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I need to talk to my pdoc, and why Celebration Cruises is evil

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I called my pdoc yesterday, and left a long message. I couldn't believe how depressed my voice sounded, but I also am crying all the time, sleeping a totally bizarre schedule, a little agoraphobic, ideating (I am NOT suicidal, but I am having the 'I want to die' thoughts), etc. My appetite is screwed. He actually did call, but it was in the middle of an emergency, and he knows emergency means seizures, and he said he would call back.

I know this is a long explanation, but it is necessary background: Today, DH had a partial seizure either while on the phone, or right before he got a call. It was a scam, the type where they say "If you answer our poll, you'll get a discounted Celebrity Cruise!" If he hadn't been so out of it, he would never have fallen for it, AND we both have made a vow never to take a cruise, so I knew something strange was going on.

His sweat often has a metallic smell after seizures, and I could smell it as soon as I walked into the room. His voice was slurred, he kept losing track of the fact that he was even on the phone, he had to have numbers repeated to him over and over and over (remember, he is a software developer, and former double major in chemistry and physics, so a numbers guy). If they asked for him to repeat the number back, he couldn't figure out what they were talking about. He was clearly non compos mentis, and they have it on tape, so I will go to small claims if I have to. They took TWO of his credit cards. WTF? When I tried to get him to stop, or at least tell me what was going on, he kept yelling, "Leave me alone!" Which is totally post-ictal behavior. Once he hung up, and I explained it was a scam, he went into hysterics, and started saying he didn't deserve me, because I was always cleaning up his messes. Um, don't worry sweetie, the feeling is mutual, I would be a disaster without him.

I tried to call the cruise-line back right away, and he had another seizure, and started crashing around, so I was on our landline, chasing him around, and then that was when my pdoc called on my cell.

But now I am afraid my pdoc is mad at me, and thinks I blew him off. He has never let this much time go by between my initial call and our conversation. I am so upset, I keep slapping my head, and banging it against the wall, I feel like such an idiot for not hanging up on the cruise line, and talking to him instead. That is another thing I do when depressed, and feel like I have done something wrong: slapping my own face, punching my own head, and banging it against walls. Great for headaches.

And I woke up without a headache today for the first time since early March, and within a couple of hours, I had a fairly bad headache from adrenaline and stress and crying (the slapping and banging came later). So so much for a nice pain free day. Who knows when that will happen again.

My online healthcare contact thingy, where I am supposed to be able to contact my doctors, won't allow contacts to psychiatry. I can't even apologize or explain what happened to my pdoc beforehand, I just have to call again tomorrow, and piss him off, because it is such a weird story.

I feel like I am the most depressed I have been since the 90s. I need to talk to him. I am not in an emergency situation, but I rarely am. But I need him to talk with me. I need help. I can't stop crying. I figured out there is a lab really close to here, so he could prescribe lithium on the phone, and I could get levels without going into Palo Alto. I NEED MY FUCKING PDOC.

---

My best friend saltcrazed (an occasional lurker on CBs) just called, and calmed me down somewhat. After the whole fiasco this morning, I wrote this hysterical email to her, and she is just the best friend I have ever had. She also has epilepsy and BP, so she understands all the shit in our lives.

So I am no longer sobbing. But still, weepy, ANXIOUS, and scared that my pdoc is mad at me. He should understand if I explain it to him, shouldn't he? He knows about the brain surgery and everything. SHIT.

---

Shit, and now Jason has had a tonic-clonic, but I was able to convince him to take some ativan after a few minutes. So that is either 3 or 4 seizures in the last 24 hours. Well, there is still another hour and ten minutes for something else to go wrong today.

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I'm sorry things went so sideways for you today. I hope your DH starts feeling better soon, and I hope you get to a point where you feel less overwhelmed. You sound overwhelmed.

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I don't think your doctor is mad at you. And he certainly knows that you do have medical emergencies

with your husband.

I think your anxiety is pushing you into a miserable state of mind - if you don't have one of your

brain crunching headaches.

I hope you can get some sleep, and then call him tomorrow. I really think it is going to be ok.

And fuck that cruise line asking for two credit card numbers from someone who was altered or in bad shape.

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Thanks. Overwhelmed is right. I'm tired of being overwhelmed.

BPLB, on an intellectual level, I can acknowledge I haven't done anything wrong, but everything I do that doesn't go perfectly makes me anxious and apologetic these days. And I had to take a xanax to place the call to leave a message for my pdoc in the first place, and then spent all day today with my phone in my hand, so I could pick up the second he called back. It wasn't until 8:30 that I realized he really wasn't going to call.

I really thought he would call back, this is the first time he has ever not called when he said he would. I know he has other patients, but he usually takes an hour or so at the end of the day to answer messages. Maybe because I wasn't on the machine today, he lost track? I just think it must have sounded weird, things falling and crashing, the "on hold" spiel on the landline going off in one ear, and the cell phone in the other ear. He had to have been able to hear the other phone, I could hear it when Jason was sitting several feet from me.

He is going to wonder why being on hold was more important than talking to him, and I don't know what I was thinking, I should have just hung up with the cruise people, but there was so much going on, I was flustered.

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i seriously doubt your pdoc is mad at you if anything he understands. he should have an emergency answering service and you should have the number for insatances like this, though i really pray these are few and far between. also check and see if your area has a mental health emergency number, and make use of it if necessary Best wishes and i truely hope it gets better

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Guest

You did what you had to do, your pdoc will get it.I'm sorry that this has happened, I know you're really struggling right now.

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I think the doc will understand. Maybe he had an emergency himself? I'm sorry you are having such a hard time.

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Sometimes a perfect storm happens no matter what you do. It doesn't sound like you could have done anything differently. I suppose you could have hung up on the the cruise line, but you weren't exactly in the state of mind to make that decision. Your pdoc probably heard how busy and overwhelmed you were and decided to give you a break from phone calls so you could deal with the situation at hand. I'm sure he knows that you deal with things that are of higher priority than his call. Of course you need to talk to him, so it's a shame that happened, but surely he will call back soon.

I am sorry to hear that you seem to be heading in (or in) a depressive state, but I am grateful for your listing off your Sx because I've been kind of ignoring my own. Your post kind of cleared my mind and helped me see that I've been careening along the edge and need to do something about it. I really hope you are able to pull out of it quickly. Be well.

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Hope it all gets better for you! I am sending you some good vibes -- sounds like a lot is going on right now and you could use them!

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i am so sorry things have been so rough for you. i am keeping you and your husband in my thoughts. i hope things are better for you today.

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Guest Vapourware

I also don't think your pdoc is mad at you. Pdocs have pretty thick skins, for the most part. They get to see crazy people, every day, in their full glory. Crazy people will say and do crazy things. If they got mad at every patient who acted anywhere out of the ordinary, they wouldn't last long in the job.

There could be a myriad number of reasons why he didn't call back. He could have been extra-busy, a patient was having an emergency, he had to sort something out with family, etc. Just lots of reasons that have nothing to do with you.

That cruise scam thing...ugh. They sound like assholes. Jason was obviously incapacitated and they still kept going. I think you were doing the right thing at the time. I'm sure your pdoc will understand.

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I'm sorry, but it sounds like you had a perfectly shitty day! Any one of the events you dealt with would send me over the edge, especially if I was depressed.

I may not have understood your post correctly, but are you sure carnival cruises were the people on the phone? Often, scams are third parties with no affiliation with the cruise line. If I were you, I would cancel those two credit cards (and reissue a new card number) and dispute any charges with the credit card company. They have more power to refund than a rep at carnival cruises. Just a thought.

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Thanks everyone. He called at about 10AM, and I am sorry I threw a tantrum last night. I just was having such a bad day, and had looked forward to talking to him, because I want to get this show on the road.

Gizmo, I talked to my friend who used to be a travel agent, and she said it sounds like somehow we were talking to the real company. She said the scams usually involve "vouchers." DH says he isn't even sure now if he answered one call or two, and maybe the Celebration Cruise was a second call. He normally wouldn't have been answering the land line, we let that go to machine, and have it largely to placate family back on the East Coast (family and friends use our cells).

But last night he cancelled his one credit card, but was still confused enough that we decided to wait to cancel the Amex tonight. If a charge has shown up, we'll dispute it, but he probably will talk to them before the charge would post, anyway. His card (I am the "cardholder") was about to expire anyway, it turns out.

You are all right, it was probably an emergency, and my pdoc is great about handling emergencies, and he knew I was safe even though I feel like shit. I just kind of lost it.

Dedoubt, I'm sorry you feel like shit as well.

My pdoc called in tests for my kidneys (I have had kidney damage in the past, that is the only reason why, I am on a very low amount of lithium), and lithium level to the affiliated lab that is about three miles from here. Palo Alto is a 30+ mile round trip, which makes it really hard to get to with migraines, so I was very relieved to find the local one.

If my kidneys look okay, he will raise the lithium. He is kind of worrying about the lithium not working, because then we are going to have to start fucking around with anti-depressants. I'm maxed out on the Wellbutrin, and that has been my anti-depressant for over 20 years. We both hate the idea of pulling it. It is interesting to me that he hasn't mentioned AAPs. Aren't some of those considered add ons to treat depression? Maybe not.

Anyway, thanks everyone. I feel kind of silly now, but it was late, and I was frazzled, and it felt like a HUGE disappointment when he didn't call.

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yeah, Seroquel has helped my depressions, once I got it up to 400 mgs. not so on a lower dose

so glad you got to talk with your Pdoc today, and you just sound much better overall

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I came by to offer tea and sympathy, but it sounds like the situation has calmed down a bit. I'm glad he called you back and I imagine he has had these situations with other patients. I'm sorry about the seizures.

olga

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