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Damik

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There are some murmurings of ECT going around.

I know people on here have suggested I give Emsam a longer trial, it has been almost a month.

The thing is my suicidal desires are real high, the only thing keeping me from acting on them is the fact that I have no money and I don't have the time needed for IP if I messed up. Even still I've had desperate thoughts like covering myself with the last of my Emsam patches and binging on cheddar cheese. I'm not sure it would do anything but the thoughts been there.

I don't know what other options I have. Emsam is the only MAOI I've been on, but I don't think any of the others would be a good choice for me because if they don't work I would be so tempted to eat my way to a hypertensive crisis.

I know that a lot of people have said that ECT has saved their lives, but it frightens me and I wonder if I've exhausted all my options yet.

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ECT is a good option for those who do not respond adequately to meds. It's nothing to be scared of and has helped many.

Have you tried any antidepressant combos? At one time, I had success with the combo mirtazapine + citalopram + bupropion. Some people swear by the combo mirtazapine + venlafaxine. I could not exist on a single antidepressant because I just don't respond to antidepressants.

Has there ever been an AD that you responded to even if it was just very slightly? If so that is the AD to build a combo around.

I was going to suggest carbamazepine (Tegretol), but I see that you've tried it and are currently on Trileptal. When you tried Tegretol, did you try the chewable tablets? I found that there is a huge difference between the chewable tablets and the regular tablets. I will only take the chewable tablets.

But again, don't be afraid of ECT. I helps many people who do not respond to meds.

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ECT absolutely saved my life. I had very mild memory loss with it. It's something to consider; especially since you tried an MAOI. I understand it being scary, it certainly was for me. I had gotten to the point where I figured "what the hell" since otherwise I was unlikely to come out the other side alive. I had about ten months of stability. Then I messed up and, with my doc's consent, went down on my Lexapro. Although I am now on an even higher dose, it doesn't seem to be working. I might be looking at ECT again myself. I can honestly say that right after it, and for a few months, I felt better than I had in years. It doesn't work for everyone, but it works for the vast majority of depressed patients. Don't give up without giving it a try.

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Prozac worked when I first went on AD, Lexapro worked for a year and then just stopped. But I've only been on one AD at a time, no combos. When I was on Tegretol I completely lost my sense of taste. I didn't try the chewable ones, though.

I keep feeling like I don't try hard enough so that is why I'm getting better. I'm having a hard time taking my pills (though I do take my pills and on time) anyway because I worry that they are not working because they aren't meant to make me not depressed they are meant to make me compliant and that is why I feel like a mindless zombie while I'm on them.

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They are meant to make you compliant with what? I've never had that feeling. In fact, I have come to view meds as my only real hope of feeling better. I've never thought of it as a control issue. I willingly take my pills because I want to feel better. I feel that my pdoc isn't doing enough to help my depression. My old pdoc used to treat my depression aggressively, but my new pdoc makes med adjustments slowly, too slowly in my eyes. The important thing is that I CHOOSE to take my meds to feel better.

Also, I do not feel like a zombie on my meds. If you do, have you discussed this with your pdoc? This could be a sign that you are on the wrong meds and/or the wrong dosages. The right meds will not make you feel like a zombie unless, of course, that is the only med you respond to.

I urge you to bring up antidepressant combos to your pdoc. It's very encouraging that you have responded at least partially to two antidepressants. The situation is not as bleak as it seems.

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I'm going to call my pdoc Monday.

I just feel exhausted all the time and it is like I'm going through the motions. I don't know if it is the depression, but in my mind I blame the drugs.

I can't say for sure what I'm being made compliant for, but it's like what if the drugs make you lie in wait until the trigger is released. Your mind is primed and malleable for suggestion. You already have a MI so you are an easy scapegoat. All they have to do is aim you at a target and let you go.

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Yes, what you said about your meds sounds like paranoia. Tell your pdoc.

Stress can make you feel exhausted, and from reading you posts from the last week, you are experiencing a lot of stress. Depression and stress can make you feel like you are just going through the motions. I have that too no matter what meds I'm on. I know that it is the depression.

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You have a history of psychosis with your depression. Having thoughts that sound a little paranoid should be a big red flag for you.

I would call your pdoc ASAP and if you feel like you're at the point where you need ECT, talk to him or her about it.

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I can't say for sure what I'm being made compliant for, but it's like what if the drugs make you lie in wait until the trigger is released. Your mind is primed and malleable for suggestion. You already have a MI so you are an easy scapegoat. All they have to do is aim you at a target and let you go.

Damik, that is paranoid thinking. You MI is talking. You need to check in with your pdoc.

nf

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