unable to move forward.

I am feeling so bad ... I need a new reality. I can't live this reality any longer. I can't go to sleep because I am afraid of waking up. Waking up to a nightmare.

I need help, but I have no one to turn to anymore. I just ... need a new reality. Why can't anything good happen in life? Why only bad things?

How do I live?

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jt, is there anyone you can call, who could listen to you vent and would be sympathetic?

I don't know if you are in treatment, but it sounds to me like you should be calling your tdoc and making an appointment. No hole is so deep that you can't get out of it, but maybe you need someone to give you a hand up and out of the hole.

I hope today is better than yesterday was.

olga

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I need help, but I have no one to turn to anymore. I just ... need a new reality. Why can't anything good happen in life? Why only bad things?

How do I live?

Agree with Olga about letting off some of the pressure, by venting to a sympathetic ear. I think tdocs can be really good for the situation you're in. Sometimes, even if you cannot immediately change the facts of your shitty life circumstance, a change in perspective can work wonders, that a tdoc can help you work out, can mean all the difference in facing your problems

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My tdoc and I have an adversarial relationship, and I don't really trust him. There is no one I can call.

I just can't handle this much longer. Please don't suggest going to the ER. I can't afford any more bills.

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This wouldn't change your circumstances, but Can you step away from your routine for a day or so? Go someplace pleasing, do a shared activity with other people, for example. Something, anything to take your mind off the oppressive circumstances? Can you leave behind you your problems for a day or two?

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My tdoc and I have an adversarial relationship, and I don't really trust him.

If you feel your relationship with tdoc is toxic then maybe there is no basis for a continued professional relationship. How many steps would it take for you to get in to see another tdoc? Or your pdoc? Cause I really think you should if there's any way to make it happen

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What do you do when reality is worse than a nightmare? Is there anyway out except for suicide?

Through my own fault, I have dug myself into a hole so deep that it is impossible to get out of.

I am feeling so bad ... I need a new reality. I can't live this reality any longer. I can't go to sleep because I am afraid of waking up. Waking up to a nightmare.

How do I live?

Something that helps me is to avoid looking at things from a long-term perspective, becauise that just ends up being dark and negative and upsetting and too big for me to handle. If you're dug into a hole, well that is pretty overwhelming. The bigness of the reality. Can you take your eyes off the hole "as a whole" and Could you Just focus on this minute, this hour of this day, and what you can accomplish today. Or just break the whole hole into its parts and start chewing on just one of the parts

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This wouldn't change your circumstances, but Can you step away from your routine for a day or so? Go someplace pleasing, do a shared activity with other people, for example. Something, anything to take your mind off the oppressive circumstances? Can you leave behind you your problems for a day or two?

This sounds like good advice. I will try to do it tomorrow.

The only problem is that it is just more avoiding which is what got me where I am today. I need to take action, but I can't.

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Something that helps me is to avoid looking at things from a long-term perspective, becauise that just ends up being dark and negative and upsetting and too big for me to handle. If you're dug into a hole, well that is pretty overwhelming. The bigness of the reality. Can you take your eyes off the hole "as a whole" and Could you Just focus on this minute, this hour of this day, and what you can accomplish today. Or just break the whole hole into its parts and start chewing on just one of the parts

y58, everything you write is great advice, and it is exactly how I've been coping - just live through every minute. The problem is I've spent too much time just thinking about the present minute that I lost sight of what I needed to do. That is how I got into this hole.

Sweetest1, saveyoursanity, thanks for the advice. Unfortunately, my tdoc and pdoc is a package deal. I can't find another tdoc, and to find another pdoc, I'd have to wait months. I don't have any friends that are so close that I can remove my mask and bare myself to them.

Another reason that I don't trust my tdoc is exactly because he is in the same practice with my pdoc and information sharing is going on. Once, I had a tdoc who was independent and I knew that the information never went anywhere without me signing waivers. That is not the case here. I'm very paranoid about that whole practice.

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But I'm paralyzed now and unable to move forward.

How come? If you feel like saying. Also, you can always spill your guts in chat....

ETA if you are having a crisis you can just go into chat and say you are having a crisis and need to talk. People will stop what they're doing and listen and try to help

ETA edit

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i like the ideal of getting away or stepping out of your routine for a couple of days, if you can do it. it might help you out. and also about talking to a trusted friend or relative, or anyone you know at all that may be able to help you out. i'm sorry you're feeling this way, and I hope you start to get to feeling better, even if only slightly.

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I also agree with getting away if it's a plan to gain some fresh perspective... it doesn't have to be avoidance. I'm sorry, I don't know what the exact circumstances are, but talking it out with someone would be rather essential i would think. it always shrinks my problems, even if I'm a bawling basket case for most of the "talk".

Anna

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Thanks, Anna.

I made it through another day, but I'm still far from ok. Tomorrow I'm going to try to change up my routine and get away from my problems for the weekend, or at least, give myself permission not to worry about them.

It's not just the situation that I'm in that's causing all my problems. It's the damned illness. It won't let me crawl out of an emotional hole. And it has greatly contributed to all my problems, emotional or otherwise. Sometimes I'm just so tired of fighting.

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I'm sorry you are going through this, JT. I don't understand your circumstances of the big hole you're in

Thanks a lot y58. It means a lot to me just to have your support.

But I'm getting worried. I'm thinking about suicide more seriously. I'm not at that point yet, but I'm getting there, and I'm probably closer than I have been in years. I just don't know what else to do. There is no hope.

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I'm sorry to hear that, jt, about the suicidal thoughts. I would strongly recommend looking for another therapist / pdoc at this point. I mean, what have you got to lose? You're already sliding down and don't feel comfortable talking to them about it, when literally this is what you HAVE them for, right?

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