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breezy

Where the hell are all the boyfriends?

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I do kind of have a guy right now, sort of. It's been a three-year-long thing, so I'm not holding my breath, but if I end up going out with anyone, it might be him. We kind of already did. We wanted to make it a date but then just ended up hanging out like normal, so neither of us count it.

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think the 80s was the best time for music

Damn straight they were.

First kisses and first dates aren't all that. They're actually reallllllllly awkward. At least in my (and my friends, from what they've told me) experience.

My first kiss was when I was 15. I was in Sardinia doing work experience with one of my Dad's colleagues. He was 18. He kind of took advantage quite a bit. (Not sexually, just emotionally.) That freaked me out A LOT. My first date was with my current boyfriend. It was very awkward. Kind of like "Hmm, I have a boyfriend now. I've never had a boyfriend before. What do I do? What do I say? What's he looking at me like that for? Why's he holding my hand? What if my hair's a mess? What if he thinks I'm stupid? What if I say something stupid? What if I laugh weirdly? What if I can't talk? What if-- ohgodohgodohgodohgod!"

Don't rush anything, is my advice. Make friends first. Chemistry is all very well, but what you really need to know is if you can be with each other and enjoy your time in between making out and stuff.

I know what you are saying although personally I feel like not rushing things is what got me in this position in the first place.

It is getting the right mix between not spending another few years waiting for ms. right to appear out of nowhere and actively pursuing a relationship almost just for the sake of having a relationship because I know this will only get more awkward as time goes on...

Ms. Right where are you!? :D

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I know what you are saying although personally I feel like not rushing things is what got me in this position in the first place.

It is getting the right mix between not spending another few years waiting for ms. right to appear out of nowhere and actively pursuing a relationship almost just for the sake of having a relationship because I know this will only get more awkward as time goes on...

Ms. Right where are you!? :D

Your alternative is to start dating fairly casually, then make friends with the person and go from there. That's more of what I did, but then we just clicked.

Ms. Right will come along soon enough, I'm sure.

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Speaking as a male, and in my experience from talking to other males, often males can be quite clueless about signals given by females. She may think she is making her interest obvious, but he just CAN'T see it....because to him the signals are too subtle and indirect and oblique. She may then conclude, wrongly, that there is a lack of interest because the guy doesn't respond to her subtleties. And that must be frustrating.

Guys can be really bad about perceiving things that are subtle and indirect and oblique. Sometimes we need a two-by-four to the head to "get the message". I'm not saying this will work in every case, but just something to bear in mind as you interact with our species and if you find the indirect signalling route isn't achieving the desired effect. If you're not getting a response, it may not be due to lack of interest, it may be due to lack of a two-by-four.

Maybe I'm not typical but I've had three relationships, and in two of them, the female was the initial aggressor, she ultimately made her interest obvious and her efforts resulted in an relationship.

Try subtlety first, but if that doesn't work give obviousness a shot to see what happens. It may pay off.

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All I can say is that a bar is most definately not a good place to meet potential lovers unless its a juice bar :P

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Unfortunately I live in a culture (Ireland) where most people meet each other in pubs/bars/night clubs, which I always avoid as they're loud overcrowded places full of people who have had too much to drink. As a result I'm 34 yrs old and have never been on a date. So breezy and Joshy, you have nothing to worry about :P

I did join an internet dating site when I was younger but nothing came of it. I am now at the point where I can honestly say I'm content enough by myself and not particularly worried whether I meet anyone, however occasionally I think about what it would be like to meet someone and fall in love, but right now I'm happy to feel well and don't mind being single

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sometimes forming a friendship with someone first helps because you get to know them, and if you like them you can possibly move further as things progress naturally. The typical dating paradime consists of the guy doing most of the work as far as initiating the relationship if they're interested, so maybe get out there and make more guy friends?

I can't tell you how many times i've started out as friends with a girl and it turned into a good relationship. actually maybe about 5 times. yeah i've only had 5 gfs. have had any in about 5 years. i am a loser and having some catching up to do lol.

all in due time.

anyway yeah, meet some guy friends and let things progress naturally from friendship into who knows what ;)

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Okcupid is a fun site... they have the best personality quizzes! ^_^

As for guys, they are out there, everywhere. My problem is a complete feeling of apathy. I had crushes, then I dated some guys... Then I realized that I kind of like not being in a relationship. I like not having to check up on anyone. And I was never overly interested in sex. So I might be alone, if not forever, for a very long time... And that doesn't trouble me. I don't know if it should, or if I'm an alien, or what.

But, what I have learned from my (brief!) dating life is that you just need to put yourself out there. It is really the only way to do it. Be friendly and be yourself, and if you are feeling very self-conscious, FAKE confidence for the moment -- trust me, he probably won't be able to tell.

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As for guys, they are out there, everywhere. My problem is a complete feeling of apathy. I had crushes, then I dated some guys... Then I realized that I kind of like not being in a relationship. I like not having to check up on anyone. And I was never overly interested in sex. So I might be alone, if not forever, for a very long time... And that doesn't trouble me. I don't know if it should, or if I'm an alien, or what.

There is nothing wrong with this. I definitely prefer the single life, and always have done.

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I met the one who became my husband at church. I met previous ones at school, work, or through friends.

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My first kiss ended in an embarrassing head bonk. Who goes where and are we REALLY going to do this?! Ha! Enjoy this time of your life. It may seem difficult and tragic but later you can look back and ahhh.... Wait... forget that.

BTW safe dating. Meet at a neutral place and bring friends who you can signal (If you like) to get lost or rescue you if he turns out to be a date from hell.

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CB isn't a dating site and I'm not comfortable with personal ads. I'm asking a simple question.

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i'm right here ladies. Just to warn you, if you kiss me, you'll instantly be infused with 3mg clonazepam , black out, and buy 5 subway sandwiches. I'm made of clonazepam. its sort of like that guy where everything he touches turns to gold. everything i touch blacks out on benzos and buys subway.

Completely inappropriate.

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i'm right here ladies. Just to warn you, if you kiss me, you'll instantly be infused with 3mg clonazepam , black out, and buy 5 subway sandwiches. I'm made of clonazepam. its sort of like that guy where everything he touches turns to gold. everything i touch blacks out on benzos and buys subway.

Completely inappropriate.

Thank you.

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My gf moved cross country to be be with a guy she met on a mental health support forum. The asshole dumped her after six months. He was a friend of mine and that's how she ended up stuck with me for the past ten years. What's the worth thing that could happen if you end up dating someone from crazyboards? You could end up with somebody like me.

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I was just kidding guys. come on lighten up. :P I like to shine a little light where theres some sadness and maybe invoke a few smiles.

Edited by Benzoman

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i'm right here ladies. Just to warn you, if you kiss me, you'll instantly be infused with 3mg clonazepam , black out, and buy 5 subway sandwiches. I'm made of clonazepam. its sort of like that guy where everything he touches turns to gold. everything i touch blacks out on benzos and buys subway.

ugh. guy, this sounds like you're a walking roofie. joking is ok, but crossing lines and making people feel uncomfortable is not. don't be a jerk.

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didn't mean to come off as a jerk, just wanted to make people laugh a little if i could. i know this isn't a dating site.i was just trying to joke around a bit, lighten a few moods maybe. Its not like it was explicit. I was simply playing on the benzoman premise. Lets move on with the conversation if we could instead of ruminating on demonizing me for trying to lighten the mood a bit.

My intentions were good to just make some people laugh and lighten up the thread a bit. I do appologie if i offended anyone. I guess I didn't think it through before I posted that my joke would offend some people. i will leave this board and leave you all to your devices as you seem like you'd be better off without me anyway. I can't seem to say anything right anyway, so i might as well hit the dusty trail. And no i'm not trying to create a pitty party.I'm tired of offending you all and don't want to do it any more. I may return one day when I learn the proper social skills to fit in here without stepping on anyones toes.

take care, I really do hope everything works out for you all,

-benz

p.s. continue as you were, don't want to kill the topic with my exit lol.

Edited by Benzoman

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I met my boyfriend in a coffee shop I was working at. He was on vacation, for no real reason either than he was bored. He'd never been there before, he was a province away and he had a day to himself. He met me and proceeded to drink about 5 coffees so he could hang around and talk to me, and he eventually ended up asking me to go to a mall with him. (The mall is a ridiculous spectacle, not a mall, that I was telling him to AVOID at all costs) after I'd spent my entire morning trying to get some last minute presents for a birthday and ran into problem after problem. I literally could not say no- I really needed to go to the mall tomorrow.

We went to the mall, fell head over heels for each other, cried because I had met my dream boy and he didn't even live near, stole him away from his friends for the rest of his vacation, and now almost 3 years later we are still goin' strong. Minus a few bumps in the road. When it's right it's right. Keep your eyes open, be open, and you'll find someone. It's worth waiting for the spark. There's no telling how really. One day you'll just feel something with someone. Mutually.

Before that I'd had crushes and school yard 'boyfriends' but nothing even remotely serious. Never had sex. Never had a real boyfriend, had only been on a few very awkward dates. Which had been an issue for me because I have a very high libido. And social anxiety. And I felt like there was something wrong with me because I was an attractive young woman who was perfectly willing to lose her virginity but no one seemed right and I couldn't make it right. And I wasn't even looking for mr. right at the time to be honest... Just someone to have fun with. I was so sick of waiting.

Dates are nerve racking, it's like an interview. An interview without an escape route. find someone you like and plan to do something casual- go for a walk, grab A drink, go do something stupid and touristy in your own town like I did- save the sit down dinner quarantines for when you know you're into someone. Much less pressure. Plus seeing someone in a static environment doesn't tell you much really.

:Trigger:

I know this goes a bit further than your specific question, but I feel compelled to add it because a friend of mine is in a similar situation and it seemed to help ease her mind. If you are nervous about first kisses, leading into first sexual experiences, etc. etc, one great thing to remember is that the human body was literally made for it. It's not something you need experience for- it's just something you figure out. Maintain open and honest communication throughout, make sure you are comfortable, and your body will figure out the rest. I've always benefited from keeping a very open mind- but never do so at the expense of your own comfort/safety.

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