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Who i am?

First of all, my english is not perfect since it isnt my first language. Im a 21 years old student with the diagnostic of BPD, not sure about the level since my theraphyst did a really fucked up shit (giving the diagnostic to my parents and not me, so im not supposed to know it, they can hide it, but im not stupid anyways)

My problems maybe started at school, bullying and a old fashioned parents telling you face your problems instead of run away from it (yeah, face 30 guys being assholes with me just because of being me) now at university, some things have changed, another ones really sucks since my relationship with other people is sometimes fine, but after the end of the day, im lonely, they wont give a shit on what i have to say, no one will care if my back is bleeding. On my own career, is more fucked up, because i dont feel like i fit there, i just cant stablish close relationship with my classmates, in fact, i havent stablished any kind of relationship on my three years there, i feel like the weirdo guy that sit alone and dont speak to anyone.

Last year, this wasn´t a real issue since i was so addicted to my gf that "everything was perfect", (it was a one year relationship) but at the end of last year, i got cheated and dropped like a cigarette in thrash can to be forgotten forever, I started to going to the therapist few months before that because i wanted to stablish a more healthfull relationship (because i was addicted, and since i over react on my emotional feelings it was a issue), when that happened, i overeacted on somatisation, couldnt eat (bullimia) and couldnt sleep for some days (this stopped when i went to the doc and he gave me pills)

Now i feel so lonely, dont know how to stop being the weirdo of the class, life is going fucked up since my father is being afflicted by cancer (i think he going to die) and i am still really hurt about my ex. Now im not that hurt about what is going to happen, but i will get overwhelmed and things will just get worst.

I´m actually using (names on spanish): quetiapina, wellbutrin, clonazepan and oxcarbazepina.

Not sure if all this testament was needed for the presentation, but hi everyone =D

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Bienvenidos. Sounds like you have a lot going on right now. Do you mean you have bipolar or borderline personality disorder? Just curious. Check out the boards, there's a lot of information here. Chat is a great place to get support too. Ud. habla espanol?

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I'm sorry you're having such a hard time and feeling so out of synch with the rest of the world. it's a feeling i can relate to, since my childhood. i was bullied too, and that can stay with you even after it's 'over'.

i wish i had sage advice to offer as far as finding a relationship that works and not feeling isolated. but it's something i've always struggled with myself and i'm 40 and i still don't know what the hell i'm doing.

so i'll just welcome you again and say i hope you find what you need here. lots of information to be found that can be really helpful (people say what they mean here and don't just dance around issues, etc.)


ps i've done the dad with cancer thing too- it totally sucks, my heart goes out to you, truly. i'm sorry that you are going through all this.

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