I have never smoked, nor have I been around anyone that smokes (and I avoid all smokers outside)
My urine test results fell into the "Passive Smoker" level and I wonder which of my meds may have caused it? (methylphenidate, lamotrigine or fluoxetine) . Maybe @browri you'd know (since mikl is gone...)? I'm on very low doses also... This could affect my life insurance so I'm a bit concerned!
Edit/Add: I've read that certain meds cause a false positive test for PCP, amphetamines or THC...but for Cotinine /Nicotine?? I've also been taking high level B3/niacin vitamins, sometimes NAC and wonder if that would have an effect?
Just thought I would share some experience with Trintellix. I started 2-3 months ago on 5mg. mainly for anxiety and depression. I also take a variety of meds to help me sleep. Trintellix can be really nauseating when you start (for at least two weeks) When I moved up from 5mg to 10mg - I became comatose. So, I went back to 5 and it's been great- It' gives a little boost of energy- similar to vyvanse. It helps me not to go home and cry everyday. :-) I seem to eat less- in terms of general snacking. What I have found with this med - is even at this low dose- you metabolize alcohol more quickly. 2 drinks can = drunk. And, if I have a drink and get a little stoned- I'm up vomiting all night. Just putting the warning out there- not drinking is the way to go on this med.... wondering if anyone has had similar experiences...
I woke up this morning, feeling panic overwhelming me over a negative response from my neighbor. The emotion I am experiencing is deep distress and I can feel it internally crushing me. I am not coping at all well with this.
I find myself drawn to her because we share a common trauma background. Sometimes she comes to my apartment just to talk about all this and I feel soo connected to her. I am beginning to come to the conclusion that she has some borderline traits in her - it's the push away and suddenly pull back. She acts like she hates me and suddenly she loves me and tells me so. When she pushes away, it's an awful experience and leaves me an emotional wreck. Then she will come back and saturate me with her needs to talk about soo many things where I live, her emotional instability issues, etc. I sit and listen and we talk and I feel better after she leaves and we are finally getting along, only to be assaulted again verbally from her and weeks go by and she ignores me.
Another odd thing about her. With this intimate friendship I have with her (Intimate meaning sharing of like experiences), she will call on my cell or text me but when she is out and about with her friends (she only goes out in public with her friends), she ignores me and so do they.
So, this morning I am experiencing her pushing me away violently last night.
I am drawn to this behavior from her, as it feeds into my cycle of abuse history. I used to go back to my mother just to be abused. I would call her and she would act delighted to hear from me and tell me how much she loves me, only moments later to go for the jugular. I would walk away from that telephone conversation feeling completely ruined. This is what is occurring with my neighbor, I am in the dance of abuse with her and I don't know how to get out of it. Even just recognizing what is really going on, I can't seem to extricate myself from her.
I block her telephone calls and texting one minute and then open it back up. Last night I shut off my phone so that I would not be tempted to read any lingering texts from her and react to it. This morning when I turned on my phone, she did not respond to my last text to her and I was disappointed and fearful what she must be saying behind my back to her 4 close friends.
I live in fear of her and in fear of myself when she abuses me. It takes alot of work to pick myself back up each time.
I've been in therapy for 5 years. Also medicated. I have a good job. I have a supportive husband. I have a home. But years of abuse and insanity still get the better of me sometimes and I feel like I don't deserve anything good, or that people will "find out" that I am a horrible person (I have bad elements and good), and I still have days/weeks. when I am extremely self destructive. The current incarnation is that (a) I am fighting dwindling self consciousnes and social awkwardness, - all part of myregular repertoire - but now (b) for no reason whatsoever I am fighting against the development of an eating disorder, which is a new development in my crazy. I am in my late forties. WTH, brain? WHY? Why do I do this to myself?
I went into the ER for trying to kill myself and they had a male doctor come in and take all the sticky wire things of me. I had to pull my shirt up. It triggered me because of past sexual trauma and because i am transgender. He was also making a creepy smile while doing it witch is espeically weird because i was literally in the ER for trying to kill myself. Geez, great pediatricin.