arghhhh! Where do I fit in? it appears everywhere!

[acquiring labels daily]

So I started my search for help almost 3 years ago when I became seriously depressed. I mean seriously. I couldn't seem to find a reason to stay alive anymore, but wasn't really motivated to do anything to die. My 25 y/o sister had been diagnosed with advanced colon cancer, my dad had suffered a heart attack and a stroke, and I was at the end of my rope.

At first I went to my regular doc. I didn't tell her that I was suicidal. I wasn't that crazy. I just told her that I was depressed and thought I needed meds. She started me on Celexa. 2 months later I was no better. We switched meds to Paxil which had helped with anxiety when I was in college. 2 months later I was actually worse. I now knew how I could kill myself when and if I chose to do so. I told my doc that I was having suicidal thoughts, but denied a plan. Again, not that crazy. We switched to Effexor and she told me to start looking for a therapist from a list that she gave me.

I went to see one of the people that she recommended, but we didn't hit it off. She wanted to hospitalize me though by the time I saw her the effexor was having some effect and I wasn't currently planning to hurt myself. But i also wasnt ready to get rid of my stockpile of pills.

She couldn;t commit me against my will, but she couldn;t talk me into going voluntarily or going into a partial hospitalization program.

She diagnosed me with PTSD because of my shitty childhood, but refused to see me further because I wouldn;'t comply with her plan.

It took me four months to find anyone else to see me because of the holidays, but then I started seeing my current pdoc. He never said a word about PTSD, but agreed that I was depressed and continued the effexor.

At the age of 40 he diagnosed me with ADHD. Also social anxiety.

Before my last appointment, a year and a half into treatment, my drug regimen was Intuniv 3mg, Effexor 300mg, Buspar 200am, 300pm; and klonopin 0.5mg prn.

Then he started talking about bipolar features. Not enough for a full diagnosis of bipolar II, mind you, but maybe we should think about Lamictal to level out moods, especially as I have had so much treatment resistant depression.

Honestly I have been worried about a bipolar diagnosis all along.....but shouldn;t some of the other diagnoses go away sometimes? It just doesn;t seem fair to keep accumulating them

And the suicidal thoughts never really go away. They just move to the background. During one particularly good time I used up my stockpile, but that didn't last. At some point I should come clean about that. I will say that I have never had an attempt

I will stop here. That should be enough as an introduction. Do you think I fit in? lololol........

[saveyoursanity]

Yep, I'm familiar with the revolving door of more diagnoses. My pdoc is pretty firmly against calling me bipolar but I started out with depression, and quickly added PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder, and probable ADHD too. So your story reads very familiarly to me!

[Guest Vapourware]

Hai and welcome. I think a lot of us have gone through the revolving door of dxs. In the past I've had Major Depressive Disorder, Bipolar II, Bipolar with Psychotic Features, Social Anxiety next to my name, and Borderline Personality Disorder was considered as a prospect but was never officially added. I've also had PTSD suggested to me, although I was never completely convinced.

Officially, I have two labels and I'm fairly satisfied that they are adequate in describing my symptoms and therefore can help offer directions to professionals as to what I need.

I think it would be a good idea to talk to someone about the suicidal ideation. Basically, if your treatment team doesn't know about it, then they can't help you. I can understand the anxiety that comes with talking about it with your providers, but unless you are very, very, acutely suicidal - you're not going to be forced into hospital. As long as you can guarantee your own safety, of course. From my experience, providers tend not to want to involuntarily commit someone into the hospital unless it's a last resort.

[katerina]

Welcome Acquiring. I have had multiple dx's since the beginning of time. Well not really but what I found out with me was that they do note the history of it if you go on a new med that might bring it up. But once the symtoms are gone it tends not to come up again discussion-wise, so in the records it will be in your past most likely if you have a new description/cause for the same symptoms. For me, I am my new diagnosis--ADHD. We keep an eye on my other one which is somewhat separate but we don't talk about my past G.A.D. as if that is what my racing thoughts are about currently.

And the suicidal thoughts never really go away. They just move to the background. During one particularly good time I used up my stockpile, but that didn't last. At some point I should come clean about that. I will say that I have never had an attempt

If you are safe now or mentally know you won't go that far currently you shouldn't get too much of a hassle for admitting an attempt or even current suicidal thoughts. Different docs have different approaches but for most of my therapists and psychiatrists it wasn't an issue when I brought it up. They know how to tell where you are on the likelihood spectrum. I think that maybe your sister and fathers health situation could have taken your otherwise not too much of a worry rating to a giant warning sign though.

For me, I had attempted a few times and I had a very serious plan. Literally fool proof. I made it clear I wouldn't go that far even when I did think about it from time to time. If you feel you are on the fence with the safety issue, I still think you are more likely not going to be admitted. But be open especially about these things in order to receive the best help , if you need a new doc to feel more comfortable about being open about this issue though then do it! You want to make sure you find people who are at least somewhat compatible so the communication and understanding can be better.