acquiring labels daily Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 So I started my search for help almost 3 years ago when I became seriously depressed. I mean seriously. I couldn't seem to find a reason to stay alive anymore, but wasn't really motivated to do anything to die. My 25 y/o sister had been diagnosed with advanced colon cancer, my dad had suffered a heart attack and a stroke, and I was at the end of my rope. At first I went to my regular doc. I didn't tell her that I was suicidal. I wasn't that crazy. I just told her that I was depressed and thought I needed meds. She started me on Celexa. 2 months later I was no better. We switched meds to Paxil which had helped with anxiety when I was in college. 2 months later I was actually worse. I now knew how I could kill myself when and if I chose to do so. I told my doc that I was having suicidal thoughts, but denied a plan. Again, not that crazy. We switched to Effexor and she told me to start looking for a therapist from a list that she gave me. I went to see one of the people that she recommended, but we didn't hit it off. She wanted to hospitalize me though by the time I saw her the effexor was having some effect and I wasn't currently planning to hurt myself. But i also wasnt ready to get rid of my stockpile of pills. She couldn;t commit me against my will, but she couldn;t talk me into going voluntarily or going into a partial hospitalization program. She diagnosed me with PTSD because of my shitty childhood, but refused to see me further because I wouldn;'t comply with her plan. It took me four months to find anyone else to see me because of the holidays, but then I started seeing my current pdoc. He never said a word about PTSD, but agreed that I was depressed and continued the effexor. At the age of 40 he diagnosed me with ADHD. Also social anxiety. Before my last appointment, a year and a half into treatment, my drug regimen was Intuniv 3mg, Effexor 300mg, Buspar 200am, 300pm; and klonopin 0.5mg prn. Then he started talking about bipolar features. Not enough for a full diagnosis of bipolar II, mind you, but maybe we should think about Lamictal to level out moods, especially as I have had so much treatment resistant depression. Honestly I have been worried about a bipolar diagnosis all along.....but shouldn;t some of the other diagnoses go away sometimes? It just doesn;t seem fair to keep accumulating them And the suicidal thoughts never really go away. They just move to the background. During one particularly good time I used up my stockpile, but that didn't last. At some point I should come clean about that. I will say that I have never had an attempt I will stop here. That should be enough as an introduction. Do you think I fit in? lololol........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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