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so hey yall this will be my 1st post I have read this forum for around 5-6 months but anyways her is my story and maybe some of you all can help me figure out what I have....it all started with skunk weed "the purps" if anyone wants to know the specific strain or watever.....so I toke like 12 hits and I was really really high at first I got a pleasant happy feeling then I got up and started walking around and I noticed that the room started moving and my vision would like skip frames and I panicked and told the friend I was smoking with about it and he sayed to just calm down and that I was just high but I felt like running away so bad....so that happened and I saw things like you would when you go to a 3d movie all super close and the background far away......anyways I just waited it out came back home and went to bed and the next day I got up and was fine at first but then I noticed it felt like I was still high so I had work and I noticed I would get really racy and panicky at work and I felt like the world still looked like it did when I was high and stuff....i was freaking out as u can imagining I thought I had got brain damage somehow...till later I learned about people getting depersonalization from weed and that it was quite common so I was a bit relieved....got tested with eeg, cat scan, mri the works and everything came back normal.....but stil I felt lioke I was in a dream so I just said to myself this is probably temporary and I will get over it and toke time off work to let my mind recover and I didnt go to work for like 2-3 months and I exercised aswell...so I returned to work and I felt crazier than ever I couldnt connect with my work friends like I used to it was like I had some kind of mental block between me and them that I couldnt crack ...I went to get thearopy and was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder..and I would get this attacks where I felt like I was losing control of my mind and I couldnt focus on the present and my senses would be heightened for those brief moments which would never last for any longer than 30 seconds tops.....I thought they might be some kind of panick attack but I dont know wtf those were....so the dp and dr persisted and I got such bad anxiety at work that I had to quit my job and out of the depression and worthless feeling of not having a job my mind started racing uncontrollably...(well not really uncontrollably cause I could bring myself back down by running and exrcise) so I did the next was go the medication route...my psychiatrist saw my present racy mind and told me I was hipomanic even though I didnt feel happy at all....I felt scared and miserable...she perscribed me saphris and xanax ..but told me that xanax I should only take for one week.....so I did and at first I felt instant great relief....but after that one week when I went without xanax I got the worst week of racing thoughts ever I coudnt think straight I was very jittery....so she put me back on xanax but I felt like I zombie and I noticed I was so dulled out on saphris I couldnt even socialize right with my friends....so I was put on geadon and it at first made me feel even crazier like it amplified my derealization....and I tapper up to 60 mg and felt like absolute shit plus I read that antipsychotics cause brain damage so I decided to take myself to only 20 mg of geodon....then the racing thoguhts and even this odd fear feeling of statues and posters and such came so I got myself back on geodon 60mg and I told her this and now I felt even anxious when I was on geodon and my head would hurt and I had the same disconnection..even though I was on medication....was wasnt the cause before I had my withdrawal...at the end of my time with geodon I felt even paranoid like someone was looking at me all the time or something and I was suspicious that people were talking about me behind my back but not that bad it was copable..so I was most recently put on latuda 80 mg and I felt fine execpt the slight dullness which I absolutely hate with a passion....and around 2 months went by and I was fine and I got tired of the dullness and tolled my phychiatrist about my complaint with the dullness and she lowered my dosage to 60 mg of latuda which somehow made me more dull and made my anxiety feeling come back and head aches come back as well...and I also my paranoia didnt return but i felt more like If someone would do something to anger me I would take it more personally and be more anger than I normally would be....and now to were I am now....I must state that I have a deep fear of schizophrenia and developing it.... so yesterday our manager at my new work had a meeting about us not doing so well at out jobs in terms of our sales were down and I just suddenly felt like he looked like a weird monster or something and I panicked and it felt like that time I got paranoia but I really didnt have paranoia at that time.....and later I went home and i was watching some video about effexor and the lady seemed like a little troll her self...mind you I didnt hallucinate it I didnt really see them like trolls or anything like that or monsters but they gave me this weird vibe that they seemed like straight from a scary momvie or something and while I was eating food last night my food aswell seemed like wierd or something like it looked brighter and seemed like this bunk even though it was regular food....so I went back up to 80 mg of latuda imediately and this is where I am now any helpful advice or suggestions as to what it is that I have qould be appreciated as I am tired of this and the meds I hate cause they make me feel so dull...thanks for reading my long and complicated ass story lol please reaspond!

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Yeah I gotta agree with NF, I can't make it through your post unfortunately as I just can't cope with huge wall of text with no paragraph breaks...sorry.

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If you can edit your post, by pressing the ENTER key twice after a few lines of text or after each sbject change within your text, I can guarantee you that you will recieve many more useful responses to your post :)

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so hey yall this will be my 1st post I have read this forum for around 5-6 months but anyways her is my story and maybe some of you all can help me figure out what I have....it all started with skunk weed (the purps" if anyone wants to know the specific strain or watever).....so I toke like 12 hits and I was really really high at first I got a pleasant happy feeling then I got up and started walking around and I noticed that the room started moving and my vision would like skip frames and I panicked and told the friend I was smoking with about it and he sayed to just calm down and that I was just high but I felt like running away so bad...and I saw things like you would when you go to a 3d movie all super close and the background far away......anyways I just waited it out came back home and went to bed and the next day I got up and was fine at first but then I noticed it felt like I was still high

so I had work and I noticed I would get really racy and panicky at work and I felt like the world still looked like it did when I was high and stuff....i was freaking out as u can imagining I thought I had got brain damage somehow...till later I learned about people getting depersonalization from weed and that it was quite common so I was a bit relieved....got tested with eeg, cat scan, mri the works and everything came back normal.....but still I felt like I was in a dream so I just said to myself this is probably temporary and I will get over it and toke time off work to let my mind recover and I didnt go to work for like 2-3 months and I exercised aswell...

so I returned to work and I felt crazier than ever I couldnt connect with my work friends like I used to it was like I had some kind of mental block between me and them that I couldnt crack ...I went to get thearopy and was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder..and I would get this attacks where I felt like I was losing control of my mind and I couldnt focus on the present and my senses would be heightened for those brief moments which would never last for any longer than 30 seconds tops.....I thought they might be some kind of panick attack, but I dont know wtf this stuff really was....

so the dp and dr persisted and I got such bad anxiety at work that I had to quit my job... and out of the depression and worthless feeling of not having a job my mind started racing uncontrollably...(well not really uncontrollably cause I could bring myself back down by running and exrcise)

so I did the next was go the medication route...my psychiatrist saw my present racy mind and told me I was hipomanic even though I didnt feel happy at all....I felt scared and miserable...she perscribed me saphris and xanax ..but told me that i should only take xanax for one week.....so I did and at first I felt instant great relief....but after that one week when I went without xanax I got the worst week of racing thoughts ever I coudnt think straight I was very jittery....so she put me back on xanax but I felt like I zombie and I noticed I was so dulled out on saphris I couldnt even socialize right with my friends...

.so I was put on geadon and it at first made me feel even crazier like it amplified my derealization....and I tapper up to 60 mg and felt like absolute shit plus I read that antipsychotics cause brain damage so I decided to take myself to only 20 mg of geodon....then the racing thoguhts and even this odd fear feeling of statues and posters. pretty much anything with a menacing face I got very fearful of

so I got myself back on geodon 60mg and I told her this and now I felt anxious even when I was on geodon and my head would hurt and I had the same disconnection..even though I was on medication....which wasnt the cause before I had my withdrawal from geodon I felt fine on medication...at the end of my time with geodon I felt even paranoid like someone was looking at me all the time or something and I was suspicious that people were talking about me behind my back but not that bad it was copable..

so I was most recently put on latuda 80 mg and I felt fine execpt the slight dullness which I absolutely hate with a passion....and around 2 months went by and I was fine and I got tired of the dullness and tolled my phychiatrist about my complaint with the dullness and she lowered my dosage to 60 mg of latuda which somehow made me more dull and made my anxiety feeling come back and head aches come back as well...and I also my paranoia didnt return but i felt more like If someone would do something to anger me I would take it more personally and be more anger than I normally would be....

and now to were I am now....I must state that I have a deep fear of schizophrenia and developing it.... so yesterday our manager at my new work had a meeting about us not doing so well at out jobs in terms of our sales were down and I just suddenly felt like he looked like a weird monster or something and I panicked and it felt like that time I got paranoia but I really didnt have paranoia at that time.....and later I went home and i was watching some video about effexor and the lady seemed like a little troll her self...mind you I didnt hallucinate it I didnt really see them like trolls or anything like that or monsters but they gave me this weird vibe that they seemed like straight from a scary momvie or something and while I was eating food last night my food aswell seemed like wierd or something like it looked brighter and seemed like this bunk even though it was regular food....so I went back up to 80 mg of latuda imediately and this is where I am now any helpful advice or suggestions as to what it is that I have qould be appreciated as I am tired of this and the meds I hate cause they make me feel so dull...thanks for reading my long and complicated ass story lol please reaspond!

ok there you guys go I hope I edited well enough for people to reaspond and atleast share their opinion on the matter

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As my pdoc keeps saying- It does no good to be afraid of, or resent specific diagnosis; because you have what you have. In other words, you can't help what is going on in your head. Your diagnosis may continue to evolve as time goes on, but only as your pdoc figures out how to treat you more effectively. What is more important, a label, or an effective treatment for your symptoms?

The biggest piece of advice that I can give you is that you need to stop changing your own dosage of medication because you don't like the side effects. From my reading of your post, you have done that on several occasions without permission from your pdoc, and on some occasions the medication was not as effective when you went back to the original dosage. You need to communicate with your pdoc before making any changes in you medication dosage.

The WALL 'O TEXT was very hard to get through, but I did so because I wanted to get you a response. If you can, please go back and edit your original post to break it up a little bit. It will get you a lot more responses,

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It matters less what you have and more that the meds are treating your symptoms. Unfortunately we do not diagnose here, that is for a doc to do. Don't expect a diagnosis from the get go from a doc. I would give a doc at least 6 months to improve things before looking for another. There should be a med or medications that can treat your symptoms without the dullness. It may take a while to get used to a med and see if the dullness goes away. You have to be willing to put up with side effects initially as many go away with time.

There is a bipolar state called mixed, a mixture of depression and mania. Bipolar can also feature psychosis, with hallucinations. In the end it is what it is so there is no point fighting a specific diagnosis.

Edited by notfred

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Ok, I managed to read through your post by copying it into Microsoft Word and breaking it up.

First of all we don't diagnose people on this site, that's what professionals are for. How long has it been since you've seen your Doctor or Psychatrist? My personal opinion is that they'd be interested in all you've said in your post.

Also from my own personal experience with hypomania (and this is just my personal experience, everyone is different and experiences things differently) you don't have to be "happy" when you're hypomanic (or even Manic I'm guessing), when I become hypomanic, I tend to get what's called Mixed States which for me is alot of anxiety, irritability, grumpiness along with the feeling of restlessness and feeling like having a lot of energy, but at the same time feeling depressed/apathetic.....

I can't give any comments about the medication you've been on as I've never tried any of them, but as with any medications there are side effects and they often differ from person to person.

In my personal experience, I've found being totally honest with your Doctors (telling them everything, even íf it's mortifyingly embarrasing) is the best thing to do. I wrote all of my stuff down in a letter and gave that to my Shrink to read, I found it helped a lot.

I'm not saying that you're not being honest, I'm merely just saying what I've found to be helpful in my own situation.

Maybe you could print out your post & take it with you the next time you see your Doctor???????

I really hope you feel better soon and find some medication/ medication combinations that work for you.

Regards,

Chiaroscuro

Oh and thanks for editing your original post too :)

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momo77 -

No one here is qualified to suggest a diagnosis for you; from your narrative, however, it sounds as though you have a professional who has already diagnosed you, and least enough to reach a conclusion regarding which prescription he or she believes will be effective. Do you feel that you can't or shouldn't trust your doctor's diagnosis at this point? Although you may have first observed your symptoms after using weed, and although its effects may be similar to sensations experienced by persons with certain mental illnesses, cannabis does not itself cause mental illness. Therefore your longer-term symptoms must be the result of something else. If you feel confused or doubtful about your current diagnosis, I would encourage you to address that directly with your doctor on your next visit. Here at Crazyboards we advocate patients being well-informed about their conditions, and active participants in their own care. I'm sure you'll find your doctor willing to explain his or her findings, and the reasons for choosing your current medication.

Also, if you haven't stopped using the weed, consider quitting. It's not going to help your situation.

Cerberus

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yea thanks for the response people i appreciate it ....cerberus I only did weed out of peer pressure and I will never do weed again in my life in fact that time I did do weed was only the 3-4 time I ever did weed...and it REALLY sucks cause I was the most happiest and sucessful person around my age and now im in this f-ing hole that I cant seem to get myself out of ...one question to people that do take anti-psychotics....how do you overcome the emotional bluntness?do you ever? I just dont want to be like this forever and I almost feel that the treatment is almost as bad as the symptoms lol it really sucks my situation

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I don't get dullness from Abilify and I don't think it is a given AP's do this for everybody.

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I take Abilify now and I have taken Risperidone, and I never got any emotional bluntness or dullness from them. SSRI's cause much more emotional blunting for me than the two AAP's I have taken. I think Abilify has enriched my emotions and is helping keep me out of the pit of depression.

If you are experiencing emotional blunting, you need to bring this up with your doctor. Assuming that you need an AP, your doctor has many from which to choose. You just have to find the right one for you.

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how do you overcome the emotional bluntness?

What do you mean by emotional bluntness? Can you give some specific examples?

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I take Seroquel and I've never had any side effect that could be likened to "dullness". I've found it very effective mood-wise.

I also wanted to throw in there that hypomania (possibly mania too, I guess) don't necessarily mean you're happy. When my boyfriend is hypomanic he's very energetic, but also very irritable, and can be quite hurtful to others. He's never described that kind of state as "happy".

Edited by hallowedink

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cerberus I only did weed out of peer pressure and I will never do weed again in my life in fact that time I did do weed was only the 3-4 time I ever did weed...and it REALLY sucks cause I was the most happiest and sucessful person around my age and now im in this f-ing hole that I cant seem to get myself out of ...

Sorry you're having to deal with all this, I know it can seem overwhelming at first. I don't think smoking weed could have caused you to develop a mental illness (MI). There's a general consensus that MI has a genetic basis, and no actions by you could change that. It's like curly hair, your brain was made that way originally. But unlike curly hair that shows up right away, MI often doesn't show up (or at least isn't diagnosed) until a person reaches their teens or twenties, although it can sometimes be earlier, and sometimes later.

Also, a diagnosis (dx) is just a guide for treatment, and so that your psychiatrist (pdoc) can have a code number to put on insurance paperwork. Don't get too hung up on what it's called, but focus on how you're feeling. Most pysch meds take six or eight weeks to have their full effect, and for the side effects to stop. For instance, as I was going up in dose on Lamictal, I would get bad headaches for a few days with every dose increase, but then they stopped.

As others have said, it's best to be straight up with your doctor, otherwise you won't get good treatment. It only hurts you to change doses without your doctor's okay. Dx's often change over time as more symptoms become apparent (look at people's signatures and you'll see what I mean) and there are lots of meds to try, and different combinations of meds that often work better together than one single med.

Welcome to the boards. Sorry you had the need to look us up, but hopefully you'll get some good help here. There are lots of knowledgeable and experienced people here. Sometimes it's a bit of a 'tough love' crowd, but everyone means well.

P.S. Thanks for editing your post for readability. Also you might want to go into your profile and create a signature with your current dx and rx as it will help people give you accurate responses.

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how do you overcome the emotional bluntness?

What do you mean by emotional bluntness? Can you give some specific examples?

i mean not feeling as alive or in the moment....just feeling bored....not connectting emotionally with your friends.....seeming boring to them and seeming retarded to them....not the person you once where when you talk dull etc.

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For some brains, some bipolar brains pot is a very, very bad drug. And I am one of them.

It sets me off into paranoia and increased craziness. From your experience I hope

you stop messing around with it.

It can take some time, even some years, to find the right medications. And there are a LOT

more drugs that you can try. Mood stabilizers as well as AAP's. This is not a sprint,

it is a marathon. So just hang in there and work closely with your doctor. Sometimes

it helps to takes notes into the session to help remember everything you want to say.

When you find the right medication combo it will be a relief. My opinion.

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I take AP and I have never felt 'blunted' from it. In fact I feel the opposite. I used to not have mood changes, but I have gotten my moods back since I went on my Seroquel. Now I don't know if it was the meds that did it, but I feel so much better to have the mood changes. You just have to find the right med for you, and that may take time.

If you are after a dx then the best thing to do is go to your pdoc. I didn't get my dx on the first appointment. But none of us are exactly qualified to give any member a dx, and even if we were then giving a dx over the internet is incredibly difficult. You need to tell your pdoc everything you have told us.

But good on you for giving up the weed. Weed can in some cases exacerbate MI, I think especially if you are already high risk. Though that is more what I have picked up than definite information, so no citation unfortunately.

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