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Emotions run together


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This is going to sound really stupid. I feel like I don't know who I am or what I feel. When my dr. or family ask me how I'm feeling, I don't know what to tell them. All of my emotions seem to run together. When I laugh, I don't know if I'm really happy. Same as when I'm sad.

I feel like I'm putting on a big show for everybody, like I'm not really who everyone thinks I am. That I'm really evil and a liar but nobody knows the truth, even me.

Does this ever go away? I just want a magic pill I guess, like everybody else. I'm so tired of feeling this way. Just numb I guess.

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I feel like this all the time. Especially the whole "putting on a show" thing. I've never really felt like I was totally being myself and letting my guard down. With anyone. Maybe with my boyfriend on a few rare occasions but that's about it.

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I have felt like this forever. I have no idea how I feel, but I know I'm not "happy." I have brief fleeting moments of happiness that occur a couple of times a year, it seems. I can laugh. I can be really funny so everyone assumes I'm happy or okay. But the truth is I'm numb emotionally, and I don't seem to possess the vocabulary needed to even begin to describe how I feel, if I knew how I felt in the first place. Since I don't know how I feel, I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life, and I don't have a good picture of who I am.

Blah blah blah. I'm hoping it will get better as my meds get dialed in.

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I feel the same way. I think the real magic happens when we don't ask. When we are just content with the way we are, regardless of what it's name is. I think those are the times when I am happiest.

Although that is usually not good enough for those that care for us and want a permanent mood chart stapled to our foreheads. So try to rephrase the question in your mind before answering it may be easier to answer. For instance:

"How are you feeling?" can become "How are you doing?" the second answer can easily be answered by "good" or "bad" or even "not sure"

If someone asks why you do not specify a particular emotion (and its someone you care about) you can try to explain that all those emotions are a little too complicated for me right now.

Thank you very much for this post cause it seems I may have come up with an action plan for myself as well!

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  • 2 weeks later...

WOOOOOOOW. RIGHT NOW I'M SO CRAZY. I don't know. But I also feel like I'm crashingcrashingcrashing. I should probably get off this thing and try and get some sleep but I'm JUST SO CRAZY. liejnflkajfnlekjfnlkejfnlekwjnflewknj ANYWAYS. Sorry to talk about me forEVER. Let's get back to youryouryour post. WHEEEEEEEE. Okay. So. Yes, I always feel like I'm pretending too. I MUST BE A LIAR. Like, I'm almost certain that later I'm going to go back and freaking regret ever coming on here and posting stuff. I only seem to write on Crazyboards when I'm at the highest high or lowest low. I was hospitalized twice and I am constantly asking myself if I'm truly bipolar or if this some made up show to find out who I really am. I don't KNOW anymore. GOD. So many capitals. I'm usually a lowercase kind of girl but not today I guess. ANYHOO. I don't know how to describe how I feel too so I usually just say good or slur a bunch of feelings together, kind of like I'm talking through my thoughts out loud. But jeez, if I talked through my thoughts out loud NO ONE WOULD GET MEEEEEEEEEEEE. Anyhoo, good luck bud! You've got this!

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