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I feel like a human radio


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I have this weird thing... I don't really know how to describe it. I've heard the phrase "thought broadcasting" tossed around here on CB before. Basically, it happens whenever I'm having the intrsive thoughts that come with my OCD. At risk of TMI, the kind of thoughts we're talking about are about rape, abuse, murder... especially people being "punished", or me killing them. I have a messed up mind.

Anyway, the issue is that whenever I have these thoughts and I'm around someone else, I think they can hear me. As if my head is a radio and I'm broadcasting my thoughts. I always become scared and aditated, and have to suppress the thoughts, making me feel really bad, because I'm scared that the people around me can read my mind. I'm also worried that the drugs I'm on are going to make it easier for people to read my mind... That way the doctor will know what's going on in my head.

Also, I think this is why they won't treat me. Because they know exactly how crazy I am because they can hear my sick, horrible thoughts.

My boyfriend says that this isn't real, and that I'm imagining it. But I'm an intelligent person - I'd know if I was imagining something like that, right? No one believes me, now I don't know what to believe - what my head is telling me (that people can hear my thoughts) or what other people tell me.

Help!

PS: Upon reading back, this isn't very coherent. I'll post again when I can think straight, and without anyone listening in.

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if it isn't very coherent then i've got whatever you've got, cause i understood you just fine. all i can tell you is what i wish i had heard when i was in your shoes, you are wrong, no one can hear your thoughts. get help, be honest about what your feeling with your doctors. when i finally told my doctor how i felt it became very obvious to me that i was wrong.

honestly i think people were picking up on my paranoia and i was feeding off of their reactions.

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No one can hear your thoughts.

You have an illness, and I think that meds can knock this right out. You have to tell your doctor. Or give him your post.

I have had paranoid delusions and hallucinations, and it feels SO good when it STOPS. The right meds make them STOP.

Take care of your self and call your doc for help.

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You need to talk to your doc about this. It could be psychosis. Though I will say this -

I honestly, truly, have the same fears. I have some twisted OCD thoughts going on at times (murder mostly), and I frequently wonder if people can read my mind. Rationally, I know this is bullshit. And I don't worry about it with people I can trust, like my husband. Just strangers, or people I feel uncomfortable with. It stems from knowing someone in high school (an adult) who did tarot readings, palm readings, and claimed to have premonitions. She did honestly know some weird shit about me that I hadn't told anyone. Since then, my OCD brain has been vigilant about the possibility that someone can hear me, and I try to suppress the thoughts, which doesn't work all that well. Really, the person I met was one in a million. Yet for OCD, one in a million is too much, and you never know if you'll meet that one in a million again.

I think insight can be a good indicator here. If you have the sense it isn't true, or it's very unlikely, OCD may be the culprit. If you're thoroughly convinced that the phenomenon is happening, then it may be psychosis. Sometimes it's a fine line between the two in terms of symptoms.

Really though, you should talk to your doc. You don't have to suffer.

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As others said, you are experiencing a delusion, a type of psychosis. It feels very real, doesn't it? The truth is, no one knows what you're thinking unless you tell them (with your mouth or in writing).

People many times smarter than you or I have experienced delusions too. It's not a question of intelligence.

You need to see a pdoc about this asap, and I say this knowing all the troubles you've had with the NHS. Actually maybe if your gdoc knew you were experiencing delusions, it might help move things along so you can get that referral. One concern I have for you is that, according to what you wrote, your meds are on the edge of becoming part of your delusion and are taking on a negative quality. Do not stop your meds.

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Thank you everyone for the advice. I haven't told my doctor yet, just because when I wrote him a list of my symptoms I didn't actually think this was one. I'll make sure to bring it up to him next time I see him.

@Rowen: You make a very good point with what you said. I think that for me it is probably more on the side of OCD. Right now, sitting alone in my room, I know that it's not true. It's only when I'm in public and my intrusive thoughts flare up that I start to believe it. The rest of the time, to me, it doesn't matter, so I'm not thinking about it. I guess what I'm trying to say is that the belief comes and goes, but when it's there I fully believe it (it is reality to me). I don't really know what this means for me, but I'll definitely bring it up with my doctor.

Plus: to everyone who thinks I'm crazy now, I wrote my first post when I was feeling really weird anyway, as well as believing that, so I'm sorry that I cam across so weird. Right now, in the light of day, I'm thinking more rationally, I guess.

Thanks everyone for the advice!

N

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Thought broadcasting is a delusion.

But I do get where you are coming from. I've had this problem on and off for a long time. Though for me it is any thought when I am in that place that the people around me can hear. It is one of my most annoying symptoms, and I am so glad that I can better reality check myself now. I still get this from time to time, but nowhere near as bad as I was before going on meds. But it does make me not want to be around other people and brings on a lot of anxiety.

Overall the only things that have helped me is my meds and being better able to reality check myself. If your signature is correct, you are still on a very low dose of your AP. So it might be worth asking your doctor for an increase. And you really need to be seeing a pdoc, and tell them what you are experiencing.

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