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Why am I so happy when I think of suicide?


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I don't know if I'm depressed b/c it seems like I don't know what sad is. This confuses the hell out of me.

For awhile now I've been thinking a lot about suicide. It's not like I am/was dead set on doing it, but I've been seriously considering it. My tdoc and pdoc know this, btw.

When I think of it, I'm extremely happy, almost euphoric. Then I'll remember, I can't because of my kids and I feel an intense sadness. It hurts so bad. Shouldn't these emotions be the other way around?

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I think that when you're not feeling well, thinking of suicide can bring a feeling of relief. It's a way out. Sometimes thoughts of suicide feel comforting to me because I feel more in control, like I can make it all end if I want to.

That doesn't mean it's a good idea, but I don't think it's particularly abnormal to have some positive feelings about the idea of it.

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I've experienced the same thing. I think it's because when I'm low suicide seems like a good thing, and it would just be such a relief to end it all. I feel sad when I realised that I have to continue living and struggling. I don't think it's that abnormal to feel like that. If you're considering suicide, then your emotions are probably mixed up anyway.

Just remember that it can get better! Good luck,

N

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I have felt the exact same thing. I've thought of suicide, being imprisoned, being hospitalized for a very long time, being stranded on a desert island, running away and starting a new life, etc. basically anything to make the pain of life go away. But then I realize that I have kids that depend on me. I can't be so selfish. I am so sorry to hear that you are suffering.

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Yes, thinking of suicide can be a total relief. I also tend to have suicidal thoughts during my depressions so the idea of the plans constantly SHUTTING UP if I implemented them can be tempting.

That said, same scene-- kids, responsibilities, etc. Plus, I know that I really DON'T want to suicide most of the time. So I try to focus on that instead.

Anna

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i remember when I attemted suicide my heart rate was at an all time the color's were bright the voice in my head almost evil the other voice seemed far away so I slit my wrist as far as I could with all the intensety that matched my determination and after accomplishing my goal something from outside carryed away the loath and disdain I had for life suddenly I felt amused at my stupidity and then I was outraged and then out of the confusion I felt the sadness in subtle shade of red I bursting like the sky with tears of sadness and sorrow so here I am with all my cluttered emotion's a another fool with a record illegal mortality

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We like to always have a plan. Without a plan it's chaos and emotional turmoil. With a plan things are calmer and more in place. Having a plan means that we're in control of the situation, while being without means that everything is crazy and wild uncontrollable. So, it makes sense that you'd be happier thinking such things. But that doesn't mean that acting on them will make you happier!

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It's a coping mechanism, I think. Planning, choosing, deciding. Something you can control when everything else is beyond your control That's how it feels to me, anyway.

Pretty much the same appeal as hurting yourself in less dramatic ways.

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