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songbird1209

first post here ever... massage today went slightly differently..

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i just joing CB about 10 mins ago - i need to air this but i guess a little background first..

i was assaulted & raped around 12 years ago.. i was a virgin at the time so tainted my whole idea of sex and r'ships. i was heavily invovled with a girl after that (i'm female BTW)... and still love her to this day though we're not 'together' anymore, we try to be friends. i'm married.... but our sex life has never been good - and lately WAY worse as we've been through IVF and trying to have baby etc....so very difficult and i disconnect from him in a big way... like i almost leave my body when we do.

have always sufferent from depression but currently in quite a bad way...so on lexapro & valium.

anyway... also have major neck issues and have recently found a different massage guy. takes a bit for me to trust anyone to touch me, but he seemed fine last time.

today, while topless & on my front he asked me to roll over ... did my legs etc, inc inner thighs - arms - whole body really... including up and around the breasts. he brushed my nipples quite a few time and i'm not sure it was accidental. in my head this is a TOTAL freak out - and should NOT be something i'd ever be comfortable with .... would normally run a mile. BUT.. i think i was so relaxed... and it was so nice i was actually very turned on by the whole thing. looking back now, i'm pretty sure my breathing would have given it away... and he brushed 'down there' right at the end. was it purposeful? i have no idea.. maybe he sensed i somehow 'wanted' it? he's a fully qualified professional, has tonnes of certificates on the wall. i'm not questionning him so much as myself. how on EARTH could a stranger have this affect on me? i honestly thought right there and then if he'd done more i MAY have let him :o i can't believe i said that..or thought it.

anyway.... i feel super guilty for feeling that way / thinking that way... i'm in no way attracted to him. i love my husband even though sex is off the menu and i'd be fine if we never did it again.

what the hell is wrong with me?

anyway... thanks for reading - feel slightly better having shared.

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Guest Vapourware

If it was a therapeutic massage, then what he did was highly inappropriate. Brushing your nipples and your genitals is NOT professional. Regardless of his qualifications, that doesn't make what he did right - and I think you would have grounds to report him. Whenever I've had a massage, my body would be covered by a towel and the massage therapist never goes anywhere near my private regions. My belief is that he took advantage of your vulnerability and was hiding his behaviour behind a veneer of "professionalism".

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I agree with Vape. He was WAY out of line. You should not go back to him, and if I were you, I would be reporting him.

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I agree with Vape and Olga. Definitely not OK. NOT professional. Grounds for reporting, definitely.

And Welcome.

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There is no therapeutic reason for him to touch you in those areas. He violated the terms under which he should practice, and your trust. You should report him.

As to why you felt the way you did-- maybe base instinct took over because you were so relaxed. Maybe you do want sex, but just aren't fulfilled by your husband? For myself, the assaults I had left me with a perverse desire to reenact them, to somehow gain back the power I lost (my theory thus far). Maybe thiss is you taking charge of that part of your life?

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That guy should be reported, whether you enjoyed his massage or not. What he did was totally inappropriate and unprofessional!

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Our bodies are separate from our brains. We can get physical enjoyment from stimulation that we don't want because it's just nerves reacting to stimuli. It has no conscious thought attached.

I agree with everyone else that you were taken advantage of and I'm sorry for it. It's worth getting more expert advice from a crisis centre.

Try to take care of yourself. Your life sounds stressful enough and you don't need this on top of it.

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Wow, I am SO sorry. I cannot believe he did that. I would report him if I were you, I agree with everyone else.

And just because you were physically turned on by it doesn't mean that you really wanted it.

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That is horrifying.

Totally unprofessional bordering on illegal.

Actually he probably is illegal.

I think you need to report his to his licensing board.

He should not be allowed to have a license.

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There's nothing wrong with you for enjoying the touch. Our bodies do what they do; it's so complex. It's something to explore with your therapist. Maybe there's some clue there that could help you find a way back to enjoying your husband.

I do agree his behavior was unprofessional (in the least) and it would be in your own best interest to stay away.

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Guest Recluse

Creepy pervert masseuse is perverted and a creeper. >_<

I'm with the others. What he did was illegal.

Whether or not you report him, definitely don't go back.

Edit: I'd look into finding a female masseuse next time.

Edited by Recluse

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Thanks all... I agree I think. So why do I want to go back? Noone has.made.me "feel" like that in a long time..even being wrong and totally against all my values & beliefs. Punishment? Pleasure? Both? I spoke to a crisis counsellor about it.. she didn't say much other thab that he needs to be reported and she hears this kinda thing all the time. So confused..

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don't go back

you are traumatizing yourself

don't go back

and if you think of going back come here and post

and a dozen people will tell you not to go back

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I will be the second of that dozen people to say DON'T GO BACK.

If you really like the way you felt, maybe you can ask your husband for a sensual massage. Maybe it was the feeling of deep relaxation the massage gave you that helped you feel excited. Your husband can give that to you, especially if you work on it together.

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just thought i'd come back to let you know my therapist visited me at home yesterday and i managed to get out basically what happened - she knows i'm not good with talking so she asked lots of questions. i haven't told her details... and esp haven't talked about my body's reaction to what happened. she thought it was important though to tell hubby so she came and sat with me and held my hand while she told him. i think he's angry but he doesn't want to know details which is a relief.

will never be going back there... have deleted number, ripped up card. still can't help feeling guilty or that it was somehow my fault - and totally confused as to why it actually felt kinda good. but anyway... thanks for listening, it has helped.

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It's not unusual to have that reaction. As others have said, you had been receiving a massage and you were very relaxed---the guy wasn't threatening in any way---and you have nerve endings in your breasts and genitals that respond to gentle touch. Probably every woman here has experienced some level of sexual stimulation from being touched in those places. If anything, it tells me that you have a normal, healthy response to a sexually stimulating action.

If your husband can't raise this response from you, I would say that the two of you need marriage counseling and possibly sex therapy. I would NOT have a child with him if you are disconnecting during sex and actively dislike having sexual contact with him. Before you bring another life into this world, either work on your relationship with your husband, or start talking about divorce. You two are not a stable enough couple to go through the stress and craziness of having a baby.

You might want to see a physical therapist or a chiropractor about your neck and stay away from massages for a while.

olga

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thanks for telling us what happened. I think the points in Olga's last post make a ton of sense.

Edited by sheila2050

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To be honest with you, I can't imagine NOT having a sexual response. My husband is the only person who has ever given me a message (never had a professional one) and its usually a lead up to sex in our case. But that's me... I would have to get a female message therapist and hope for the best! I don't think your reaction was odd or inappropriate. Im sorry you are struggling right now. Good luck to you...

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I have seen both male and female massage therapists and none of them have ever come anywhere near my breasts or genitals. I think it would be pretty hard for anyone to brush up against those areas repeatedly "by mistake." It's not the sex of the massage therapist that matters.

What your massage therapist did was totally unethical, and no mistake in my opinion. You had a perfectly normal response. I am glad you won't be going back.

If you do decide to go see someone in the future, you can always ask to be clothed for the massage until you feel more comfortable with the therapist.

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thanku. i don't think our marriage is in trouble... it's just me and the state i'm in and the issues i have surrounding sex at all. we already have a son who is 18months old and has been our saviour after we lost our daughter a year prior to having him. i think if we can make it through having lost her we can make it through anything - it's just really really hard right now.

I would say that the two of you need marriage counseling and possibly sex therapy

we have also had some counselling but i've never thought of sex therapy and don't know anything about it. who and what would it entail? obviously it would involve going to someone together... but do they just chat and give you 'homework'? i have no idea, feel very naive about this sort of thing.

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