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People who don't supervise their own children suck


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I like children, I have children, I've watched them when they were small and needed more supervision. Maybe it's just me, but I don't want to watch other people's children for them when they are around.

I went to a party recently and the house isn't really childproof. Small children were wandering around and I was having to move them away from the fireplace or take electronic devices people left out, from them. I wanted to relax and instead I was on edge worrying about them. Their parents were at the house, just outside. My husband is much more relaxed and would distract them when he was around. I have less patience. My children were playing outside, but they are older and don't need to be watched as closely. Later a group went to the park which was great because the kids got to play and I didn't have to worry.

Another time I had a friend over and I told her my home isn't childproof. She was in the room, but her daughter moved fast and threw some items that I liked and broke them. I don't know if that's my fault because i had breakable items within reach. I didn't know she would behave like that. The next time she was over I had one room with toys that was safer and we all stayed in there.

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That is ratheer annoying when parents don't watch their kids. I do try and yank the parent back into the situation.

"Mary, little Suzie is playing in the fireplace"

I try to make the parent aware and get them involved.

Same thing with dogs.

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I hate feeling as though I've been left "in charge" of someone's child without them even telling me. The least you could do is ask if I'd watch them while you go have a beer outside. Don't just ASSUME I'm going to watch your child. But if you DO assume, then you are right, because I will. I'm not going to let your baby jump on the dog or stick a fork in an uncovered outlet.

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I have four kids and would never expect anyone else to watch them-- not even when they asked to. (Rampant paranoia.)

I've known so many parents that are really nice people overall, but just suck as parents. They don't listen to their kids, they don't keep track of them, some don't do things as fundamental as diaper changes if other people are around. One woman would come to my house with her three kids, while I was pregnant + had my own three kids and she would fucking lounge around while her kids, nightmare evil kids, would trash my house and bite my kids. She really expected me to watch them. Her toddler always had a poopy diaper when they showed up and she wouldn't do anything about it. After time gagging over the smell (I was prego, remember), mentioning that he needed a diaper change, etc., I would end up changing it because I felt so bad for the poor kid. I stopped all contact with that family eventually. Good riddance.

Another woman, who I love dearly, just let's her kids run around without watching them, so I end up doing it. I finally got sick of that, and of course that was the day her toddler fell down the stairs. And *I* felt guilty. Sigh. This same woman lets her kids drop food all over my floors and doesn't pick it up. ?!?!?!!!

/rant

Anyway, yah, what the hell are these people thinking? It's like they resent how much attention kids take, so get back at them by not taking care of them properly. Like "See? I told you not to run into the road! Now you're dead!"

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Not everyone parents the same way.

My house was never "childproofed." Never. My son also never got into half the trouble other kids did with getting into things and the like. It's partly his personality, partly that he learned by experience, not by me making my house into a bubble.

I think some of you guys need to just let go and let people parent how they do, and if someone else's kid gets in trouble, let them deal with it. It's not worth the worry on your part, and frankly it's not your business unless it's your house. If it is your house, speak to the parents or the children about the rules in your house. But otherwise, safe yourself the worry. Go do something else if the children of others are tweaking you out so much. Because, frankly, I don't want to hear someone tell me that my kid is doing X when I know exactly how my child handles himself in every situation.

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Not everyone parents the same way.

My house was never "childproofed." Never. My son also never got into half the trouble other kids did with getting into things and the like. It's partly his personality, partly that he learned by experience, not by me making my house into a bubble.

I think some of you guys need to just let go and let people parent how they do, and if someone else's kid gets in trouble, let them deal with it. It's not worth the worry on your part, and frankly it's not your business unless it's your house. If it is your house, speak to the parents or the children about the rules in your house. But otherwise, safe yourself the worry. Go do something else if the children of others are tweaking you out so much. Because, frankly, I don't want to hear someone tell me that my kid is doing X when I know exactly how my child handles himself in every situation.

My frustration is partly to do with children being neglected (not having diapers changed, a 2 yo falling down a flight of stairs, etc.), partly because the kids I was most frustrated with were being monstrous (hitting, biting, deliberately breaking things, PEEING ON ME - a 5 yo did, on purpose), and partly being left to care for other peoples kids when I had my own plate full (the toddler with the chronically poopy diaper- would you leave a kid like that if the parent wouldn't deal with it?).

At least in my post, I don't see how you could infer that I made my house into a bubble-- it never has been. My kids learn through experience, too. If a kid is at someone's house, mine or someone else's, and that kid is doing something dangerous without a parent nearby, you suggest I leave? Just leave the kid to his fate? It's not about "tweaking," it's about getting really tired of parents that clearly just don't care what happens to their kid. I am not talking about parents that have different boundaries, but parents that have no boundaries or consideration for the people around them. Parents that won't care if you talk about the rules of the house, for instance.

And frankly, if you are that kind of parent, then you suck. You probably aren't. But you know, this is in the "People Suck" sub-forum, and it is clearly entitled "People who don't supervise their own children suck"-- it's pretty obviously a place to rant about just that. Why come here and tell us not to rant? Unless you don't supervise your child, then you are not being attacked. Different styles of supervision is not the same as no supervision, which is what is being discussed. Go be all Zen and content in how great you are as a parent and person and leave us to be crabby and bitch about something that bothers us.

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You didn't go into specifics.

From your details, I'd say instead of staying there to get pissed on, bitten, and in the way of these monsters, LEAVE. Seriously. This is not something for you to have to deal with in any way, shape, or form. Since things were that bad, I might bring it up with the host of the party, but I really think removing yourself from the situation would have been a lot better than getting so justifiably upset over it.

I'm not that great of a parent-- I do what I can. I'm not saying my way is THE way, and I know my way wouldn't work with another child other than my son.

I tend to be a little too terse in my replies most of the time, and I guess I should maybe try to say what I meant a little more nicely.

1. I hate to see parents sniping at each other. Yes, I know a lot of times it's completely justified, but just as many times it's not. I'm as bad as anyone at this, but it's made me defensive and bitchy and mean and I avoid dealing with other parents like the plague sometimes because when my kid acts out or whatever I always feel like it's because I'M A BAD MOM. I hate that shit.

2. We can't change other people, and when they suck, sometimes it really is better to just fucking cut and run. Get out of the situation. Because most likely sucky people aren't going to change, no matter what it is. So in that situation, rather than stay there and feel like you have to provide childcare and get pissed on by a 5 year old, it probably would have helped your psyche and ability to tolerate humanity in general by just getting out. If there is a child in danger, get the kid out of immediate danger and then tell the host of the party, who can then decide to either tell the parent(s) or put up a baby gate or make some sort of fix. But after that, you've done your duty.

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muriel

I'm the OP. I think you are getting me and dedoubt mixed up.

I didn't mean that they are bad parents-their children seem healthy and happy. I just don't want to be put in the position where I feel like I have to supervise because I'm the only adult in the room.

I didn't say anything to the parents, just tried to keep the children and property safe.

Maybe it does tweak me out more than other people, my husband is calm and just re-directed them. But, I didn't feel like I should leave toddlers in the room alone.

My children weren't raised in a bubble, but we tried to keep it safe. They naturally didn't get into too much.

It was more of a rant than anything else. I definitely don't think i'm a better parent than anyone.

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Heh, I work retail and find that I, of all people, have to mind some people's kids when they're in the store. I know full well that kids can get cut on sign holders and pegs but some (rare) parents seem to feel it is okay for their kids to fly around screaming and knocking things off pegs. I have on occasion asked people to mind their kids for that reason.

One time (smile) I was helping a young dad to buy hiking boots and his baby in its pram started to absolutely bawl and he didn't seem to notice (but EVERYBODY else did). After a few minutes I casually started rocking the pram back and forth a bit and sure enough the little nipper shut up and dozed off. It's one of my fonder memories of Footwear actually.

But yes, some parents seem to feel that their kids can have free rein in a store and that they don't have to look after them. But just wait until their little one wanders off and they can't find him/her. They sure as hell coming running to staff then. (And yes, we do have procedures - rather assertive ones actually).

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There are some really bad parents out there. REALLY BAD. I think this was more a rant about them.

Heh, one time my kid and another kid were hanging out downstairs and decided to have a pissing contest. On the wall. That involved um, cleaning up, apologizing to the hostess, going to my kid "WTF are you doing?" and washing out underwear and stuff, man. Etc. I don't think it meant I was a bad parent, both the kids down there were old enough to be down there without an adult, just sometimes kids do dumb stuff. Fortunately, the hostess was nice about it, haha. That was my stupid kid being an IDIOT. Which he totally does. Fortunately, it was all dealt with humourously.

But if my kid were say, 2, and I just left him to wander around in a non childproofed house without my supervision, that is bad parenting, and would justifiably annoy/concern other parents/adults I would think. Which seemed to be more what the OP was ranting about. If I have a 2 yr old in an un childproofed house, it is my responsibility to run around after him and make sure he does no damage, as it's unreasonable to expect non kid people to childproof their houses for me. If they are gracious enough to invite my kid, his behavior at that age would be ON ME 100% if I choose to attend.

I never fully childproofed my house either but I did childproof areas, and allowed kid out so he could learn the word "NO".

Anna

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