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discomposed

discomposed

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Hi there,

I'm Tanya. 28yr old female. BC Canada.

To explain my diagnoses I have to go off on a bit of a novel I suppose.

I was originally diagnosed with MDD back in 2001. I ended up in hospital earlier this year, they put me on Seroquel and when I went off it I had some funky backwards response that a psychiatrist I was sent to insisted on coining as hypomania, resulting in a diagnosis of Bipolar II. I left him, he annoyed me, and made sure a new family doctor I obtained well understood that it was not hypomania and it was back to MDD. When I went super-depressed again he put me on Prozac, I turned manic, ended up in hospital again and was then coined Bipolar I. Thing is, as you should be seeing, both were related to a medication, and at that it's still seeming odd to me because I'd been on numerous anti-depressants before Prozac without ending up with an elevated mood (Effexor, Celexa, Zoloft, Wellbutrin, Cipralex and Trazodone, in that order). So the new psychiatrist I have, after talking with me about it, said I suffered from Dysthymia but that he wanted me on a mood stabilizer to be safe. Except then in our last visit he referred to me as being bipolar again when prescribing Risperidone, so now I'm not entirely sure what I am and I'm not sure I want to know and I'd very much disagree so it's pointless, though it does irk me that there's this whole feeling that he may be being less than honest with me. Makes me want to refuse all my meds and kick up a fuss, but I'm not and won't, that never goes well.

I was also diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder in 2001, and a diagnosis of Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia was added this summer.

I can rarely leave the house on my own, and only to see my doctor or psychiatrist down the street. Very rarely I can muster up the courage to take the one and only bus that doesn't cause me to freak out, ride it uptown, but I can't ride it back home so mum has to pick me up. Otherwise, I have to have my mum with me just in case I have a panic attack. When I do have a panic attack my vision changes and I find it difficult, very difficult, to move, so she kind of serves as my guide dog veering me into a safe corner so I can calm down.

Right now I'm kind of a globular mess. Therapist suggests hospital, dude I'm not putting myself in the hospital right now, that'd ruin my mum's Christmas and I refuse to be the cause of that. Not to mention, I think three trips through psych emerg in a year is enough, I can't take any more of that, I don't care how bad I may be I don't want to be back there again.

So that's my story I guess, the short version.

So, hi :)

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