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3 fights on a friday night

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I'm not sure how this works but I want to say I'm glad I found this site and see that others are brave enough to talk about the things that I don't talk about because I just dont think "the normal people" will ever understand it anyway. After a very bad weekend celebrating my BFF's B-DAY I realized I was going in a bad MANIC spiral and I needed help quick! I got off all my meds 8 months ago. I felt and so did my family that I was just being pushed pill after pill and I left that doctors office after 2 years crazier and what I consider FAT, or just fluffier to others, than I did when I first went for help. My family tried to put me in one of those clinical studies for bi-polar where they take you off your meds and observe you and then put you on NEW MEDS that are still be studied (ugh..dont want to be a guinea pig). I said HELL NO. I'm not staying in a hospital (that freaks me out- Iwould be trapped and couldnt leave for 2 to 4 weeks) and I own or run my families business which I am a control freak about. I CHOSE to SLOWLY take my self off of 5 or 6+ meds and basically gave myself a mild stroke. (Which is why they wanted me to do that in a hospital...duh...i know now)...So after I got throught that I had about 6 wonderful months of feeling the true raw fun crazy but still kinda balanced me....WELL, didn't last long....my high or manic phase was coming so frequent that I was starting to act and talk like a crazy person, even in front of my customers. My anger would be so out of control that it would scare my friends and family. The night of the birthday bar hopping proved to be too much, I shouldnt have been drinking when I'm high and racing and aggitated. I do try hard to be "ladylike" and putting my hands on (and not in a fun way) ;) disrespectful asshole strange men who made my friend cry on her BDAY proved to me that I cant handle this without meds....I had already noticed risky behavior, spending sprees, being late on all my bills. I stayed total confused and lost and mad and crying and it changed every hour. My family forced me to take off work and rest and go to the doctor! I DO NOT want something bad to happen to me that I could have prevented...soooo....I am starting back on meds tomorrow and I am just so happy to be able to share my thoughts without being judged. There are many topics, and some are uncomfortable for me, but I hope in time I will realize that it;s ok to be brutally honest about our "problems" and hopefully someone else can tell me "HEY, I know it's weird or creepy feeling or embarassing but your not the only that deals with that" I know at some point I will feel comfortable getting some answers or feedback on these strange subjects I ponder at night....in the meantime I'll keep digging through the website and I just may find that topic I am looking for. If anyone just needs to vent or needs a friend.....feel free to talk to me...I am new at blogging and chatting but I think it's a good thing....Sorry if I rambled...Havent been to sleep and still have no meds so IT IS WHAT IS............ :lol::wall:

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Welcome to Crazyboards. It sounds like you belong here. heh

You're right---no one will judge you for MI behavior around here. However, I am glad to hear that you are going back on your meds, because we all have to learn that lesson about needing something more than good intentions and willpower. I hope the doctors can find a combination of medications that will help you to be stable.

When you write again, you will get a better response from our members if you put some breaks in your paragraph. Many of us have trouble reading a big block of print, so we give up and miss a lot of information.

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Sounds like you are heading in the right direction by getting back on your meds. There's no shame in admitting we can't do it alone. MI is such a struggle, but there are things that can help. I hope you get to feeling back to yourself soon.

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