Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Flavors of Depression


Recommended Posts

A couple of days ago, I began sleeping too much again.. though I was feeling fine.

This weekend, I went on a beach trip with my family.

And.. I FELT NOTHING.

No pain. No joy. No happiness. No sorrow.

I could not feel.

I was numb to the core.

Even the songs that ordinarily made me cry had no effect on me.

I txted my pdoc and he said I was depressed.

Huh?

I guess I was used to mixed states- lots of anger, energy and aggression.

But this? Life as a vegetable with no motivation, energy and emotion? This was new. I felt so...lifeless. I looked out the window in the car and could not muster an emotion.

No melancholy. No rumination. NOTHING.

And when I got home: I came crashing down. Now I'm terribly sad. I feel hopeless. I feel meaningless. In short: this is the depression we all know it to be.

Now here's my question: is this common? Different flavors of depression? Or was what I experienced a prelude somehow? OR was the excitement of the beach trip somehow leveling off my low mood state (if we were to graph it)?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, I've had the lack of emotion thing, but it doesn't happen every time. Sometimes I'm just sad and cry a lot, thinking everything is pointless anyway. But the lack of emotion really sucks, especially when you can't even fake it for the kids.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What you describe is how I live my life every day. Well, most days I'm numb, I sleep too much, and I have absolutely no motivation. Other days, I am overcome with sorrow and blackness and hopelessness. Even on my good days, I am unable to feel joy - just sparks of hope. So yeah, it is one flavor of depression.

I'm sorry that you are feeling depressed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Your symptoms are the same ones that truly let me know I'm depressed. During my last episode I went to the Grand Canyon, which in a normal mood, is incredibly moving to me. But during the depressive episode, I felt nothing at all. By the time I've gotten to that point I'm usually pretty far into an episode - it starts with not getting out of bed, etc., but the lack of feeling is the icing on the cake.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I usually get this "feeling of nothingness" a lot. Whether it is from not feeling all the wonderful feelings of a manic episode (i.e. being medicated) or being severely depressed I do not know. But what it is, is much less important then how severe it is and what your thoughts are.

I think I hate the nothingness feeling worse than the depression. For me it's much better knowing that I want to die (even though i shouldn't), than not knowing. It tends to cause a lot more agitation and I do some really stupid things to try and stop the numbness.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I feel generally pretty emotional-less - it takes me a lot these days to get sad, happy, mad, etc. One thing that never stops is the anxiety.

But extreme lack of feelings - that often precipitates my depressions. I feel nothing, like I'm dead inside. I look at my beautiful family and smile and talk to them, while I feel no emotional attachment whatsoever. And that disturbs me a great deal. I feel as though I'm a horrible human being.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

First I'm sorry your feeling this way.

I know what you mean for the past two months I've felt this low grade depression with the occasional manic or mixed episode. But I feel numb and lifeless. Nothing moves me. I'm just sort of there.

You are not alone! Best of luck to you. I hope things begin to look up for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm really sorry you've been feeling this way, hope it works out for you. You have a very understanding doctor. When I told my doctor I was having trouble crying, feeling anything she just brushed it off as a side effect of the medication so I have to live with it :(

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Feeling that way is often one of the first ways I recognize that I'm swinging into a depression. I'll just have a sudden realization that "wow....I don't feel anything right now."

When I'm deep in a depression I feel this way a lot too, but I kind of expect it when I'm really down in it. Even then, I swing a lot between extremely dark moods and the numbness.

BTW, I think the opposite of this would be an inappropriate display of emotion, "over" emotion, which sometimes happens to me when I'm coming out of a depression. Like I'll be laughing really hard and suddenly it will turn into weeping. It's weird. I just mention it because both the numbness and the "over" emotion seem to happen when I'm transitional.

I hope this feeling passes for you soon!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, I had been euphoric for a couple of weeks ran out of lithium and bleh story we can skip, now I just can't focus, can't even cry, I feel numb, I even tried having sex and...nothing I'm so tired of this, at least I could paint and let go of it, but now I can't.....I feel like I'm in a bubble that will explode soon, my super familiar doctor decided to give me more clonazepam and more prozac because the fucking psdoc hasn't seen me and even though my other doctor send them a letter about the treatment they just ignored it. I've been having lots of stupid thought involving traffic but then I come to my senses but I just hate this...I can't pretend I'm happy and my daughter notices it...again I'm sleeping more than I should or nothing at all.....just wanted to vent it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Similar Content

    • By Blahblah
      Has anyone (without a clinical thyroid disorder) tried Cytomel and had benefit with depression & fatigue? It seems most docs are resistant to trying it due to the possible heart/ bone density side effects.
      Even when it comes to thyroid disorders, There are some circles that disagree with the TSH lab ranges (what is "acceptable") and that TSH may not be good indicator of thyroid function for everyone anyway...
      I know T3 is rarely prescribed (even for ppl with thyroid issues). But I also read that in a few studies, folks with treatment-resistant depression (with no thyroid issues) can also benefit from using T3 as an add-on or "booster".
       
       
    • By Blahblah
      I banged my head (outer eyebrow near temple) a week ago, on a cabinet door. I'm wondering if anyone here has got a concussion from this sort of thing? How do you know for sure?
      I iced it for an hour immediately, so very minimal bruising, but had a large lump (which is going down). Its very tender. My temple and eyebrow still feel "achey" (it's not really a headache). I also feel extra lethargic with brain fog, abrupt worsening of mood. I go to doc tomorrow, but I read that MRI scans cannot show mild concussions (only bone fractures or brain bleeding) and I also wonder if it's just my depression getting worse (versus a head injury from a bump)...?
      I HATE going to the Dr for this sort of thing... because I don't want to be labeled as "malingering" or a hypochondriac mental case. Doctors always see a diagnosis of depression on my file (and meds I'm on) and of course (being a woman also), it makes them more apt to always write things off as psychological or stress-related. 😞
    • By Inanlae
      So for seventeen years I've had pain depression.  It especially feels like it's squeezing my heart.  It hasn't historically been *about* anything.  I've just chalked it up to biochemistry, heredity.  And I've thought about suicide, most days, for at least fifteen years - because pain sucks.  Ups-and-downs.  Roller-coasters.  Probably every person on here has done time at the worst torture theme park in the world.

      Two years ago, my cocktail started working.  There was some CBT and DBT in the mix too.  I decreased my daily Ativan from 3mg to 2mg.  Plus 20mg Latuda, 300mg Sertraline, 100mg Topamax.  I actually felt happy, for about two years, until this October.  Then it stopped working.  And I stopped working.  I work in a level I trauma center, where I identify cancer, anemia, and the effects of the coronavirus on the human body.  I feel like I have a front row seat to human suffering, without being empowered to ameliorate it, and it's another kind of torture.

      I am very tired of fighting.  If there was a euthanasia travel agency, where I could just walk in, plan my funeral and end-of-life arrangements, plan my ideal death, and just call this thing at 38, that would be a somewhat attractive option (not telling, The Tallest Man on Earth, flaming-Viking-burial-at-sea.)  I'm tired of fighting this disease, personally.  And I'm tired of coming up against the tsunami of "world suck" (H/T Vlog Brothers) which seems to be hate-fucking itself ad astra.

      So the strain theory, which I haven't read much on yet, is that we consider the termination of our lives when under one or more types of strain.  I personally find this theory hopeful, as targeting the sources of strain, i.e. "world stuck," could reduce the inducements to terminate one's life.  The General Strain Theory, according to one Wik I. Pedia cites loss of positive stimuli, addition of negative stimuli, or the inability to reach a desired goal, as three possible sources of strain.  I will follow up on this with my tdoc on Wednesday.  I think work is introducing negative stimuli, and I have a shit ton of unreached goals, but am starting to care about goals less and less.  Basically, it pisses me off that I've had to dramatically reduce my goals due to my diseases, and it's kind of tempting to just leave the party.  Please feel free to weigh in if you have personal and or academic experience with this.

      I'm also meeting virtually with my pdoc tomorrow... to tweak the cocktail.  Would love recommendations.  My current rx mix, dxs and rx, failures are in my signature.  Lamictal induces hives and vomiting.  Depakote causes dyskinesia.  Lithium ruined the thyroid and causes acute renal failure.  Medicine.  Ha ha.  Organ roulette.

      So the observation about different species of depression is that while for a decade-and-a-half I experienced what seemed like purely biochemical, chains-around-my-heart, tar-and-shark-filled, basements-beneath-basements depression.  This feels more like a rational(?) depression, which has me concerned about whether it will be responsive to biochemical therapy.

       
    • By Isaiah2017
      I'm having a hell of a hard time and experiencing rather weird symptoms. Whether they've anything to do with Mirtazapine (Remeron) is something that I strongly feel but can't quite convince any doctor of.   I was put on 15 mg of it in spring 2015 for depression and a severe insomnia - I hadn't slept an hour like since 25 nights back then! The benefits showed immediately within a day and surprised myself and my family. I would sleep well and be in a very happy and cheerful mood.   Then however, from summer 2016 I developed some strange food intolerances; caffeine, sugar, fruits containing high amounts of fructose, yoghurt, butter and so on. Eating anything of that would cause me jitteriness and insomnia. I steered clear of those foods.   From autumn last year though, a lot of those food intolerances have relented and it changed into intolerance towards medicines and supplements that I was on; the thyroid medicine for hypothyroidism, Vitamin D, Calcium, Vitamin E and could never again tolerate any new medicine or supplement. Symptoms resulting from these are, again, jitters, insomnia and a strange kind of feeling of being struck on the head, like I can't hear anything and the thinking becomes very unclear and blurred. Coupled with this is a weird sensation that if a medicine has any potential side-effect (even physical, such as urine retention), I get it at all costs. So I'm steering clear of the culprits here too.   However, avoiding the culprits doesn't end my misery, it just helps in avoiding a whole new set of symptoms, because since autumn 2016 I'm under constant brainfog anyway, have heart palpitations immediately after every meal (but worst after breakfast), have concentration and focus issues, lead a life without any hobbies, wishes or desires. Nothing excites me, nothing interests me and nothing catches my attention. Leave tasks pending for months (the most unlike me habbit), have badly lost my sense of humour. My sense of humour was something that I literally used to pride on, and friends from around the world would call me to fresh up if they were having a dull day. My mind feels numb, although it isn´t as if it´s the sedating effect of the Mirtazapine because 90% percent of the nights I don´t sleep well, and on a lot of nights I feel as if I´m asleep with an awake mind!   The GP who put me on it considered it to be just the effects of anxiety and depression and recommended the doubling of the dose to 30 mg. When I contested that, given that I´ve my doubts of a lot of these issues being brought upon by Mirtazapine itself, she referred me to a psychiatrist. He too strongly denies of Mirtazapine having any hand to play on it and instead thinks it´ll be best to combine it with another antidepressant for day-time.   He put me on Paroxetine, boom, a flood of side-effects! Then changed to Fluoxetine (Prozac) - third day on it and having weird feelings. The heart poundings are one and is in fact making me very depressed and hopeless!
    • By Adolf
      "Best" as in being effective with fewer side effects. Which ones were the best for you? Which ones did you take? What condition(s) did you treat? What side effects did you get? How did the antipsychotics compare to "conventional" antidepressants?
      Can antipsychotics be an alternative to "conventional" antidepressants? What are the risks? What are the benefits? Do they make you a tomato with time? Psychiatrists prescribe them more often in recent times, it seems.
×
×
  • Create New...