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Loosing my lurker status

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This is copied and pasted straight off the "about me" part of my profile but I'm officially coming out of lurkerville to say hi to you all. And to say thanks for all your candor. You help me a lot.

I'm a long time sober recovering alcoholic. When I quit drinking, my "issues" were finally unmasked. I went into and stayed in a cycle of depression so low that a "normal" depression was the "up" part of my cycle. Antidepressants would perk me up but would stop working within a month. I kinda miss those a little bit. You shoulda seen how clean my house would get!

Racing thoughts would NOT shut off in my head. Sleep? Are you kidding? There was either no sleep for days or days of nothing but sleep. That's exhausting!

Suicidal thoughts and plans eventually had me desperate to find a pdoc. Something HADDA give! I could not imagine spending the next 20 years in my PJs and parked in front of this computer.

I've spent the last 50 years feeling "different". And have just recently been diagnosed with BP2. Lamictal 100 BID is helping in a lotta ways. But I'm having my first slide backwards since beginning the med and I'm scared to loose the progress made so far. So even though I've been reading all your posts for a couple of months now, I've decided to join you. Cuz, well? There just might be strength in numbers…. I hope

ps… I'm a chat junkie from way back so don't be surprised to see me in chat

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Hi, birdee, and welcome to our happy can of nuts. I think it's really great that you are staying sober, which must be hard when you're in the black pit of depression. If you stick with your pdoc, and get your meds adjusted from time to time, I bet the two of you will be able to find a good combination for you.

In addition to chat, be sure to check out the blogs. It's a good place to vent, bitch about your family, ask questions about why you feel the way you feel, etc.

Be sure to read the rules and let us know if we can help you in any way.


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awwww … Well THANK YOU everybody! Both for the words of welcome AND encouragement. Lemme wave real quick to the chatroom folks I met yesterday… WAVE WAVE! :)

I'm really looking forward to getting to know you… and maybe… just maybe sharing more encouragements with each other.

Ironically, I actually had what I perceive as a major kind of break thru last night after crawling into bed. Which was that some suppressed childhood memories… from abuse… came flooding in like someone turned a huge spotlight on em… BAM! There they were. And even though the memories caused a lot of personal distress… and crying… and sobbing… and actually talking out loud to my inner child with empathy and promises that the "bad man" can't hurt her anymore… I'm thinking it's a good thing when that kind of darkness is exposed to light. I mean really… have you ever been afraid of things that go bump in THE LIGHT??? Just doesn't happen. And THAT… I can work with

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