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The black dog has descended on me again. Gnashing his teeth and ripping into my flesh. I am sick again, I am ill. My mind is crazy again and I am scared to put a letter which accidently came to me, but is my neighbor's, in their mailbox, because that's how scared of people I am. Oh yeah, and the voice in the back of my head telling me to end it, just get over it already, you always knew you would die of suicide. I just have to post this. So that others bear witness to my pain and I don't have to feel so alone in it. Thank you.

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If you look at my sig, you will see I have a very similar diagnosis. I do know what it feels like, and it's hell.

But, y'know what I realize every time I get close? I really don't want to die. I am afraid to die.... what I want is for the pain to stop. Make sure you have a very very very good psychiatrist. As you can see, it takes 6 psych meds for me to finally feel ok. You might need something like that too.

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I'm sorry that you feel so bad, I understand your pain, I have been there..

Be strong, we need to ask for help when we need help, I never thought I would be better like today but I'm really better with medication and helps from people around me, I believe you can do it too.

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I would love to join your suicide thoughts as I have been wanting to die for so long now. I just don't have the courage to actually do it... goodness knows what I will do.

Sometimes I think... oh what's the freaking point???!!! I feel like crap too. So I'm replying here. Sorry can't be much help.

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I'm so sorry :( If it helps any, I have been feeling awful since the late spring, too. Hypomania then depression then some more depression... Now I am anxious, irritable, angry, I can't sleep, I slide between feeling worthless and vaguely okay. Worst part is that there is no reason for me to feel like this. Life is going just fine otherwise.

You aren't alone. Keep going.

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If you look at my sig, you will see I have a very similar diagnosis. I do know what it feels like, and it's hell.

But, y'know what I realize every time I get close? I really don't want to die. I am afraid to die.... what I want is for the pain to stop. Make sure you have a very very very good psychiatrist. As you can see, it takes 6 psych meds for me to finally feel ok. You might need something like that too.

i feel the EXCAT same way every time. It's creepy. And, I'm sorry you feel this way, malichite. i know how much it sucks, i'm right there with you right now, you are not alone.

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Mal - When my mind is feeling crazy I try to do something drastic. Like either something self soothing like a warm shower/bath, or something to reboot my brain like a freezing shower or drinking a slurpee really fast.

Also know that your life has value and meaning and just because us MI people can't all do everything that everybody else can do doesn't make us any less worth it.

Awesome page!!!!!!! This is like the 60th example of why we need a like button (but not one linked to FB)

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