What am I like without an SSRI?

[leadinglady]

I have been on SSRIs (mostly Paxil) since I was 17. I am 34. I have not been off of an SSRI since. I was told at 17 I'd probably need Paxil for the rest of my life by a nurse practitioner. So ever since then I've been on it. I initially went on it because I had irritable bowel syndrome and they thought anxiety exacerbated it, so they put me on Paxil to try to make it better so I could go to school because I was missing a lot.

IBS turned into anxiety disorder turned into depression turned into bipolar turned into mood disorder turned into borderline personality... you get the picture.

I don't know how I was BEFORE I had an SSRI. What is life like NOT on something screwing with my brain chemistry? Would I be less anxious? Less depressed? Are the side effects from years and years of Paxil why I feel like shit and not just because I feel like shit? I've been on every medication out there and nothing has changed. I've been in therapy for 20 years. Don't feel any different.

So is it time to try a period without it? Weaning off it to see how I really actually feel? What if I am not even as depressed or anxious as I think I am underneath the medication? I feel like I don't even KNOW what my symptoms are anymore because every time I have one, they medicate it with something, then when I get another one, they medicate that. I want off the medication rollercoaster. if I'm gonna be crazy, I want to just be crazy.

Am I nuts for wanting to see what life is like without an SSRI?

[Blue Morpho]

I don't think it is nuts to want to know - but for me at least, the experiment was not a good one. I was having a hard time finding a good pdoc. I moved, and had issues getting to appointments. The first two pdocs I found were not good, openly rude, and eventually all that and the side effects made me decide it was time to see if I could cope without the SSRI. I took myself off of my meds for about a year, and that precipitated one of the worst depressions I've ever had. Now, after about another three years of therapy and meds, I'm doing okay. I'm not in a hurry to try life without them for some time to come.

[treklexa]

I don't think you're nuts for being curious about going off an SSRI. I'm currently on Zoloft and it is the only SSRI I've been on. Personally, I can't wait to taper off of it! As far being medicated in general, though... I don't want to go back to my life pre-Lamictal days.

[Anna]

Well, you aren't on a "ton" of meds, you are on two ADs and a sleep aid as needed. You could certainly stop the paxil but you are at risk for worse depression. Do be aware that paxil is one of the more effective SSRIs out there and it generally does not work as well or at all the second time around. That said, there are a lot of other ADs to try.

Again, that decision would be between you and your treatment team, but given the length of time and lack of remission in your symptoms despite years of therapy and a single high dose SSRI, you might want to look at DIFFERENT med options, particularly if you were dx BP at one point and you actually are and all the AD action is making you more unstable, not less.

Anna

[Velvet Elvis]

The problem with going off a med, particularly one you've been on so long, is that you'll likely experience rebound symptoms for up to several months after you quit taking it. Your depression and anxiety will likely come back worse than they were before you started taking the med. If you're on something else to control those symptoms you may be fine. Going from medicated to unmedicated after that much time could cause a lot of problems. You could wind up suicidal.

Note that wellbutrin can make anxiety worse when not taken in conjunction with something else to even out the side effects.

[saveyoursanity]

Note that wellbutrin can make anxiety worse when not taken in conjunction with something else to even out the side effects.

This has been my experience with high doses of Wellbutrin.

[leadinglady]

My concentration is bad, so the pdoc added Wellbutrin thinking it may help if it's adult ADHD. I don't think the anxiety is super bad... my moods aren't even really unstable. I think I'm just overwhelmed and don't have enough time to relax. I actually think therapy is annoying and am sick of it. After doing it for 20 years and seeing no real improvement, I'm cynical about therapy in general now. I think writing in a journal would be more effective for me, though I never seem to follow through with that. :/ I am worried about getting worse and not better...but I'm also wondering what symptoms are real and which are side effects. I hate the "just-in-case" medicating.

[jt07]

I cannot presume to tell you what to do, but I can relate what has happened to me in the past year. I had been taking citalopram (Celexa) for over 5 years. I got it into my head that it wasn't helping me anymore, so I asked my doctor to switch me to Paxil which she did. Big mistake. Giant mistake. I began to get worse and worse. Finally I got off the Paxil and onto Remeron, but I still was getting worse. Then last month I asked to go back on citalopram. Since then I've been feeling much better. So I guess the moral of my story is that if you find a med that works for you, beware of going off of it.

[leadinglady]

Good point. I have been on just about every other medication out there (save for a few new ones)..SSRIs, mood stabs, AAPs, benzos, atypicals...always end up back to Paxil because they say Paxil is "the strongest SSRI" there is. I just wonder if this fog will lift if I'm not medicated, I guess. That constant hope that things HAVE to get better somehow, that derealization thing where you feel disconnected from the world and feel like the way you feel can't be how you really feel. I think I question my feelings too much instead of just letting myself feel. I have BPD, so I feel emotionally numb to everything as it is. I'm just wondering if the Paxil is contributing to that numbness and would the BPD be better without it. I guess that's what I'm getting at.