Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Recommended Posts

Yeah I know that this is a therapy thing, but I am on a waiting list.

I cannot get past the idea that the only reason that I ended up with psychosis is that I am stupid. It is really annoying me. Perhaps this is just how my stupidity manifested itself, and there is nothing actually wrong with me? This feeling has been around for a long time. Perhaps if I was intelligent (and I used to be intelligent, I'm just not any more) then I would have never experienced delusions, or I would have recognised them when they were happening and not years later? I'm just so frustrated with myself.

I know that I wanted a diagnosis originally (to understand what my meds were for amongst other things). But since my dx I have only been able to see that my alleged psychosis is actually just me being gullible (for believing things that are not true) and stupid (ditto, and also for not seeing where or even that I was going wrong).

WTF!? :dunce: :dunce:

If anyone can make any sense of where I am coming from, any responses would be much appreciated.

Thanks in advance.

-enlightened_plutonian

Link to comment
Share on other sites

According to your rule of thinking, the more affected by delusions a person is, the more unintelligent they must be. This is false. Nobel prize winner John Nash comes to mind. He is more intelligent than me, and maybe more intelligent than you, I am just guessing. So lack of Intelligence cannot be what makes the difference between believing and not believing delusions. And lack of insight does not mean lack of intelligence. Insight is a separate construct.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I sometimes feel foolish for believing some of the things I did, but they seemed so real at the time. You aren't unintelligent, just someone who's mind has an imbalance and plays tricks on us. It might take some time for you to believe it, but you aren't stupid for having delusions.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't think it means you're stupid at all, honey. The chemistry in your brain misfires. There ain't a damn thing you can do for that with will-power. Fixing that takes meds. All kinds of ideas that turn out not to be true come to people with misfiring chemistry. I for one would like to challenge the idea that you aren't smart. I read your posts regularly, and you seem plenty smart to me. I know from personal experience how embarrassing it can be to examine some of the things you were thinking when you were seriously ill from the perspective you get when you're better, but think of it this way: it may be frustrating and even humiliating not to be able to operate at full capacity when you have a dire case of the stomach flu, but you're sick, truly sick, so it's just something that's beyond your control. Mental illness is like that: it's sickness. It's as real and irresistible as flu. You don't get it on purpose, and you can't help what it does to you. That's kind of the point, actually. I don't want to see you fall into the classic trap that people like us have been getting shoved into for generations. You're not weak. You're not stupid. You don't "just need to try harder" or "just need to stop being lazy" or "just quit being so dramatic." You need proper medical attention and you need people to talk to who understand how you feel and won't judge you. That would be us, here at CB. I hope you have people in your flesh-and-blood world you can talk to, too.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No, no, no, no, no!

You have given me some of the best advice I've ever received about my MI. You are definitely intelligent. When I read your posts, I see good spelling, good grammar, and a great grasp of prose. Your sig says that you write. Someone mentioned John Nash earlier, which is a great example. Here's another, slightly selfish one: I'm going to potentially be diagnosed with depression with psychosis, based on the episodes I've been having recently. My IQ is 158. I still have times where I believe that people are spying on me, where I believe that the air is suffocating me, etc.

I don't think that psychosis means you're gullible or stupid. Gullible people believe things that aren't true, sure, but that's not the same as MI. If someone is being gullbile, they're just being a bit silly. Sure, it can be humiliating, but it's just silly. You're not gullible. You have a mental illness. That means that your brain is faulty, and is making you believe something that isn't true. That's not gullible, and it's definitely not your fault.

The medication you're on will help you. You're not stupid. Your Pdoc would not have diagnosed you with psychosis if you were stupid; he/she would have sent you away and told you to get an education.

Here's another example: if you break your arm, you're not stupid because you can't lift something with that broken arm!

My advice would be to try and distract yourself from these thoughts until you can address them with a therapist. Hell, come onto the chat here, and I'm sure someone will be there who can take your mind off of things for a bit!

All the best and good luck,

N

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I hate to admit, but when someone tried to explain what psychosis was to me, they explained it in such a way that my first though was exactly as you describe, i though it meant you were gullible and stupid and my though was "how is that even possible to have a disorder for that?" This now makes me feel terrible as it shows my utter lack of understanding on my part, I am still learning but as others say here i don't think it means your stupid, maybe more creative, intelligent to be able to understand something on a deeper level, special! Well thats how i feel about my experiences and I'm not ready to even suggest that they are psychosis yet.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Vapourware

I agree with the others - I personally don't think you're stupid, and I also don't think there's any correlation between intelligence and psychosis. It happens to the best of us, even astounding intellects like John Nash.

In a way, when you were psychotic, the psychotic state - delusions and all - were your reality. Trying to move a delusional person from a delusional belief when they are firmly in a delusional state is like trying to persuade someone that the colour of the sky is, in fact, green and not blue. It is very, very difficult because what you believe in when you are in a delusional state is how YOU perceive the world at the time. That's why the nature of a delusion is described as a "fixed belief" - you believe wholeheartedly in it because at the time of the delusion, you believe that what you were perceiving is the truth.

I personally found that when I was moving out of a psychotic state, I required a bit of a cognitive reset, in the sense that I had to readjust my version of reality. It was like slipping from one belief system into another, and in the process, realising the flaws in my former belief system [i.e. the system I operated under when I was delusional].

Link to comment
Share on other sites

EP, I agree with everyone that you sound smart plenty to me.

That said, I get it and I've totally been there. Unfortunately, when psychotic or delusional, i make the DUMBEST DECISIONS. Like, seriously, and embarassing ones as well. Sigh. That said, with some tiime, treatment and therapy, I was able to appreciate that I don't have to make those dumb decisions (behaviors) any more. I've actually gotten to the point when even when I'm slightly delusional I can recognize it and say "that may be a delusional/dumb/thought/idea/possible action, and a good support system to rely on, as this is also key. They can talk me down from the edge, heh. As unfortunately despite my pretty major tx compliance in almost all insteances, I have have had further delusional thoughts and moments, and have had to be rehospitalized for my own safety and that of others.

I have managed to get to the understanding that no, though, it is a brain disease, and I am in a place where (at least typical reason and logic) do not apply. This has no bearing on my IQ or self-worth, I just have a malfunctioning brain that leads me to bad decisions and thoughts from time to time. The intelligent thing to do in this instance (which I do) is to stay very close to providers, my support network, and my therapist who help me through some of the rout igh stuff.

but it doesn't make me dumb. Hey, in some ways, it makes me interesting! I hate my delusions and psychosis, I really do, but I also choose to look at them as very interesting experiences that most people don't get to have. Sure they are a PITA, granted, but to me, they were more intense than any drug trip I have EVER experienced, etc. It gives me a kind of.... interesting view on life.

I prefer to function, obviously, and that's why I take meds, do therapy, all that good stuff. i think you will find that with further treatment and good therapy you will be able to let go of this idea. I hope so.

Anna

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you all for replying. And thank you for seeing intelligence in me where I don't. :)

I really do want to move past this feeling, and that was my reason for posting. Because I do not believe that everyone who experiences psychosis is stupid. I do realise that I need to stop judging myself so much.

I am creative. And I am slightly obsessive about my words, that I want them to look right and not be all over the place. I edit my words to stop that from happening. I want to believe that I am intelligent, like how I was before I became ill.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...