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Flavors of Depression

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A couple of days ago, I began sleeping too much again.. though I was feeling fine.

This weekend, I went on a beach trip with my family.


No pain. No joy. No happiness. No sorrow.

I could not feel.

I was numb to the core.

Even the songs that ordinarily made me cry had no effect on me.

I txted my pdoc and he said I was depressed.


I guess I was used to mixed states- lots of anger, energy and aggression.

But this? Life as a vegetable with no motivation, energy and emotion? This was new. I felt so...lifeless. I looked out the window in the car and could not muster an emotion.

No melancholy. No rumination. NOTHING.

And when I got home: I came crashing down. Now I'm terribly sad. I feel hopeless. I feel meaningless. In short: this is the depression we all know it to be.

Now here's my question: is this common? Different flavors of depression? Or was what I experienced a prelude somehow? OR was the excitement of the beach trip somehow leveling off my low mood state (if we were to graph it)?

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Yes, I've had the lack of emotion thing, but it doesn't happen every time. Sometimes I'm just sad and cry a lot, thinking everything is pointless anyway. But the lack of emotion really sucks, especially when you can't even fake it for the kids.

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What you describe is how I live my life every day. Well, most days I'm numb, I sleep too much, and I have absolutely no motivation. Other days, I am overcome with sorrow and blackness and hopelessness. Even on my good days, I am unable to feel joy - just sparks of hope. So yeah, it is one flavor of depression.

I'm sorry that you are feeling depressed.

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Your symptoms are the same ones that truly let me know I'm depressed. During my last episode I went to the Grand Canyon, which in a normal mood, is incredibly moving to me. But during the depressive episode, I felt nothing at all. By the time I've gotten to that point I'm usually pretty far into an episode - it starts with not getting out of bed, etc., but the lack of feeling is the icing on the cake.

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I usually get this "feeling of nothingness" a lot. Whether it is from not feeling all the wonderful feelings of a manic episode (i.e. being medicated) or being severely depressed I do not know. But what it is, is much less important then how severe it is and what your thoughts are.

I think I hate the nothingness feeling worse than the depression. For me it's much better knowing that I want to die (even though i shouldn't), than not knowing. It tends to cause a lot more agitation and I do some really stupid things to try and stop the numbness.

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I feel generally pretty emotional-less - it takes me a lot these days to get sad, happy, mad, etc. One thing that never stops is the anxiety.

But extreme lack of feelings - that often precipitates my depressions. I feel nothing, like I'm dead inside. I look at my beautiful family and smile and talk to them, while I feel no emotional attachment whatsoever. And that disturbs me a great deal. I feel as though I'm a horrible human being.

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First I'm sorry your feeling this way.

I know what you mean for the past two months I've felt this low grade depression with the occasional manic or mixed episode. But I feel numb and lifeless. Nothing moves me. I'm just sort of there.

You are not alone! Best of luck to you. I hope things begin to look up for you.

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I'm really sorry you've been feeling this way, hope it works out for you. You have a very understanding doctor. When I told my doctor I was having trouble crying, feeling anything she just brushed it off as a side effect of the medication so I have to live with it :(

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Feeling that way is often one of the first ways I recognize that I'm swinging into a depression. I'll just have a sudden realization that "wow....I don't feel anything right now."

When I'm deep in a depression I feel this way a lot too, but I kind of expect it when I'm really down in it. Even then, I swing a lot between extremely dark moods and the numbness.

BTW, I think the opposite of this would be an inappropriate display of emotion, "over" emotion, which sometimes happens to me when I'm coming out of a depression. Like I'll be laughing really hard and suddenly it will turn into weeping. It's weird. I just mention it because both the numbness and the "over" emotion seem to happen when I'm transitional.

I hope this feeling passes for you soon!

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Well, I had been euphoric for a couple of weeks ran out of lithium and bleh story we can skip, now I just can't focus, can't even cry, I feel numb, I even tried having sex and...nothing I'm so tired of this, at least I could paint and let go of it, but now I can't.....I feel like I'm in a bubble that will explode soon, my super familiar doctor decided to give me more clonazepam and more prozac because the fucking psdoc hasn't seen me and even though my other doctor send them a letter about the treatment they just ignored it. I've been having lots of stupid thought involving traffic but then I come to my senses but I just hate this...I can't pretend I'm happy and my daughter notices it...again I'm sleeping more than I should or nothing at all.....just wanted to vent it.

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