Hey everybody, you can call me ink

[inkterra]

Hey everyone, I'm new here. Normally when I come to a forum, I spend a while lurking before I can work up the courage to post something, but I thought id be a little more outgoing this time.

I'm currently diagnosed with Tourette's syndrome, Bipolar II, OCD, ADHD, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. The reason I came here is to get more information on OCD, since I think that's my main problem right now, but I'm not completely certain. I went off all my meds about a year ago, and was doing much better and feeling much better than I ever have, but I've decided to go back on the meds because of my problems which are listed below.

heres some info on my problem for anyone who's interested:

About 2 months ago, something triggered me to start having a lot of thoughts about death, which included images in my mind of me killing people, dissecting people(horrible, i know), and many other gruesome things. Sometimes i feel as if these things are an urge, but its not something i would ever want to act on. These thoughts are usually accompanied by extreme anxiety and sometimes panic attacks. Ive never been a very social person, but I've cut off my contact with almost everyone since I started having this problem.

I put myself in a mental hospital about a month and a half ago to see if i could get some help there, but it did absolutely no good at all. All i could think about when i was there was getting out and i constantly had what seemed like urges to go around attacking everybody at the hospital. I never harmed anyone though.

I still have the same problem. Sometimes the thoughts seem to die down, and sometimes they seem to get stronger. Ive stopped watching violent movies and listening to a lot of my music and stopped playing a lot of my video games for the fear that they might trigger me. I avoid anything sharp and have gotten to the point where I'm not sure I can even trust myself anymore. I feel like I'm losing my entire life.

I haven't had any problems with OCD since I was a child, and they never involved intrusive thoughts, but what I'm currently leaning towards is that these are intrusive thoughts caused by OCD.

Anybody have any ideas or suggestions that can help me?

[olga]

Welcome to Crazyboards. I'm glad you're posting instead of lurking.

We can't really diagnose people, but you seem to have a handle on your various mental issues. Are you seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist? If you told them about your urges to harm others and your intrusive thoughts, I'm sure there would be medications and therapies that could help you.

I hope you can get the medical help you need.

olga

[inkterra]

I do currently have a psychiatrist, but I have only seen the guy once. My previous doc was very rude to me and told me that I was wasting everyone's time if I was going to try to be involved in the medications i was taking, so i walked out on my appointment with him. And just last week I tried to go join a support group, but I was stuck in a mental hospital again! I got out on Wednesday. These things are making me reluctant to seek more help. I know I need it, but I'm not sure what to do right now. I've decided that I'm going to have to figure most things out on my own.

I'm going to be starting clomipramine soon to try and deal with the intrusive thoughts. I really hope it works. And I'm not looking for a diagnosis, I just want to hear from anyone that has had similar issues and how they dealt with them. I just want to look into every possibility.