tommy000 Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 so i was at the bus stop the other night and there a bunch of street kids around. anyway there was the girl really skinny wearing a hoodie and was wearing sunglasses at like 9pm.. no one spoke to her. the street kids that were hanging around weren't bothering her but at the same time i dont think they knew her or were her friends. its like if your thin and good looking people are unlikely to bother u. while if u were and fat or ugly they will more likely bother u or make fun of u?? anyone else notice this. looks ARENT everything but when it comes to people bothering u or bullying u its DOES count?? another example is when in school people kept going on how " quiet " i was while there was this gorgeous girl in the same class room who didnt talk most of the time and was really quiet also and no one criticized her for it.? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Vapourware Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 Maybe you didn't hear people criticise this other girl when you were in school? As for the girl at the bus stop, it could just be that the kids didn't know her and therefore weren't going to bother her. It might have had nothing to do with her looks. You seem to have a problem with people whom you characterise as "street kids" - I wonder if you may need to address that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tommy000 Posted October 19, 2011 Author Share Posted October 19, 2011 You seem to have a problem with people whom you characterise as "street kids" - I wonder if you may need to address that? oh look im not judging them. my point has nothing to do with them. i dont have a problem with them. dont change the topic. im just saying they were bothering some people like throwing things. yelling things, drinking alcolhol etc etc and racially aswell to some asian guy yet there is some skinny attractive young girl wearing sunglasses at 9 at night and a wearing a hoodie and was by herself and they didnt even say anything to her. or make fun of her? and she was standing close to them but werent "hanging" with them. ok i dont get it. its like im quiet and people tease me for it and yes when i was in the classroom they people kept going on about it even till now and yet there would be some stunning girl who was also quiet and no one picked on her for it? they say EVERYONE gets bullied but i think its a load of crap. ive been getting out quite a bit and noticed this in most places. if ur thin and good looking people are very unlikely to bully u or bother u? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Vapourware Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 Well, apparently I'm considered "good looking" and "thin" [been told repeatedly, which I guess is flattering] and there's been numerous times when I'm minding my own business and people have made lewd comments to me, tried to grope me, etc. So, I think it's difficult to make a generalised statement like, if you are of <x> appearance, you are "very unlikely" to be a target. I agree though that people who appear more "different" from the mainstream are more likely a target for derogatory comments, but again, it's not all the time. I think people of any appearance are likely to be the target of derogatory comments from something/someone, to be honest. My comment regarding the "street kids" was more based on your seeming history of focusing on people whom you characterise as belonging in that group. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tommy000 Posted October 19, 2011 Author Share Posted October 19, 2011 yeah but their not being negative towards ur appearance or arent giving u a sense of a negative attitude. arent u glad u r getting guys hitting on u and giving u attention coz ur drop dead gorgeous? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Vapourware Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 No? I find people trying to grope me to be pretty intrusive and offensive, and people cracking on me to be about the same. I should be allowed to have a drink at a bar without some random idiot coming up and bothering me? Just like how people who otherwise look or act different have a right to their own space and be respected without random people coming up and bothering them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sixstringkate Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 Wow, um yeah. I'm no Barbie doll or anything, but I've always been thin and (so I've been told) nicely shaped. And I got teased all the time. Having glasses, something I said, something I was wearing, for not knowing something, for crying in the bathroom, for not giving homeless guys change, for bumping into someone on the train, for sitting quietly on the bus wearing sunglasses because I didn't want to look at anyone... People are cruel, don't imagine you are being picked out especially. Just because some punks didn't bother with some quiet girl the one time you happened to be there doesn't mean the universe is stacked against you personally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 I think that this has more to do with your paranoia and insecurity Tommy, than it does the world at large. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cetkat Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 im just saying they were bothering some people like throwing things. yelling things, drinking alcolhol etc etc and racially aswell to some asian guy yet there is some skinny attractive young girl wearing sunglasses at 9 at night and a wearing a hoodie and was by herself and they didnt even say anything to her. or make fun of her? and she was standing close to them but werent "hanging" with them. Yeah, but a hoodie and sunglasses also means no eye contact and the impression of lack of engagement with those people too. Minding your own business while being polite, I've found, is the single best way to avoid unwelcome attention. Looking uncomfortable only draws attention to yourself - whether or not there's a true reason to be. Often, there really isn't. I think that was lack of attention in general - not them choosing not to show her any because of a perceived attractiveness. ok i dont get it. its like im quiet and people tease me for it and yes when i was in the classroom they people kept going on about it even till now and yet there would be some stunning girl who was also quiet and no one picked on her for it? they say EVERYONE gets bullied but i think its a load of crap. ive been getting out quite a bit and noticed this in most places. if ur thin and good looking people are very unlikely to bully u or bother u? People get bullied in different ways - and it's usually kept specific. Like, if they're already picking on you for being quiet.. why would a particular bully start picking on someone completely different for the same thing? It's easier to stick with you and find something else for her. The bully already knows he/she has the support of the "pack" with you.. with the other girl, others may not join in. Or, true, they could have been just afraid of her disliking "them" because they did in fact find her attractive. However, even attractive people will get picked on in school for deviating social norms. Kids *love* to pick on other kids (general term). They just pick the easier targets for the particular action. In another example, she could have been the "safest" to mess with. Well, apparently I'm considered "good looking" and "thin" [been told repeatedly, which I guess is flattering] and there's been numerous times when I'm minding my own business and people have made lewd comments to me, tried to grope me, etc. So, I think it's difficult to make a generalised statement like, if you are of <x> appearance, you are "very unlikely" to be a target. yeah but their not being negative towards ur appearance or arent giving u a sense of a negative attitude. arent u glad u r getting guys hitting on u and giving u attention coz ur drop dead gorgeous? There's attention, and then there's negative attention. ANY attention that is unwelcome or makes you feel uncomfortable is negative. Would you like someone treating you like an object and not a person and touching you inappropriately? Think of someone you dislike... Now picture them grabbing your ass. Would *you* be happy with that? Honestly? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notfred Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 I think that this has more to do with your paranoia and insecurity Tommy, than it does the world at large. Seems to be a reoccurring theme, doesn't it ? nf Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enlightened_plutonian Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 I get laughed at a lot. And I am definitely not fat. I just keep myself to myself and try not to let things get to me (easier said than done). People do suck, but you also need to stop worrying about how everyone else is behaving. Find something to distract yourself, and just walk away when they come right up to you. I usually find these kind of things helpful, and I too get a lot of paranoia. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hallowedink Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 I'm thinking they may have been trying to impress that girl by acting up? Anyway, I'm told that I'm "pretty" and "thin", and yet I can't remember a time in my life when I haven't been bullied. N Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gearhead Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 Thin and widely perceived as attractive just gets you a different kind of unwanted attention. I've had both "You're such a freak" and "Hey, baby," encounters with people, and believe me, harassment is harassment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
y58 Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 I think that this has more to do with your paranoia and insecurity Tommy, than it does the world at large. Seems to be a reoccurring theme, doesn't it ? Yes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tommy000 Posted October 20, 2011 Author Share Posted October 20, 2011 just whenever i get bullied or feel under threat its "WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME???" while there are all these other people around and its ME they single out and it appears no one else is affected? or another example is some buff guy and his mates who just look like they have been in the gym for too long people are scared of them, obviously coz they dont want to get *hit* in the face. ever see any of those guys get picked on? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lysergia Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 it's not always you. you just aren't there to see it happening all over the place. bullying is wrong, but it's never a campaign against one person. else there would be nothing to do after you go home. i've been bullied as a child and known bullies as i got older (who don't bully me). i can see, now, how they choose their targets. they're probably not going to gang up on a lone girl. that just looks bad, and WEAK - you can't brag about jumping a girl if you're a group of guys. a group of girls will operate differently, they'll seek out lone girls because it's easier to compete physically. the girl at the bus stop was an unlikely target because of her hoodie and sunglasses - it is the LEAVE ME ALONE outfit, but it also obscures her reaction to the group of bullies. you can't tell if you're intimidating someone if you can't see their face. if you don't look intimidated, but rather absorbed in something else unrelated to the bullies, you don't look like a good target either. like if you're on the phone (even pretending, or pretending to text someone). if you are not camouflaged with things like the above, and you feel intimidated, it shows unless you actively behave differently. don't be challenging of course, but look one of them straight in the eye and say wassup or hey or just nod, then look back to the street to see if the bus is coming or something like that. start talking to the hoodie girl (or anyone nearby) about something trivial, like "what time is it" or "do you know where such and such place is" (as if you need directions). if possible, leave the backpack/purse at home. if you look like you have nothing of value, it goes a long way. it's a small window of time between when a group of bullies scope you out then decide what to do about you. if you can do any of the above, you'll minimize your chances. not saying you can prevent bullying EVERY time (whoever solves that problem will be a billionaire). But there are a few small safety rules like the above (especially if you live in a neighborhood where roaming gangs are present) that can make you look like a far less attractive target. and it has nothing to do with attractiveness, btw. if a group of guys think a girl is hot, they're more likely to yell "hey baby" than "fuckin bitch" or some shit rather than gang up on her. which is also scary sometimes as a woman no matter which one gets hollered at you. i've transitioned through life as a childhood bully victim, to overweight kinda-cute young adult, to thin "hot" older adult, and back to middle aged dumpy lady. most of these years i've lived in the ghetto where roaming gangs are like, constant. learning to NOT look like a victim has saved my ass MANY times. i'm really leery of saying so, but there have been times that turning to face the group and threatening physical violence has saved me. it's more trouble than they wanted most of the time... they wanna scare you, but they don't want the cops looking for them for retaliating over something stupid as getting their face slashed by a sharp set of keys. most of the time they aren't looking for a physical confrontation, they're just looking for the rush of making somoene fear them and run away. mkay that was my safety tangent. being the victim of bullying is not your fault, or anyone else's. but there are things you can do to minimize your chances of being hurt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 You've posted with issues about other people and your paranoia before. As we've all said, no one is immune from bullying when out in public, some people are less of a target but there is nothing significant about you that makes you a target and not others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anna Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Bullying happens to everyone, tommy. I am much more likely to get hassled and annoyed by people when I am at the lower weight range, and slightly hypo. I'm not sure why this happens, really. But that seems to make me a target to get hit on/annoyed/targeted in some way, usually by guys, which, as I am married and not interested, is not appealing to me in any way, shape, or form. In fact, at times, having been targeted in violent ways due to my "attractive" appearance and untreated sx early in my life including a RAPE, no, I do not enjoy. So please note that bullying/targeting is not limited to one group or another. If you have the feeling that you are ALWAYS targeted in certain situations, and in certain manners, you may wish to look at your own behaviors. For example, when I am hypo, I dress DOWN deliberately, avoid eye contact, and do other things to minimize these interactions. I'm not saying what is happening to you is RIGHT or FAIR, or even that it is NOT happening to you, but perhaps you may want to look at underlying causes as it bothers you so much. Additionally, you may need a medication adjustment so your behaviors do not cause you to stand out. It may not be your general appearance, but more your behaviors, or your attitude. There is a good book on this..... "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker. It is written to teach you skills to avoid being targeted. mainly for women actually, but the advice really would apply to everyone. You might want to check it out. It helped me develop confidence and an attitude of "DO not BOTHER me" including my body language, my behaviors, and even where I stand on the street, and things like that. It is very helpful. Also, take a self defense course. It will give you confidence. Anna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Becks Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 Maybe....just maybe.....the girl in the sunglasses kicked their asses before for picking on her! In all seriousness though, bullying is NOT prejuedice at all. I was bullied horrible in school and as a result I ditched school on a daily basis and then eventually quit in the middle of my 11th grade year. Oh and I've never weighed more than 98 pounds soaken wet in high school. I let those people define who I was gonna be instead of ignoring them and doing something with my life to prove them all wrong about me. My oldest son is 16 years and a twig like me. Last Friday we had him at the ER, he was terribly depressed because he was being bullied so bad in school. My 10 year old, who's shorter than me and weighs more than me has yet to be bullied and the kids flock to him. So.....I really don't think being bullied has anything to do with someone's weight/gender/looks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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