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Entering a Very Dark Place


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I am entering Avery dark place in my life now.

I'm scared. I'm alone. I am coming off of Lamictal so it is my fault, but there us really nothing I can do about it.

I'm experiencing non-bizarre delusions and periods of deep inner thought.

I find myself losing huge chunks of time by just staring off into space and doing nothing. I feel disconnected from my body as if my life were a waking dream. I'm so lost.

When will this end.

I feel like seeking out Meth or Oxy so I can come alive again, but I don't really even have the energy for that. I need help. Why am I so far gone? This med isn't even supposed to have harsh withdrawals. Maybe I have just been on it for way too long.

My wife dient even know. She would just kill ne if she knew I was getting off of it.

Help

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There are very good reasons you taper slowly off mental meds, ESP ones like Lamictal. I am not sure why you stopped, or if you quit suddenly, but you need to let your doctor decide how and if to d/c a drug.

Meth or oxy is a poor substitute to taking a mental med (Lamictal or other) that can curb the feelings rather than masking the symptoms.

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If it's at all possible, I'd get back on the Lamictal asap. It's obvious that you need it (or something). Drug seeking isn't going to help.

I agree, unless you have been told specifically not to by your pdoc. Also if it's been more than 3 days you should probably start tapering back on to it. You want to make sure to avoid SJS!

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I'm so sorry to hear you aren't feeling well but must agree with the others.

It would be best to call your Pdoc and let him/her know your status. I'm on Lamictal and have been for four years.

You obviously need something so please call as soon as possible.

Feel better and get back on your meds :)

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Ah, if it were only so simple. I have to get off Lamictal. I have had enough of the consequences. I can't stand the way it makes me feel nothing. I can't stand how it makes me sleep all the time and how it sucks out all of my motivation so I just sit around and do nothing. I can't do it anymore. My house can't handle it either. It is totally out of control. This isn't even me anymore, it's somebody else pretending to be me. I used to have so much energy, and get so much done, and live LIVE. I just exist now.

This has got to go.

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Ah, if it were only so simple. I have to get off Lamictal. I have had enough of the consequences. I can't stand the way it makes me feel nothing. I can't stand how it makes me sleep all the time and how it sucks out all of my motivation so I just sit around and do nothing. I can't do it anymore. My house can't handle it either. It is totally out of control. This isn't even me anymore, it's somebody else pretending to be me. I used to have so much energy, and get so much done, and live LIVE. I just exist now.

This has got to go.

Then why aren't you working with your pdoc to find something that works better?

You obviously need something and it seems like Lamictal was at least helping a little. I'd guess what you are calling side effects was Lamictal not fully managing your depression because those don't sound like Lamictal side effects. They sound like depression. You probably needed more meds or another med, not this choice for none. This choice for none also sounds like depression - "How can I possibly make myself feel worse? Ah, quit meds, quit pdoc, quit the things that are making my depression better." Old story, song, and dance.

The big thing is whether you are doing this with your pdoc or foolish enough to take your doctoring into your own hands.

Really, call you doc. You won't be the first patient to try discontinuing a med.

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I agree that you need lamictal plus something, or something else.

You also sound a teeny tiny little bit to me like you are craving mania. The fact is, euthymia is what you need to shoot for. If lamictal wasn't getting you there, try something else, and work with your pdoc.

I'm afraid I have little sympathy for helping people in dark places who are choosing to stop their meds without talking to a doctor, and knowing they have a major dx. You SHOULD be in a dark place. YOU chose this place. Make some different choices, and you'll probably start feeling a lot better.

Anna

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Well thanks for the support, NOT

I know, okay no I HOPE that you are only trying to help me, but really?

You don't understand, I begged the doctor to go on Lamictal again, and he is never going to agree with me getting off it now.

Yes, I need something but not this. Go to google. Put in the address bar "Lamictal Lack of Motivation" and

waahlaa. They you go. It's not just me I'm afraid. Unfortunately, it does work brialintly for some things, but I can not handle the

other effects of it. My doctor will never understand.

Yeah, I do feel crazy without it sometimes. But now I don't even have the ability to feel crazy even if I wanted to.

All I do is sleep and work, that's it. That is not living. I have no life. Even my dogs are depressed.

I think I would rather be crazy.

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Well thanks for the support, NOT

I know, okay no I HOPE that you are only trying to help me, but really?

You don't understand, I begged the doctor to go on Lamictal again, and he is never going to agree with me getting off it now.

Yes, I need something but not this. Go to google. Put in the address bar "Lamictal Lack of Motivation" and

waahlaa. They you go. It's not just me I'm afraid. Unfortunately, it does work brialintly for some things, but I can not handle the

other effects of it. My doctor will never understand.

Yeah, I do feel crazy without it sometimes. But now I don't even have the ability to feel crazy even if I wanted to.

All I do is sleep and work, that's it. That is not living. I have no life. Even my dogs are depressed.

I think I would rather be crazy.

Your last couple of posts sound to me like pure depression. This is not Lamictal side effects. You will find that out when you've been off the Lamictal for a while and you feel no better. Talk to your doctor. If your doctor doesn't listen, find another one. But it sounds to me like you need help ASAP.

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How do you know that your doctor will never understand? Have you talked to him/her? You are the patient and you have a right to say no to a particular drug. It's your job and your doctors job to do it safely. You owe it your family to be responsible about this. Go see your doc.

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It is hard. It's hard to find a new pdoc. It's hard to find a new med that works. I mean, really works and doesn't give you bad side effects along with it. I wish you luck. But do make some phone calls about finding a new pdoc if you feel like you can't even talk to the one you have now. That's no good.

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Guest Vapourware

It's frustrating when treatment fails. Been there, done that. Hell, my pdoc acknowledges my experience so far has been "discouraging" - med after med has failed on me.

Yet - swinging the opposite direction, craving illicit drugs and generally wanting to lose your head is also unproductive. That path will further jeopardise your health and, in the long run, you will feel worse.

So - talk to your pdoc again, make it clear that you don't want to take lamictal due to its impact on you. If he doesn't listen, take your business elsewhere.

Also, I don't know what you're really looking for in this thread. If you were looking for help and advice, we all gave it to you. You seemed to have thrown a hissy fit because people weren't validating your actions. Just because people disagree with your plans doesn't mean we aren't being "supportive". I think it would be negligent of us to tell you that it is okay to take meth and oxy, wouldn't you think?

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Well thanks for the support, NOT

I know, okay no I HOPE that you are only trying to help me, but really?

You don't understand, I begged the doctor to go on Lamictal again, and he is never going to agree with me getting off it now.

Yes, I need something but not this. Go to google. Put in the address bar "Lamictal Lack of Motivation" and

waahlaa. They you go. It's not just me I'm afraid.

I could put in "crack is not addictive" and come up with a thousand sites that support this theory. The internet is full of people who have strong opinions against everything.

Yeah, I do feel crazy without it sometimes. But now I don't even have the ability to feel crazy even if I wanted to.

All I do is sleep and work, that's it. That is not living. I have no life. Even my dogs are depressed.

I think I would rather be crazy.

If you would rather be crazy, why are you posting here wanting sympathy? You just said you'd rather be crazy - well, you've got a case of the crazies now. Depression is just as crazy as being mixed or manic.

The longer I've been on this forum, the more people I see post about how their life is so terrible with meds. I admit, I used to be one of those people. But once I got hospitalized a couple of times, OD''d accidentally on some benzos, lost three jobs in a year, and went on SSDI did I realize that things needed some serious attention.

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I took 4 months to get off of Lamictal and withdrawal was pure hell. It can be very hard to get off of for some people especially if you're not doing under the supervision of a doctor.

Stop lying to your wife. Stop lying to your doctor. Do this the right way and you'll feel better in the long run.

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I took 4 months to get off of Lamictal and withdrawal was pure hell. It can be very hard to get off of for some people especially if you're not doing under the supervision of a doctor.

Stop lying to your wife. Stop lying to your doctor. Do this the right way and you'll feel better in the long run.

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I'm going to echo everyone here. Going off of meds is badness. Not following doc's directions is badness (BTDT this last weekend). If a med isn't working, it's time to try something else. Your doc will probably be fine with it, tbh. I asked to be on a med that isn't working for me, and my doc is perfectly OK with trying something else. He didn't even comment on it - he didn't want to put me on the med in the first place. Now I'm slowing tapering off and trying something else. No big deal. That's part of having this illness, KWIM?

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