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Hi my name is jordan and I have been struggling with self harm. It sames that I can't stop.No matter how hard I try to stop it ends up doing it over again.After many hospital stays of overdose,suicide and self harm. I can't stop.I am 27 years old. I have black and white thoughts,bouts of anger,When I don't get it my way I throw a temper.I can't tolerate being bored,get bored easily,mood swings,binge eating. What could it be I really don't know why I do it.But my behavior can get me into trouble. By not listening to the rules.I am rebellious and go against rules. I don't know what personality is cuasing these symptoms. But I also have stormy agruements.Please respond if you surely care.Also attention seeking behavior I can overract. I don't mean to get all emotional but its totally out of control. Is there a condition for this? Cause I got many personality traits. I don't know what to do. I always play the victim saying its their fault that I am this way.I also have ups where I'm on top of the world to down in the gutters. I can't stand being bored.

Edited by TormentedLoner
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Welcome to the CB!

We can't diagnose here. But you SI, and that's unmistakeable. Do you believe you have a personality disorder? Do you have a pdoc or therapist, someone who can diagnose you and treat you properly?

Best of luck!

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Hey, Jordan. Welcome aboard. Bri was right, we can't diagnose you here, but we'll definitely do our best to help you through. When you've been in the hospital, did they have you in the psych ward? If nothing else, that would have been the bare bones of beginning treatment. And I'm afraid successful treatment will require some adherence to rules, because if you don't follow the suggestions from a therapist or pdoc, it's really hard to start moving forward. I know. I tried.

Have you tried keeping a journal for when you SI? I'm really bad about keeping it up, but it was homework from my therapist. It's supposed to help identify why I'm feeling it necessary to SI, and sometimes helps figure out the specific triggers. If you try it, you might also want a journal to keep track of your moods and anger outbursts. I'm suggesting this because, to my thinking(and I could be wrong, I just woke up) if you know what causes the issues that you're concerned about, it will be easier to find ways to help yourself get past the behavior and move forward.

For your boredom, have you got any hobbies to keep you busy? If you exercise, is it always the same routine? We're creatures of habit, but things will inevitably get dull if you don't shake things up a little. For a really random example, say you build model cars, exercise, read books, and watch movies. If you do the same activity the same day every week, you can definitely get bored with it. But say you alternate days, and switch your exercise routine from cardio to weights, and within that working different sections of your body each day, it gets a little easier to keep things up. I didn't do that, and fell out of the habit of going to the gym within five months.

I hope you like the forum, and find the support you want to feel better. I do suggest at least a therapist, they can help you figure out the behaviors that concern you better than any of us here can. And remember the chat; sometimes it's helpful to my moods to be in chat and join in the utter randomness that is usually there. Have a good night and take care.

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We can't diagnose you. If you think you have a personality disorder, then you have to speak to a psychiatrist about it. Not diagnosing you at all, I will say that some of what you describe does corresspond with what people say about personality disorders. However, I wouldn't get hung up on that diagnosis - it could be anything.

At any rate, for most of what you described (self-harm, overdosing) the only treatment is therapy. So I would look into getting into therapy asap. If you have DBT therapy in your area, try to go for that. It sounds like you could find it quite useful.

Lastly, at risk of sounding harsh, I would like to say that you are not going to be treated or taken seriously if you don't conform to what your doctors suggest. In essence, you need to follow the rules. Rebelling is all very well, but you have to actually listen to your therapist, or you won't get better. Likewise, most people who are obviously attention seeking tend to attract the wrong kind of attention. Like being sectioned (or whatever the American equivalent is) or attracting the attention of the law. You need to watch out.

So, to conclude, go see a doctor and get into therapy. That's your best avenue of recovery. And remember that the people here at CB are always happy to listen and give advice.

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