girlwanderer Posted December 13, 2011 Share Posted December 13, 2011 Hello everyone! I'm a 22 year old college senior currently in Western Massachusetts but from New York City. I found this board on Google and thought it would be a good idea to talk to other people facing similar issues as me. My first bout with depression started back in Fall 2006, my senior year of high school, when I felt unhappy because people who I thought were my friends weren't (those "friends" would call me ugly names like whore, ho, and slut behind my back. It got bad where one friend felt that her boyfriend was eyeing me so she put me in "my place" by slut shaming me as well as saying racist comments to me). It got to the point where I got so depressed I thought about killing myself and my grades started slipping. Once my close friend, who also had issues with depression and anxiety and attempted suicide prior to starting high school told my guidance counselor I went to therapy. Initially, I started therapy without being prescribed medication because no psychiatrist under my mom's insurance would take on a 16 year old patient. I started taking medication about 2 years ago. I started off with Wellburtin which was okay at first but I later found it to not be as effective as it first was. After last year at school did my medication change to Zoloft which made me feel nauseous and have horrible headaches. The psychiatrist at my school said that I should stick to Zoloft and that the benefits outweighed the cons leading me to go to a psychiatrist back home in Brooklyn. I tried Ativan (0.5 MG) but stopped and was put on Lexapro (10MG). I'm still taking it but I feel hopeless. Even with taking the medication, I don't feel like I'm able to do the work required in my classes. Sometimes, it gets bad to the point that I can't leave my dorm room for days except for food and to use the bathroom. Some days taking a shower and going to one class takes a lot of energy out of me. My sleep pattern is fucked up. My friends make fun of me because I always mention how tired I feel or because I was a no show to my classes. I feel like a ultra failure in school, friends, and life in general. My boyfriend and my family tell me otherwise but I can't help feeling that way. I can't help thinking about the people who hurt me back in high school everyday. I sometimes want to give up on trying anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueandgray Posted December 13, 2011 Share Posted December 13, 2011 Welcome! You always have friends here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hallowedink Posted December 13, 2011 Share Posted December 13, 2011 Welcome. It sounds like you've been through a lot. I was also bullied at school, and I understand where you're coming from - it's horrible. It's only natural that you feel traumatised. That kind of thing is hard to let go of. I hope that you are able to be comfortable here despite those experiences. And you are definitely not a failure. You're ill; it's not your fault, and it certainly doesn't make you a failure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rowan77 Posted December 13, 2011 Share Posted December 13, 2011 Hello and welcome to CB!! It's a friendly and supportive community. Hope you feel at home here!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thomas Posted December 13, 2011 Share Posted December 13, 2011 I was never bullied in HS because I'm a big guy. I am, however, ashamed that I didn't stop it when I saw someone else getting bullied. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
breezy Posted December 13, 2011 Share Posted December 13, 2011 I was bullied as well. Hello and welcome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
girlwanderer Posted December 14, 2011 Author Share Posted December 14, 2011 Thank you everyone. I never really thought I was bullied but maybe I was. I just figured I just had a habit of picking horrible friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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