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I feel like everyone is out to get me cuz everyone IS out to get me.


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I am under the ever so present watchful eye of child protection, my ex husband, his girlfriend, cops, my apartment manager, the courts, psychiatrists, psychologists, etc. and it makes me paranoid as hell. I took an MMPI online that said I'm paranoid schizophrenic because I can recognize that people are watching me. It's not paranoia, it's the truth! I feel like I just do the math and do the research and am not stupid enough to think that nobody is watching my every move because I've tried to live freely before and not pay attention to it and then someone throws in my face something they found out when they HAD been watching me and I wasn't aware. Even something as little as a facebook message to a friend. I'm so thru with trusting people and leaning on the side of NOT being paranoid. I think paranoia keeps me safe right now. :( Maybe I need to take my Seroquel.

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what did you do that all these people ARE monitoring you? that doesn't tend to happen out of the blue, really.

I'd say take the quel if it's prescribed, but maybe there is a way of reframing things such that you are aware of perhaps why this happened? (And, no offence, I have been in that place myself, with CPS and stuff, so I'm not saying this out of nowhere....)

Anna

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what did you do that all these people ARE monitoring you? that doesn't tend to happen out of the blue, really.

I'd say take the quel if it's prescribed, but maybe there is a way of reframing things such that you are aware of perhaps why this happened? (And, no offence, I have been in that place myself, with CPS and stuff, so I'm not saying this out of nowhere....)

Anna

My guess is the the OP didn't have to do much, if you're paranoid and have kids, and someone wants to make an issue of it.

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My paranoia was so intense that I was always convinced that it was the truth.

I don't know your exact situation, but you do appear to have a lot of enemies. That may therefore be a tad unrealistic, but as I said I don't know your exact situation. Though I would be prepared to say that pdoc and tdoc are not trying to hurt you. It is their job to help you.

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I had an accidental overdose in January where I had taken cold medicine and drank vodka on top of it (too much at once, apparently...I had weight loss surgery and drank a little more than I could handle) and ended up unconscious, in my bathroom floor. For the record, it is medically documented as an accident and I was in the hospital overnight. My daughters found me. (I am a single mom.) Since then CPS got involved and have made my life a living hell and court ordered me to do a list of a million and one things to accomplish. What seems like an unconquerable list. And crazy things have happened, such as my ex's (who has temporary physical cust of my kids right now) girlfriend making up fake profiles on social networking sites and befriending me over a period of a few months to get info out of me and then printing it off and sending it 'anonymously' to CPS. That wasn't paranoia, by the way, that was proven and rebuffed. Shit like THAT makes me paranoid. Also they call me with reports of things like "we were at your door on such and such day and you didn't answer when we saw your car parked in the parking lot and we know you were there...we pounded on the door" When I CLEARLY was either not home or was wide awake and totally alert enough to hear a doorbell or knock at the door. To the point where I have a reversible SIGN on my front door that says HOME in green letters and NOT HOME in red letters to flip flop when I come and go so they know for SURE. I mean COME ON!

I may be paranoid but I seriously think I am for a reason and they've made me be. I even took an MMPI online last night and the #1 thing it said was that I had persecutory ideas and was paranoid.

If there is a reason for it, is it really that crazy?

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Guest Vapourware

I think I know what test you are talking about...it's hosted from a Russian site, no?

If that's the site I'm thinking of - you only get the scores, but you don't get an interpretation of what they mean. Hence, you have to be fairly careful about how much you can read into your results, because unless you have training behind you, it's hard to get an accurate gauge of what those numbers actually mean. I did the MMPI for shits and giggles and scored reasonably high in "hostility". I couldn't read much into it though, because a) I don't know what "hostility" means in the context of the test and b) I have no training in interpreting the MMPI. Besides, I'm not a "hostile" person in the literal sense of the word [if I was, I would be long gone from this site, not an admin].

I think Anna has a good point about reframing what is happening to you. Yes, I can understand why you might feel paranoid. On the the other hand, sometimes things like child protection and the like can happen, and they're not intended to go directly after you, for any personal reason. It's just their job to ensure the welfare of a child, and it is part of a mandate. Sometimes, following their mandate means they have to do unpleasant things but they aren't focused on you just because they have a particular dislike of you.

If you really want to do a MMPI test, then I suggest getting it done professionally.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I brought it up to the psychologist and it's just part of the borderline stuff, I guess. She said it's normal to feel the way I feel and that in the context of what is going on, the paranoia is understandable. So that made me feel a little better.

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Look, leading lady, I too had my kid taken away due to my MI and stuff that happened, and at times I felt annoyed, but not persecuted, or paranoid, no. They were just doing their jobs, it was an annoying process, and like you, my ex tried to take advantage of it. Thanks to the (still flawed but not completely incompetent) system, I have my kid, and things are fine. In fact, in some ways better. Granted, yes, it was an annoying and difficult process, but I actually had a perfectly nice CPS worker who was just doing her job, and a judge who congratulated us when it was finished and said she wished more of her clients were like I was.

So no, I don't think the paranoia was/is justified. You drank too much on surgery and YOU made that choice, and what followed afterwards was your doing "accidental" or not.

I got my kids taken away thanks to a prescribing error, my doc gave me horse doses of abilify when I TOLD him it was a bad idea, and I got totally psychotic. Yeah, I made the choice to listen, instead of telling him to F off, so it was unfortunate, but just One of those Things.

Your current attitude is not going to make it THAT MUCH MORE LIKELY that you will get your kids back anytime soon. Take it from one who knows. Not to sound harsh.

Anna

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