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I find fault in everyone around me.

I wish for a world with half as much social interaction. It fucks me over for some reason. I can keep up with it pretty well, but there’s still no part of me that likes it.

This is probably some kind of social anxiety issue. I dread the next person I have to talk to and wish I could be in my room in my own bed. But when I’m in my dorm on a friday night (im in college) I feel this strange feeling like I need to be out doing something with friends because everyone else is.

That’s why I wish everyone just did more things by themselves. The world would be such a better place.

What is it I hate about social situations?

I have this idea of some kind of point system happening when people meet for the first time. Someone says something that someone likes, and their points go up a scale. That person is ‘better’ in everyone’s eyes. Once everyone in the room has said something to bring themselves up to an acceptable scale, I realize that I’m the only one left. Everyone somehow has made friends with one another through some mundanely familiar phrase or idea and I’m still standing there like, I don’t know these people nor does any part of me feel like putting any effort into fishing up something creative to share with the rest of the happy campers. Does this make me crazy? Probably.

..

The fact that I can’t make friends with my roommate because then I’d have to talk to her all the time since we live together

The fact that I think about how each and every person in the room perceived a comment.

The fact that I don’t know how to say goodbye ‘properly’.

anyone else hate some aspect of socializing??? I'd be nice to know im not the only one out there.

Edited by thymeandspace

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Thank you, Thymeandspace!!! I HATE socializing as well! I can't get along with girls my own age, as I have very little in common with them. I also think of social interaction as a point system. Say something right that people agree with = gain 10 points. Make a joke that everyone laughs at = 20 points. Say something that people don't like or disagree with = -10 points. Make a joke that isn't funny or is too crass = -20 points. Say something stupid while drunk = -100 points, etc. etc. I have a tendency to make jokes so people often initially find me witty, but one-to-one conversation is very difficult for me. I don't know the "right" questions to ask to form bonds with people. I also am often suspicious of people who like me; I can't think of a reason why they would like me and I always wonder about their ulterior motives for talking to me.

I had several friends in high school and university but I've either lost touch with them or got into such fights with them that I don't talk to any of them except for one. And she and I had a year-long falling out when we were 16 so to this day I often wonder why she is still friends with me. I have never been able to tolerate much social interaction so I rarely commit to get-togethers; I find talking to people exhausting. Because of that, many people have given up on trying to be friends with me, as it's hard to be friends with someone who doesn't want to talk to you. Ever since I was little, if I spent several days in a row with a friend, like a sleepover or something, I would get soooo sick of them and find fault in them and be really bitchy. They would all distance themselves from me until I was nice again.

I also can't say goodbye properly. It always gets drawn out and awkward because I can't just cut it off. I always feel alone in a group of people, like they're all in on some secret that I am left out of. I don't know how to get to know people. I loathe small talk. I ramble when I'm uncomfortable and it's awkward. I get angry when people are late meeting me or cancel plans. I hate when people laugh because something I said came out wrong (word salad) or because I did something silly; it always feels like I'm being laughed at even though I've been told it's good-natured. Sometimes I miss having friends, having people to call when I'm not busy, having people to talk to about mundane aspects of daily life. I keep telling myself that when I start a career and work with people for an extended period, I will make friends with them, but I know it won't happen. It's easier and more comfortable this way.

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I deleted your duplicate topic - please only post your topic once in the single most applicable sub-forum. Thanks!

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I deleted your duplicate topic - please only post your topic once in the single most applicable sub-forum. Thanks!

thanks! i didnt know how to change the sub forum the post was on

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In future you can PM one of the moderators and we will move it for you.

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Thank you, Thymeandspace!!! I HATE socializing as well! I can't get along with girls my own age, as I have very little in common with them. I also think of social interaction as a point system. Say something right that people agree with = gain 10 points. Make a joke that everyone laughs at = 20 points. Say something that people don't like or disagree with = -10 points. Make a joke that isn't funny or is too crass = -20 points. Say something stupid while drunk = -100 points, etc. etc. I have a tendency to make jokes so people often initially find me witty, but one-to-one conversation is very difficult for me. I don't know the "right" questions to ask to form bonds with people. I also am often suspicious of people who like me; I can't think of a reason why they would like me and I always wonder about their ulterior motives for talking to me.

I had several friends in high school and university but I've either lost touch with them or got into such fights with them that I don't talk to any of them except for one. And she and I had a year-long falling out when we were 16 so to this day I often wonder why she is still friends with me. I have never been able to tolerate much social interaction so I rarely commit to get-togethers; I find talking to people exhausting. Because of that, many people have given up on trying to be friends with me, as it's hard to be friends with someone who doesn't want to talk to you. Ever since I was little, if I spent several days in a row with a friend, like a sleepover or something, I would get soooo sick of them and find fault in them and be really bitchy. They would all distance themselves from me until I was nice again.

I also can't say goodbye properly. It always gets drawn out and awkward because I can't just cut it off. I always feel alone in a group of people, like they're all in on some secret that I am left out of. I don't know how to get to know people. I loathe small talk. I ramble when I'm uncomfortable and it's awkward. I get angry when people are late meeting me or cancel plans. I hate when people laugh because something I said came out wrong (word salad) or because I did something silly; it always feels like I'm being laughed at even though I've been told it's good-natured. Sometimes I miss having friends, having people to call when I'm not busy, having people to talk to about mundane aspects of daily life. I keep telling myself that when I start a career and work with people for an extended period, I will make friends with them, but I know it won't happen. It's easier and more comfortable this way.

i relate to literally everything you said here. i avoid people i know all the time so i dont have to interact with them. I dont know what it is that makes me feel this way, but it kinda sucks sometimes.

i especially relate to the thing you said about 1 on 1 with people. its almost like everyone else has some set of internal 'knowing' of the right things to say and how to bond. i always just try and get it over with.

its not like i dont care about people, the few people in my life are incredibly important to me, i just cant seem to spread out that 'caring' to a whole load of people that i dont know very well. i have no interest.

guys are definitely easier than girls to cross this barrier with for some reason

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If I can I avoid hanging out with large groups of people, preferring to keep with only a couple of friends.

The things I hate about large crowds are:-

  • When everyone gets too close (personal space is very important to me).
  • Fear that they want to hurt me, or one person in the crowd does (this is a general fear about anyone who I don't trust completely).
  • Fear of people laughing at me or talking about me (I tend to always think these things about anybody who I don't trust completely).
  • General preference of being alone.
  • It isn't always easy to escape from a crowd, and usually that is all I want to do.

There is probably some more, but these are the ones I can think of right now.

I find not making eye contact (I usually look at the floor, or I am on the bus I look out the window) and listening to my earphones to be helpful in coping with being in a crowd if I have to do it. But mostly I go where I know it will not be too busy and only meet up with one or two friends at a time.

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I am a bit shy and enjoy doing things on my own. However, I don't really HATE hanging out in groups of people... I'd just prefer not to do it. I like people, and I rarely am confrontational, and I'm pretty easy to get along with. I just enjoy my space. I also get anxious sometimes in bigger groups. In our society, it seems that being alone is looked down upon, or thought of as strange. I like it, however.

I also get along better with women than with men.

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The worst thing about hanging out with a group of people is THE PEOPLE! I don't like much noise or commotion. I prefer to be alone.

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I also get along better with women than with men.

For me, the other way around. I think it's because with women I'm expected to have a much deeper level of emotional empathy and understanding, which is something that completely escapes me.

What I hate?

-I'm too quiet, so I always get overshadowed, never get heard.

-I get forgotten really easily.

-People are too loud.

-Sensory overload.

-Really tires me out.

-I have to talk to people.

-etc.

Really, I just don't get social interaction very well...

Edited by hallowedink

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I also get along better with women than with men.

For me, the other way around. I think it's because with women I'm expected to have a much deeper level of emotional empathy and understanding, which is something that completely escapes me.

Yeah, I have emotional empathy to an obnoxious level sometimes :rolleyes: so that may have something to do with why I get along so well with females. Makes sense.

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I also get along better with women than with men.

For me, the other way around. I think it's because with women I'm expected to have a much deeper level of emotional empathy and understanding, which is something that completely escapes me.

Yeah, I have emotional empathy to an obnoxious level sometimes :rolleyes: so that may have something to do with why I get along so well with females. Makes sense.

I have trouble with both genders. Females tend to have more empathy so I have less problems opening up eventually, but they are more two-faced in general. Males are easier to talk to on a superficial level. However, males tend to become inappropriate and make me uncomfortable. So I stay away from both.

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When I hang out in groups of people that I don't know well I always stay quiet and don't say anything. There were instances when I really tried to join the conversation but the topics were so.. trivial and uninteresting that it bored me to death so I drifted away in my own thoughts. But the thing I most hate it's that because of my social anxiety, people who first meet me say that I'm arrogant and act like I'm too good for hanging out with them. Which is so untrue..

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I do OK when with large groups of people. Don't get me wrong, I am anxious every second of the time. I got used to talking to people when I worked at a truck stopp and had hair down to my waist. All the customer were hippie-hating rednecks, so I had to learn to (make myself) talk to them.

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Guest Vapourware

When around people I don't know, I can feel very anxious. I feel like I have watch myself constantly, plus watch their reactions and try to gauge whether what I've said was appropriate or I'd made a faux pas. I'm also not good at reading people in general, so there are many times when I've thought that what I said was appropriate - then either realised belated that it wasn't, or someone told me later that I had made a social mistake.

When around people I know, I'm less anxious but there is still a level of anxiety. I'm always afraid of displeasing people or upsetting them in any way.

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Who hangs out with groups of people??

not me

Mmmmm nope, I tend to avoid groups of people. I don't do too badly in them, they just make me really anxious and to a certain level paranoid (About what people are thinking about me, looking at me, thinking about me, etc)

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If I can I avoid hanging out with large groups of people, preferring to keep with only a couple of friends.

The things I hate about large crowds are:-

  • When everyone gets too close (personal space is very important to me).
  • Fear that they want to hurt me, or one person in the crowd does (this is a general fear about anyone who I don't trust completely).
  • Fear of people laughing at me or talking about me (I tend to always think these things about anybody who I don't trust completely).
  • General preference of being alone.
  • It isn't always easy to escape from a crowd, and usually that is all I want to do.

There is probably some more, but these are the ones I can think of right now.

I find not making eye contact (I usually look at the floor, or I am on the bus I look out the window) and listening to my earphones to be helpful in coping with being in a crowd if I have to do it. But mostly I go where I know it will not be too busy and only meet up with one or two friends at a time.

I do about the same thing. I try my hardest to avoid ANY social situations, including ones with family. I am fine with immediate family in small numbers, but too many at once freaks me out and I get really anxious.

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The real reason most group occasions are not fun for me is I get sensory overload really easily, and you have to pay attention to so many people, plus what they are doing and saying, in order to participate in any way. I just feel wiped out after a party, even if it is all friends, and even if all of them know I am anxious.

But one situation I can handle is being in charge of an event: I use to help plan and "throw" GLBT community parties and fundraisers. The big one was NYE, and that was the one I was most involved with. But I hardly socialized at all during those events: I basically talked with other planners, walked through the different areas of the building the party was in, checked that the buffet was still full, stuff like that. I might sit down with some especially close friends for 20 minutes, but other than that, no socializing. To be honest, I really enjoyed that.

So weird, because I have to take a xanax to leave the house for parties I'm invited to.

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I do not have firends, only aquiantances. On a professional level, at work I can pretend I am outgoing and talk to them fine but I refuse to get close to people. I just do not like people. I feel that most people in society are "normal" therefore can not relate to me, so why bother being friends with them? Besides friends a needy and use you for their own benefit.

I hate most "normal" people because:

-They seem shallow to me. I prefer talking to people who have walked in my shoes and have deep souls.

-The "point system" as mentioned above.

-They only talk about shallow topics, like the weather, shopping, opposite sex, schoolwork, etc.

-I feel like they are secretly judging me or secretly do not like me but are just pretending to like me to be nice.

-I know they will just talk about me behind my back as soon as I leave the room.

-A lot of outgoing people are abnoxious attention seekers.

The only people I get along with in real life is GUYS. They seem to be much more chill and I can have deeper conversations with them about things, they just seem more open about their problems or more willing to listen to mine. idk, but I just am not nervous around guys. I hate talking to girls, except online, girls and guys on this site are awesome because we all have things in common!

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