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I am truly convinced that I am no longer depressed... but


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I don't really know where to post this... but I need to air this out...

Yes, I am truly convinced.. I mean I don't cry all day anymore. I don't cry myself to sleep anymore, I don't wake up just to cry some more anymore. I have gotten back my interests... I can now smile at the mirror and not feel like I was faking it.

I don't really know how to explain it but I know... I know that I am no longer depressed. I think anyone would recognize that they're out of it, the feeling is just so wonderful and pleasant and you just know.

But why can't I still seem to do what I intended to do? Did I take on too much too soon?

But the opportunity was there and I wanted to seize the day!! Like I used to!!!

But why can't I?? Why can't I write one simple heck of an article that I know I could do in just an hour. That's why I went back to my online writing job, which is home based so no pressure. I can't do it. I can't explain why or how... but I just can't! Have I been so used to doing nothing?

I am beginning to feel as if I got to like being depressed. But I know I wanted out of it, I don't think anyone wants to stay in that black hole. I know I want to do something with my life... and I am taking a really small step here. I don't think it should overwhelm me to write a simple article.

I know I have adhd and I know the medicine is supposed to help me focused, not motivated. But I'm confused because I think I AM motivated because I do want to do this... but I can't.

Am I just being lazy??? Then again.. if I am... what am I doing here in front of my laptop staring at the material that I am supposed to read and actually reading it for hours but not understanding what I've read?

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I have no advice, as I am going through something similar, but this thread is about you. I think it may be important to know how long you have been on your medication regime, and how long have you not been feeling depressed. That info may help you get some answers.

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I think that there are many symptoms of depression. When I'm depressed, I cry very little and if you met me, you would have no idea that I'm depressed.

But I have trouble concentrating, and I'm not motivated to complete tasks, and I can't sit down and read a book. So my guess is that you might still be depressed, but with different symptoms.

If you are seeing a therapist, you could bring this up. Maybe your antidepressant isn't working as well as you thought it was.

olga

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Maybe during your depression, you got out of a routine and lost some confidence? I know that after I have had a depressive episode, it takes time to get back to normal. I don't just snap back. Maybe make yourself a balanced schedule that includes some restful downtime, take good care of yourself (diet. sleep, exercise) and stuff like that?

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hmmm... let me check... accdg to my journal, (which I won't be able to ever remember stuff like when unless I write them)...

I started taking Lexapro - Aug. 17. So... (oh geesh I have to count, I suck I know..) that would be 6 weeks.

I started feeling better just a week ago... but I still think of death like it would be a pleasant retreat and some nights before I go to sleep... I do still feel like there's no point to my life - but that's because I just don't know what to do next and I feel it's very difficult to catch on.

Oh shoot... yes, you know Olga, sometimes it crosses my mind if I'm still depressed... but the very different thing I've noticed was that - I could feel happy. That wasn't possible until just last week.

I'm confused :closedeyes:

Could I still be depressed? Or am I just sad on those occasions or frustrated about the way things are - in other words external factors and current situations?

Now I'm really confused. There's a very big difference though - I no longer feel like there are dementors following me everywhere sucking every happiness out of me. I am able to feel pleasant feelings - so the Anhedonia is gone. I am able to enjoy singing - that is a very big difference because I never felt any pleasant emotions during those 6 long weeks and if I did, they only lasted an hour at most, until last week. I was either crying, angry, or I just feel nothing. But now.. I am able to feel happy. I mean I am no longer plagued by guilt, regrets, self-pity, etc... But yeah.. I still sometimes feel like "What's the point?" But in a way that is more natural than depressive I think. But I could be wrong. Like I said, I'm confused. I don't know. I don't know anything... I don't know what to make of this or what to do.

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Maybe you still have some depression, I don't know. Or maybe you've just fallen into a rut and need to get back on track. Do something to break up your routine that has become a habit. Take a vacation. If you are renting, consider moving to a new house/apartment. Just do something to get a new start. Maybe even consider taking a part-time job outside of the home until you develop some new habits and break out of the old depressed habits.

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I never felt any pleasant emotions during those 6 long weeks and if I did, they only lasted an hour at most, until last week. I was either crying, angry, or I just feel nothing.

I think you still have lingering depression symptoms, even though you largely feel better, which is good. Like Olga said, there are many kinds of depression symptoms. I think it is too soon to expect a major turnaround, or take on major new projects, since improvement was so recent, though I think trying new things on a light level could be refreshing and a way to test the waters to see if you are ready for more.

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Keep in mind that meds like lexapro take 4-6 weeks to become effective. If you are feeling better now, then the lexapro is working. WHATEVER you do , don't stop taking it. That could lead to an early relapse.

Sounds like your meds are working. Good stuff. Stick with it.

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I guess I missed the part that you just started taking Lexapro and are just starting to feel better. Then, yes, you should start with small steps to make changes in your life and not the large ones I suggested earlier.

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If you just start feeling better a week ago, you're being unreasonable thinking you'll be 100% by now. You've been on Lexapro 6 weeks. It's working. You may have to tweak the dosage of your meds at some point, but for now just give your brain a chance to heal.

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It took me a while to realize that "less depressed" did not necessarily mean "not depressed." You sound depressed. And yes, you can have interludes where you feel happy, or enjoy something, it is the over-all mood that is at issue.

You also need to take baby steps. Seriously. Taking on too much will actually slow down your recovery.

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Guest Vapourware

I agree with some of the others who pointed out that you still sound depressed. You might be less depressed than before, but it doesn't mean you are not depressed. I think you should take it slower and not put so much pressure on yourself to be performing at the same rate as you did before the depression started. If you've just recently started on medication, then they usually take some time to work. Feeling okay for a week isn't a long enough indication that you are out of a depressive episode.

I find that during the course of recovery, the steps out of an episode are fraught with fragile moments. So, you have to be careful not to overload yourself, lest you slip and fall back down into the hole.

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I find that during the course of recovery, the steps out of an episode are fraught with fragile moments. So, you have to be careful not to overload yourself, lest you slip and fall back down into the hole.

This is what I meant, Vape put it better than I did.

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It took me a while to realize that "less depressed" did not necessarily mean "not depressed." You sound depressed. And yes, you can have interludes where you feel happy, or enjoy something, it is the over-all mood that is at issue.

You also need to take baby steps. Seriously. Taking on too much will actually slow down your recovery.

i totally agree.

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Oh geeesh... yeah I do think I might have jumped in to too much too soon. Thanks so much for your inputs guys.

I was starting to feel depressed again because of the fact that I can't do my job so I'm just gonna back off a little, since I do have that freedom on a home-based job.

I find that during the course of recovery, the steps out of an episode are fraught with fragile moments. So, you have to be careful not to overload yourself, lest you slip and fall back down into the hole.

I definitely don't wanna go back in there.

I also said these things to my pdoc and he said that I should just be taking baby steps.

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I was able to work on some stuff... but I started feeling tired and then stressed and then I started to notice that I'm lonely... so I started feeling sad again. And then I started crying... and then it just felt awful.

My pdoc said it might be bipolar II. So that means I need to see him again sometime this week or the next. It just bothers me that I'm spending a lot of money for this instead of earning them and being helpful.

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It just bothers me that I'm spending a lot of money for this instead of earning them and being helpful.

I think I'm safe to say this bothers everyone on the boards, no matter their dx, and no matter what productive thing it is that they'd like to do. No one wants to spend the time and money on treating a mental illness.

As you are finding out, recovery from a bout of depression is typically not a straight line up. It's not like an infection where once it's cleared up, you're fine again. Baby steps towards work are good, and now is a good time to develop your self-care skills, like getting some fresh air and sunshine every day, eating right, exercising, calling a friend to chat, etc. Those habits will help you stay well and much less likely to visit the abyss.

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I just saw pdoc again this morning because I started feeling depressed again. I guess I should have been more specific - when I started taking projects, I took 3 projects all at once for a one week deadline, which means I have to do a total of about 40 articles or so.

But after the overwhelming feeling, I took it one piece at a time and then got in the mood with the help of Concerta and got it going really good. It felt great. Then I started feeling very lonely and then sad... and then depressed.

Now he thinks I have Bipolar II so he's adding Lamictal to my meds. I'm just a bit new to hearing a diagnosis like this because I am 27 and I'm just thinking how could I have missed this growing up? Although I do remember I felt a lot depressed most of the time but I always thought that was just because I'm a girl and it could be the hormones talking. I'm gonna have to start reading my diaries from high school and see what I may find.

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