Wayne G. Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 I was diagnosed "bipolar" by 2 LCSW's and a psychiatrist all on three separate occasions. I'm trying to read stuff about bipolar so i can relate, identify with, and own this disorder because right now everything I've read describing it doesn't seem to fit me, therefore I'm having trouble accepting, owning it. I mean, I know all three can't be wrong, but I just don't see how I can relate to it, specifically the MANIA part. I cAn definitely get down with the depression and say, "yeah, that's me." but with the mania part, not so much. Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jt07 Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Hi, and welcome to the forums! There are quite a few members with bipolar disorder, and I'm sure that they will be of more help than I am, but if I understand correctly, not all bipolar has full-blown mania. You can get hypomania which can manifest itself even as irritability. I think that Bipolar I is the one with full-blown mania while Bipolar 2 is more hypomania. I look forward to your posts, and I think you will find a lot of information and support here. Welcome, again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenix_Rising Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 not all bipolar has full-blown mania. You can get hypomania which can manifest itself even as irritability. I think that Bipolar I is the one with full-blown mania while Bipolar 2 is more hypomania. I have BPII and have never experienced a "classic" mania (ie: grandiose thinking, euphoria, etc.) Try discussing it with one of the LCSWs or the pdoc and see what they have to say. In any case, welcome to CB! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Emperor Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Welcome to the boards! I cannot speak to the bipolar shit because I'm just, well, SOME kind of basket case, but I wanted to say hello and also let you know that there are plenty of bipolar people here and a whole lot of people to relate to. I hope you like it here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wayne G. Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 Yes, I can definitely relate to irritability, frustration, edginess, lack of patience, anxiousness- or I guess that'd be anxiety, impulsivity. I experience these most of the time. I am in a depressive state right now. It sounds like hypomania to me, but all three told me they thought I was type 1. One of them explained that mixed episodes, which is what she thought I had, was never in type 2 and hypomania (which is what, if anything, i can see having) was never in type 1. So I feel like I'm somewhere in no mans land and at this point I'm just wondering if maybe I have something different than the diagnosis, especially since the only two times I had a manic episode was when I was on prednisone and the other time snorting Ritalin for two or three days straight with a total of 4 or 6 hours sleep. I am drug and alcohol free and have been for 9 years now, in AA. All the therapists said I was self-medicating at the time. Oh, I got the ritalin from a dr who diagnosed me with ADHD at 26 years old, all 3 therapists agree with that diagnosis, as do I. I will NOT take a stimulant for that now and gladly accept the difficulties pertaining thereto. My main concern at this point is being able to relate and own that condition much in the way that I have owned and accepted my alcoholism and drug addiction. There's a history there that I will gladly share but see no benefit of rabbit holing with that right now. Once I bought the package of drug addiction and alcoholism, I could see the hopelessness and utility of living without being treated. Therefore I surrendered and accepted and willingly worked and continue to do so on myself pertaining to those conditions. So I say all that to say this, I have not bought into this bipolar thingy yet and desperately desire to do o if that's what I have. I struggle with the idea that everyone has irritability at times ad perhaps that's just a part of my type A personality coupled ith ADHD. The meds I'm on are 200mg lamictal, 150mg effeor xr, 80mg strattera, and just started ability and am at 1/2 of a 2mg pill, progressing to 5mg over the next month. Ive been on these meds for a year. I just lost my job for inappropriate behavior. I told an inappropriate 1 line joke and the wrong ears heard it. Right after I said it, I covered my mouth and thought, I wish I hadn't said that. My wife who is an LCSW told me she thought that this was directly related to my condition. She also told me that I was hearing accusations, blame, and criticism from her when none has been intended. she furthermore told me that a skewed perception was part of the condition. That scares the he'll out of me as it presupposes that I cannot rely on my on judgment. I'm just really confused at this point and desperately want to trust and believe their diagnosis. For dome reason that seems necessary. I have an appt with a Psychologist on Monday and I'm going to share all this with him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wayne G. Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 My iPad is trying to be nice and correct word it doesn't understand. "utility" above should be "futility." "ability" medication is "abilify" thank you all for your warm welcomes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WinterRosie Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Hi Wayne - saw you in chat! Take a look around the forums, as well, and maybe we'll see you in chat again. Even if you don't have much to say it's a good place to hang out - sometimes I even learn something! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
breezy Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 We're here to help. Welcome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hallowedink Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Welcome to CB. I hope you find the support you need. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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