This is a long shot, but I figure I can't be the only one who has ever had this thought. Is there a way to induce a state that includes the productivity/happiness of mania - without all the extra bullshit? 😅
Mania is better than any drug, the euphoria is incomparable. Every time I skip a few days of sleep, feel an increase in energy, or anything that might be the beginning of an episode, I think - ''Please let this be the onset of the best feeling in the world. I can't do this shit anymore''. I feel so guilty admitting to that, because I know that being manic and being functional are generally not compatible. I also don't ever want to end up in hospital again, because that never fails to be a de-humanizing experience.
I have not had any symptoms of mania since my last hospital admission, three whole years ago. It was the first and only manic episode that I've ever had, and it lasted for about three months. I feel like I could have avoided hospital completely if I had experienced mania without the accompanying psychosis. If I could just achieve that level of elation without:
rapid speech word-salad delusional beliefs dangerously impulsive acts (e.g. jumping out of a car on the highway because the sky looked beautiful and I wanted a loser look) I look back on those ugly symptoms and I could never cope with them now. I go to college full-time, I work, and I have so much to lose if I lost the ability to communicate with others and behave safely. On the other hand - my life just feels so damn gray and stagnant; I miss feeling invincible.
I am currently on 300 mg of seroquel for bipolar II (mainly depression) and 300 mg Lyrica for anxiety. I want to come off the Lyrica because I think it might be causing rage and it always seems to happen after my morning dose of 150 mg Lyrica, and 100 mg of Seroquel. I take 150mg of Lyrica at 9am and then again at 5pm. My Seroquel is taken at 100 mg at 9am and 200 mg at 9pm. It is Extended Release. The Lyrica is in capsule form.
Any thoughts? I am smallish 44 yo woman.
I live in Ireland an have just returned from a 10 day trip in the U.S (Massachusetts....crossed 5 time zones). Despite being awake for 36 hours I am far from tired. I'm alert and busy and haven't been able to relax since I got home this morning. I'm starting to have racing thoughts and am becoming really restless and a bit irritable.
Anyone else experience this???? Don't want to develop full blown mania.....I am a bit worried!!