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Similarities in my hypomanic episodes


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Hi,

Last year I had a pretty terrible hypomanic/mixed episode and I was quite delusional. I was convinced that I could become a big star in Hollywood, and I was making plans to first move to Vancouver, Canada so I could start there. I live in the Netherlands. I thought I could become famous in 3 years. I started looking for a cheaper home so I could save money to emigrate to Canada. I also took up acting lessons. I feel very embarrased about this and I've only told this to my pdoc(s) so far.

This was actually the first time I realized that this isn't normal. I've had periods in my life where I thought I could become a great artist/musician/actor. And I remember vaguely that those periods coincided with periods of depression, so I'm guessing those were hypomanic episodes. Is it unusual that the delusional part of my hypomania is about the same everytime?

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No, I don't think that's necessarily unusual. Often the content of my worst fears or deepest dreams comes up when I am hypo. I have many unfinished books for example. Heh. One of them I would really like to finish but i'm not sure when it will happen. if ever.

Anna

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I was going to join a local band so first I bought a bass guitar I didnt like the fact that the bass player was in the background so I purchased elec guitar couldnt figure that thing out and luckily sold it so then I bought a acoustic elec guitar couldnt carry a tune in a bucket so I played sax in school so I bought a cheap tenor sax I pissed around with that for a while and a kinda guilt settles in and I guess reality well a few month's later I ordered canvas off of ebay used my carpentry skills to stretch over a frame and started painting water color first and then oil I like this pretty well and as soon as hypomania kicks back in I plan on painting more but for right now theres nothing there no mania to help me get an idea for a new painting and this was just to of my hypomania delusions and frankly I dont have a clue what is next but I am sure that it is going to be a kick in the ass when reality sets in

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It's funny. I never thought about being convinced that I could become a big success as delusional. But after reading this thread, I'm thinking about it more. When I'm hypo, I have a tendency to register domain names, because I have great plans for what I'm going to do with them. Whether it's learning how to do keyword manipulation to earn a buttload of money or blog a parody of the entire bible (yes...that was earlier this year...*hangs head*), I'm always convinced I can make it happen. Until I suddenly realize that I can't, and then the depression sets in. Not only do I get depressed that I can't achieve what I thought I could achieve, I get depressed about being in a state where I thought that I *could* conquer the world.

So.....I'm curious. After reading the above, would folks here characterize that as delusional? Or just grandiose thinking? I'm not sure how to view it.

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