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saoirse

Preferring being alone to relationships... a problem?

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I put this in the relationships category because that's where I feel it belongs ,even though it really concerns a LACK of relationships. If this is the wrong area, I'm sorry.

Does anyone else just enjoy being solitary? While I have had romantic relationships in the past, I feel perfectly fine and content being alone. I do not feel a drive to seek out romantic companionship; I will take it if it happens, but I don't look for it. I can only take being around other people for certain amounts of time. I prize my time alone and I like doing things (wandering the city, going to the library, movies, and bookshops, etc) by myself.

Now, don't get me wrong. I have friends, and I like I said, I am open to the idea of being in love and being in a relationship. But the fact that I spend so much time alone seems to unnerve people, and I don't know why that is. I have always been solitary. And as ridiculous as this sounds, until my last depressive episode this year, I literally did not understand what "loneliness" meant. When asked as a child if I was lonely, I was confused as all hell because I just did not understand what "loneliness" felt like.

Is this really that freakish? I don't know if its a trait of my MI or a personality quirk. Does anyone else love their solitude?

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I prefer to be alone myself, but my pdoc definitely has a problem with it for reasons that I don't completely understand. I'm not depressed because I am alone and I'm not alone because I'm depressed. I've just always been a solitary person. I am very uncomfortable being forced to "socialize" by my psychiatrist because that's not me.

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I prefer to be alone myself, but my pdoc definitely has a problem with it for reasons that I don't completely understand. I'm not depressed because I am alone and I'm not alone because I'm depressed. I've just always been a solitary person. I am very uncomfortable being forced to "socialize" by my psychiatrist because that's not me.

I can empathize with this so much. My pdoc thinks that I read so often and don't see my friends too much because I want to escape my depression/life, but that's not it. Yes, I do that when I'm depressed, but I read whether I'm depressed or not, and when I'm not depressed, it's for enjoyment and to learn. Not to escape my life. It irritates me that he won't believe me. And even if I do read for fun escapism sometimes, that doesn't necessarily have to be connected to my MI. People without MI do it all of the time, with books, movies, etc.

It just frustrates me.

Edited by saoirse

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I, as a general rule, do not like people. Sometimes one endears themselves to me, in which case I am open to a possible friendship, but generally speaking I prefer to be alone. People aren't like me, I don't think its appropriate to this conversation to elaborate much but suffice it to say it's not my MI, it's my personality. I like having one friend, but I don't need it, I like having a girlfriend, but not only do I not need it, but I find I'm not capable of showing the necessary emotion to satisfy that person, eventually leading to unnecessary pain.

I'm just a loner, I like it that way.

Edited by Eden

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I wish I was this way. I am currently divorcing and it is killing me to be alone.

I'm working hard to like being by myself.

I'm sorry that you're going through such a hard time. :( I too would be distraught by a divorce.

I think that being alone happily is a skill that can be cultivated. If you work at it, I think you should be able to get there,

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I specifically remember learning to be together with someone, it was foreign and uncomfortable. I always liked being alone, since the age of playing with tinker tots. Eventually I learned to act, react and pretend that I was normal, I actually became popular, though I'll never know why. I never cared for the social butterfly life, it was just a convenient disguise.

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I wish I was this way. I am currently divorcing and it is killing me to be alone.

I'm working hard to like being by myself.

I went through a divorce, and if you've read my blog, you know that I am still suffering from it. To be honest, I really do need a S.O., but I am happy to be alone with myself, and I prefer to be alone a lot and that includes when I'm in a relationship.

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Guest Vapourware

At the moment, I have no interest in having a romantic relationship. For a long time, I wasn't interested in romantic relationships at all. It wasn't until my mid-20s that I had my first partner, and then I had two weird relationships in a row. Now, I just want to process what happened with those two relationships so I can avoid those types of people in the future.

I think there isn't anything wrong with preferring to be single. I think there is pressure in a lot of societies to pair up with another person, but if you're happy being single - then, carry on. It reminds me of a quote from Greta Garbo, a person who guarded her privacy: "I want to be let alone." Personally, I've always needed a lot of personal space.

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I met my husband when I was totally okay with being alone. This is not a "just stop thinking about it, and twoo wuv will come your way," I just felt like I was in a position to say "no" to people, because I was perfectly happy to be on my own.

I actually don't think I would have been able to have a healthy relationship, if it weren't kind of for the "I can take it or leave it" mentality.

DH and I are both massive introverts, and we even will go to separate rooms every day to spend some time by ourselves. I don't think I could live with someone who needed to be constantly entertained.

That said, blueandgray, if something were to happen to our relationship at this point, if we got divorced, or I was widowed, I would have a very different take on things. My friends who have been divorced said they really needed a grieving period, and that during that period, they often didn't want to be alone. You are used to constant companionship, it isn't like you are running around grasping at everyone who walks by. Give yourself a break.

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Now, don't get me wrong. I have friends, and I like I said, I am open to the idea of being in love and being in a relationship. But the fact that I spend so much time alone seems to unnerve people, and I don't know why that is. I have always been solitary. And as ridiculous as this sounds, until my last depressive episode this year, I literally did not understand what "loneliness" meant. When asked as a child if I was lonely, I was confused as all hell because I just did not understand what "loneliness" felt like.

Is this really that freakish? I don't know if its a trait of my MI or a personality quirk. Does anyone else love their solitude?

I don't know what it feels like either.

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Alone time? Love it… crave it… need it. YES!

Nothing wrong with that.

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I love solitude. And I always have done. I have wanted to live alone since 13, and now that I do I would never change that for anything. I love knowing that once I have locked my door that nobody can disturb me by coming into my home.

I am completely not interested in romantic or sexual relationships, and am asexual. Some people are a bit weird about that, but I tell myself that it is their problem and they aren't going to stop me from living in a way that makes me happy.

I do have friends who I enjoy meeting up with, but I do not meet them every day.

For me I would say this is a personality trait, even more so as it is something that I have felt all my life (I spent most of my childhood with my head in a book, not hanging out with friends) and not just since being ill. Though equally my illness has increased my need to be alone a lot, probably because of the frustration with the hallucinations. But it isn't a problem for me since I have been living alone.

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It doesn't sound like you're isolating to a pathological extent. You're not saying you never ever want to be around people, and the lack of a relationship isn't bothering you. Nothing at all wrong with that.

My experience has been than psychiatry/psychology often pathologizes introversion. Yes, isolation can be a problem, but for introverts, being forced/pushed to be too social can erode our sanity. I also think the medical profession tends to attract more extraverts than introverts, so often the people we turn to for help don't understand the experience of being an introvert. They interpret alone time as isolation and tell us we're having a negative effect on our mental health. It's one of those things I take with a grain of salt when I hear it. I need my alone time--a LOT of it, too--for my sanity.

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I get crazy if I don't get time away from people. I don't think I'm introverted; it's just people suck life-force from me & I can only give so much of that without feeling frayed. I know I isolate when things are bad, but that is a different scenario. I really can't deal with people then.

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I don't do relationships. I have been single for 4 years and I have turned them all down, not that there were a whole lot. I am fat and ugly, not skinny like people want. I also feel to paranoid to have a boyfriend. To me, being alone is better, it brings me more peace. I plan to stay single forever. It really doesn't bother me at all. It makes me hate the idea of having a boyfriend even more when people tell me that I should try to get one. I would rather look at houses or nature than look at an annoying guy. I would date a cactus over dating a guy. Once in a great while, I meet up with friends, but even that is not too often. Being alone is the best gift I can possibly have.

Even wierder, looking at pictures of people doesn't turn me on. I have to look at other objects to turn myself on or listen to certain music. I can look at pictures of the "hottest" guys in the world and they are all a turn off.

Being alone and listening to music is the best thing for me :)

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I'm definitely an introvert, I love my alone time. I am married but I currently do not work and my husband does. It's a nice balance, he usually doesn't get home until around 6pm so I have the whole day to be alone. By the time he gets home from work I'm usually in the mood for some company. Sometimes I do miss living alone, which I did from the ages of 23-25. It was nice to have my apartment to myself and do whatever the hell I wanted. I have a good group of friends who I see about once a month which is usually enough for me since I talk to them almost everyday on facebook. I usually can't relate to extraverts (which most of my friends are which is weird) and I find they usually don't understand my need for solitude.

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I have just learned (with the help of a very helpful CB member here) that I am absolutely an introvert. That said, I'm married, have been for 13 years and I do enjoy my Hubs company. Too much company though and I find myself physically and emotionally drained, having children has made that even worse. I'm working on balancing that out there. Finding time throughout my day to go take a walk (that parts not working out too well) hiding in my bedroom for a little while. I'm going to go to the library and get books and maybe start cross-stitching again while I'm taking the time to recharge.

It's a learning process, but not being in a relationship isn't a terrible thing. It works for many, many people. If Hubs and I weren't so connected on many other levels, I imagine our relationship would not have lasted as long as it has. He tries hard to be understanding a compassionate of what I need when I need it. He even offers for me to go get the time I need so I'm not so drained by being around everyone all the time.

I'm just not a people person. I like my own time to sit in the silence and just be....

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Living alone is the best thing for me - it gives me peace. In my last relationship, my partner wanted to get married, but I couldn't bear the thought of having someone around all the time, although I would consider living next door to him. He was clingy, anyways, so a lifetime of that would have killed me, or I would have had to kill him. That was all a few years ago and I am definitely not seeking romance.

Living here in the rural southern U.S., I'm definitely considered an oddball because of it. All single people should join their church fellowship groups and pair up. Especially since I'm a woman, I feel the pressure more. It's like I'm not really safe or something and I need a protector, which I think is total bullshit. If it was 500 years ago I would be burnt at the stake, since I live alone with two cats so am clearly a witch! :P

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I am 34 yrs old and I have never been in a relationship and I don't particularly want to be either. I'm perfectly happy being single. Occasionally I think that it might be nice but mostly I'm content being on my own

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