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my shrink experience

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i've never tried CBT or DBT. not directly anyway. the therapist i've been seeing for many years is very much of a Jungian depth psychology background. this entails lots of dream work, as well as making connections between past experiences and how i view the world through those tainted lenses in my current life, then working on new perspectives. also looking for the meaning in everything, be it dreams, anxiety, depression, disassociation, avoidance, etc. i love this woman very much, and she can frustrate the hell out of me, as i'm sure i do her.

last pdoc was very clinical. 15-20 min sessions every 6 weeks just to check on meds. it felt very empty with him.

after going a year without meds (stupid disastrous decision on my part) i found the rare gem of a pdoc i have now. he's warm, caring, and very reassuring/validating. i get a full hour with him about once a month, more if i need it. med-wise he always gives me choices and encourages my own research so i feel like i have some control, and he's just the facilitator. he seems to have a very buddhist approach (whatever that means) which is my cup of tea. he asks about how my spirits have been. he's encouraging me to look into volunteering somewhere, and always asks if i've been painting.

(i was an art major and stopped painting after i graduated because i was so exhausted and felt like i'd just lost whatever gift i'd had. both my docs really want me to paint again, as do i. i'm just not really feeling it yet. frankly i'm scared. i did some small plant paintings for x-mas gifts. they were impersonal and fun. recently got more supplies, but they're still sitting in the shopping bag. getting warmer...)

early on, 2 years ago or so, i got up the guts to show him a photography project i'd done in school. it consisted of 6 8x10 black and white photos of different parts of my body on which i'd written what my attacker had done and said to me. pdoc asked if he could borrow them to show to his colleagues. i surprised myself by consenting. i realized then that i was finally starting to "use my words" as my tdoc had been encouraging for years, even if just in picture form.

in the beginning of my tdoc therapy, i could barely speak. my throat closed up if the topic got difficult. she had to drag everything out of me. most of the really hard details i just scribbled on scraps of paper and gave to her. (she keeps them safe for me.) now, 8-9 years later, i can touch on the hard stuff, avoiding certain words, but actually talking about how my life has been affected by my past. and i mean my whole past, not just the traumatic stuff. we go back to earliest memories, family relationships, all the things that mold and shape us throughout life.

i've come a long way with their help, and i have a long way yet to go. but man! i'm feeling thankful and proud of my progress at this moment.

thanks for listening.


Edited by shimmeree
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Your p-doc (and t-doc if I am reading correctly) sound awesome.... it takes a while for most people to fidnd the right combo of p-doc, t-doc, other medical providers (and of course meds!) .... it seems you may have finally hit the "jackpot". You sound truly happy, and pleased with your progress (whwhich you well SHOULD be; you are the one doing the HARD work).

Hope everything continues to get better and better!

Flameless (Sue)

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